Resolutions For 2010

Brand new decade again... Resolution time again...
1) Get through my Advanced Diploma in Oncology Nursing and graduate
2) Have a happy and fulfilling marriage
3) Improve my health and gear up for 3 rotating shift after my studies

The forecasts for next year is also not really helping especially my husband's. Not that I am superstitious just want to be more wary and safeguard my marriage...

Anyway, wishing all happy 2010 and hopefully everyone would be in good health. No more terrorism, war and natural disaster please...

2010 Predictions For The GOAT (my husband)

2010 will be a year of career and financial gains for the Goat, you may accumulate a considerable amount of wealth and fame throughout this year if you follow this advice and work hard and smart. There could be a lot of activity this year at work; you will find that a project that has previously brought you a lot of stress and taken up a lot of your time will bring out many of your positive qualities to the attention of you and others around you. If you are going to take on a new responsibility you should be warned that you will need to learn new skills at a fast speed although this will be very beneficial to you especially if you are given the chance to go on a training course. You will find yourself meeting a lot of new people in 2010 and you will find that you win a lot of them over with your ability to relate to others. You may meet new people this year that you could build a strong friendship with.


You will benefit from learning new skills; this could be anything from reading a new book to studying a new talent. 2010 is a great time for using your initiative and going ahead with new opportunities. The Goat will take a lot of pride in their new purchases throughout this year but should remember to not make too many impulsive purchases and should not rush into buying something, as you may find that 56 inch plasma television not the best investment you made and neither is it good for the health of our planet so stay small and cautious in 2010! Make sure you research any large purchases before you commit to buying, as you may end up spending more money this year than you can afford to. If you EVER have any doubts in financial situations throughout this year, please seek advice as this could save you a great deal of time and money.


At home this year, you will need to have flexibility with plans as there will be a lot of activity in your home. You will find that you decide exactly what you want to get done although this year is not good for timetables and rota's, try not to plan too much at once; you will achieve a considerable amount if you learn to do things when it is convenient. If you find it possible, take a holiday with a loved one this year, you will benefit from the change of scenery even if you do not go very far.


Romance will be very good for you this year, especially if you are looking to get married. Love is very strong for the Goat in 2010 although there is the possibility that a married Goat could find a short term relationship with another person. (OOPS... I AM SO DEAD!)

Those born in 1991 should follow their interests and try to expand them. Those born in 1943 should ask for advice from people they trust as they will benefit from this. Those born in 1955 need to keep an eye out for new opportunities as there will be plenty in 2010. Those born in 1967 should not linger in the past as a lot can happen for you when you are willing to move on. Those born in 1979 should spend more time with those who are close to you and take opportunities when they come along. A lost friend or even a family member that became detached may bring good news in 2010 and it is a great year to mend broken bridges, it really is worth contacting lost friends to try and reconcile, expect a great year in 2010.

Year 2010 For The PIGGY predictions

73% (11 favorable and 1 neutral month)

As a Pig sign person you are the fortunate recipient of not only that famous Tiger luck but also of Metal's benefit, as it is the element most favorable to you. This is amply demonstrated by your looking forward to so many, positive months in 2010. Even your nemesis, the Snake, can only bring you a neutral one. It is likely to be an exciting time, even a little wild. One key to your success is maintaining self control. You can bet there will be occasions where it will not be easy. Enjoy the ride but do not let yourself get caught up in all the drama. Odds are you cannot keep up with the Tiger the whole way through. Conserve your energy and be ready to hop on your ship when it sails.

Career

A shift in workplace dynamics this year should ultimately be to your liking. Whether it is a change in position or responsibilities, odds are your career is in for a shake up. Pigs have little to fear from the Year of the Tiger; the Tiger is your friend and has your interests at heart. What you can expect by year's end is more autonomy on the job. That could mean increased flexibility in work hours to afford you a better work-life balance, as well as an opportunity to exercise more creativity. You are also likely to be recognized by your superiors or colleagues for having gone to unusual lengths. Don't underestimate yourself. Your flexibility and resourcefulness are likely to prove their value this year. Collaboration should play a significant role in your professional life in 2010, and initiatives you take as part of a team are likely to be successful.

Relationships

Family and domestic matters are likely to occupy much of your time and energy this year. You may find yourself in a caretaker role for an older person, but instead of being a burden, you may actually find you get even more than you give in this situation. So give of yourself freely; the relationship will be mutually rewarding. The year will be an active one, with no shortage of celebrations and memorable gatherings of loved ones. Most of your relationships will be rewarding, and it is advisable to cultivate new friendships. Your longstanding ones are probably secure and may even benefit from the diversity new perspectives bring. If you are single, it is a particularly good year to meet a stable, loving partner. Don't pass up any opportunity to expand your social horizons.

Health

The Tiger Year is one of change, and for Pigs it is an important time to make positive ones in your health patterns. It is more than likely you have fallen into a rut in recent years or clung to habits that no longer serve a purpose but to bring you down. You know what they are. You should enjoy the energy and gumption this year to finally make a clean break from bad health choices and, just as important, to replace them with new and better ones. Physical activity that makes you sweat should be extremely rewarding; set fun goals and track your fitness throughout the year. It may help to find a workout partner and make each other stick to the commitment. Improvement here will mirror happy developments in other areas of your life. Coincidence? We think not.

Wealth

Pigs should curtail any unnecessary spending in 2010. You are likely to have enough resources to make ends meet but not a lot of room for discretion. There will be great temptation to overdo, especially where family is concerned. Your intentions are good, but the fact is you probably can't afford it right now. Show your love and generosity in ways that don't require credit cards, and let others fend for themselves financially. Resist the illusion you are wealthy when you receive an unexpected sum of money, and bank rather than spend it. You will need it later, as your long term financial security could be at stake.

A Review of Resolutions For 2009

Quoted from my 31 Dec 2008 post...
"Now for what I wish for 2009:
a) to having a fulfilling marriage filled with more romantic moments with my husband.
b) to be able to make it on the red carpet for my customary wedding ceremony on 10 May, among all my close friends and our family members.
c) to be able to have a good working relationship with all my colleagues.
d) to be selected for Advanced Diploma In Oncology Nursing course which starts in October.
Let's see on 31 Dec 2009, how many of the above wishes have I been able to achieve or fulfill..."

Looks like I have fulfilled my resolutions for 2009... Another few more days to 31 Dec 2009 and I am still thinking of my aims and resolution for 2010...

Christmas Gifts

1) Xmas eve Seafood dinner @ Punggol Seafood Restaurant
2) B+ grade for my Biology ICA despite suffering from a traumatic event on the very day of the exa,
3) Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeklae...


Thank God for everything He has done in 2009 and may all be well or better in 2010!

Merry Christmas everyone!

School Holidays In 2 weeks...

I would be on school holidays starting from 25th Dec to 3rd Jan... Shiok right? Like real...
I gotta finish up 4 assignments within that week, so how nice can be? I would need at least 1 day per assignment. Exclude Christmas, New Year, Post Christmas and Post New Year, I think the rest of the days would be for research finding and typing of assignments...
Argh...
1) Literature Critique for Reseach Assignment (2000 words)
2) Advanced Practices in Nursing (500 words)
3) Site Specific Haemotological and Paediatric Oncolgy Nursing (1500 words)
4) Principles and Practices of Oncology Nursing (1500 words)
I heard I only gotten 60% for my Biology MCQ, now waiting for the final results together with my SAQs. Praying for at least 'B' grade. I am not in studying so, a 'B' is like distintion for me already...
Next Biology exam is in 7 weeks time and that is the final exam!

Haiz, how to fully enjoy the holiday?! I promise myself no more formal studies after this Advance Diploma (provided I pass and get this certification)... No more degree dreams... This is it!

A Visit To My Granny's

Went to visit my grandmother after my half day attachment at NUH and the first thing she asked me directly, 'why no baby?'. I explained that I was studying now and Jeff + Me don't have plans to have kids so soon as we want to wait for our house to be ready and we also want to settle into the new place stable enough before having kids.

Next came my 2nd auntie (the most ba-gua one) and asked me if I had any good news of pregnancy? I had to re-explain myself again...

Just last Friday, my mother in law asked me to get pregnant after my studies and I also explained her son's and mine stand of getting a house first and blah blah blah...

Few weeks ago, my cousin asked me the thoughts of reproducing a kid just because I say her 2 daughters look alike despite being at different age. So here I go again with my explaining again...

I hate explaining! I feel like so inferior explaining myself, 'cause the truth is that Jeff doesn't want to give me a chance to reproduce a kid for him! The truth is that I don't really like kids! The truth is that I don't feel I would be a good mother, neither would Jeff be a good father. The truth is I have no patience to teach as well as nurture a kid without 'abusing' the kid verbally or physically with hitting him/her.
I have been strictly disciplined by my parents using cane, belt and even clothes hanger and I know the pain of being whacked. I told myself I would never let my own child go through the same pain I did as a child to teenager. However, I also know my own temper and I know when I lose my temper, I would act recklessly and may end up hitting or whacking the kid. So I decided not to have a kid to prevent such cases. Moreover, I hate it when kids cry + brawl or when baby wails, so to save myself from such irritation, no kids would be the best.

I know babies and kids can be cute and brighten up one's day but once they start crying, brawling, wailing and become pesky, that totally turns me off...

Must every marriage end up with kids? Does it mean that a childless marriage would equate a failed marriage or an incomplete family? This is like the 21st Century era! Does anyone know how expensive rearing a kid can be in these modern days? Does anyone think how stressful it can be for a child to excel among his/her peers nowadays? Can someone change that mindset of compulsory for kid post-marriage couples?

I am not sure how many times I got to explain myself until relatives, parents and parents in law stop asking me about having a kid, getting pregnant and stuff! I also don't wish bursting with anger,sounding rude and embarrassing myself...

All these explanation is making me want to be more anti social and avoid any form of family gatherings to avoid this 'sensitive' topic... So if one day I become labelled 'anti-social', don't be surprised...

Mad, Drunk Driver

- BIOLOGY EXAMS...
- Was nearly knocked down by this crazy, wreckless and drunk guy... In the end, he suffered head injuries and I had to give him first aid! He was like speeding at more than 100km/hr and cutting into lanes like some insane freak. He hit the curb I was stand near to and swerved onto the LRT concrete pillar. Look at the amount of blood lost and oil that was coming out from the front bonnet. Did I mention that he was having 5 empty bottles of Jim Beam and one bottle of half drunk Jim Beam?! Mad fellow! Speeding like that at 1015hrs and somemore driving under the influence of alcohol!!!!


http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/this_urban_jungle/289792/driver_collides_into_road_divider_and_gets_trapped_in_car.html

The Disappearance Of The PRC again

I really feel like I am living in a drama serial movie... The family life over my in laws' never fails to wow me or to amaze me.

This time, it is the PRC woman again and yes, it has to be her again. No one else in the family can be so drastically drama as she is. If I had the chance, I would like to nominate her for the best drama mama!

She has rented her own room out there for SGD 600 and has move out again. However, my brother in law has allowed to move out on her own and he is still staying with my in laws. Weird! Married husband and wife, yet they don't stay together. Something that I can never accept!
According to my mum in law, the PRC cited the reason for her moving out was because my brother in law fail to keep his promise to her. (My brother in law had promised that once they can married, they can have a house on their own and they would move out of my in laws' place.) However, due to over-demand of housing, they had hard luck in finding a flat where they can move in immediately as per requested by the PRC woman. That PRC woman has also told my brother in law to fork out all the money required for any 3-room flat as she has no cash to spare. Thus, she has decided to move out to stay in a rented room alone without my brother in law until they can find a flat to call their own! Mad woman!
I am also not surprised that my brother in law has refused to move into the rented room with her. This is just his character and moreover, he is not one who would want to move into a worst situation than his current situation now. I mean, over at my in laws, food are provided FOC, his dishes are washed after he eats by my mother in law, his clothes are washed and ironed by my mother in law and he doesn't need to worry about household bills as well as worry about cleanliness of the place, 'cause my mum in law would settle all for him FOC! If he moves with the PRC into the rented room, he would also have to probably fork out half of the rental fees, clean up the room himself, settle his own dinner, clean up his own dishes, do the washing and ironing clothes himself as his wife works from like 9am and would only be home around 10+pm...
Thus, I guess no way would he want to give up all these luxuries and sacrifice for his wife. They are one weird couple to start with. From the day my brother in law brought this PRC into this family, I already feel his eyes has been blinded, in fact very much blinded and smitten by this PRC. Moreover, both of them are quite stubborn in there own ways and I really wonder how this marriage would work. She also from the start of the courtship can't seem to get along with my in laws and us. So perhaps, it is also better she doesn't stay with us, But since they enjoy staying apart despite being married, let them be. Anyway, it is also good for me, at least I can heck care about her feelings when I do my stuff freely now. I can also interact with my mother in law more freely without worrying if she would feel left-out.

Back to studying for my biology exams this Friday after much ranting and kpo-ing... LOLx...

1st Exams After 7 Weeks In School

Argh... biology... studying & mugging starts...

However, had a fun time with Vanessa in NYP last evening. We watched the 'Les Voix 09' concert at NYP TFA. Had a bunch a immature teens who doesn't seem to know how to behave themselves and they simply doesn't seem to understand what encore performance is and when to shout encore. The poor conductor had to politely tell them to stop shouting for encore... Quite funny! But if I was the one of those kids shouting encore, I would be so embarrased to be told to stop shouting and indirectly told that encore performance is over...

Hehe! Back to studying again...

Movie Marathon

Was supposed to catch Twilight: New Moon on thursday night, but few minutes before we can enter the theatre, Jeff got called back to work. Thus, we sold off the tickets losing 6bucks and I sacrificed my chance of seeing Edward Cullen... Well, as much as I was relunctant to forego the movie, I knew his work was more important.
Anyway, we managed to go for a movie marathon yesterday... Twilight: New Moon at 3.45pm then Ninja Assasin at 7.50pm after dinner at Downtown East... How cool is that? First time we ever had a movie marathon as a couple. LOLx! I am now left hanging until June/July next for the 3rd part of Twilight... I am dying to know if Bella has agreed to Edward's proposal and if Edward does bit her to turn her into a vampire like him... So exciting. Jeff on the other hand was like more interested in Ninja Assasin and seeing Rain's 0% fat body. Duh?! Jeff is totally not into romance movies and I am not really into slaughtering people movie, especially by a ninja. But I guess, this is what you call give and take...

I give up... I am leaving it all in Your hands...

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel

Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
---------------------------------------

*disappointed*
Is this my fate? Am I supposed to resign to it? What now God? Give me directions pls...

A Choice Once Made Should Never Waiver

The day I made the choice to choose him is the day I told myself that no matter what matters, I shall not waiver or regret my choice.

3.5 years on, although I think another better guy has came into my life and is interested, yet, I shall not think about it. He is has a better communication skill, he is good conversationalist, he makes me wish I could continue arguing with him about gender differences due to societal progress as well as psychological differences of male and female... He has a good sense of humour as well as makes me laugh at his witty comments.

He hasn't make any obvious move, but I can tell he has probably some interest in me despite knowing that I am married.

Anyway, even if he makes his move, I must persevere on and stay faithful unless one day he is the one who gives up on this marriage or lets me down... I must remain true to him. I must not waiver! :)

Week 4 Of School

Depressing.
Disappointing.
Stressful.
Low self esteem.
Enough said!

Ponderings...

1) What have I gotten myself into? I told myself that I would stop at Diploma level and work my way up. Now, I am keen for career advancement and taking my Advance Diploma, killing my brain cells, activating my stress hormones, destroying my hair follicle cells and getting myself totally wrecked studying...

2) I told myself to relax and take my time to study, especially, since I know I need lots of time to adapt back to student life. However, now I am totally stressed over assignments, presentation and group projects. Best of all, I don't even know what topics my group and I would be handling! I am getting all hyped up for nothing...

End Of 2nd Week Of Student Life

- I am stressed
- Near a nervous break down
- Ain't coping too well
- I feel like crying right now (stressed!)
- I feel so frustrated with myself for not being to cope
- I feel disappointed in myself for being so brain-blocked


I want to pass and get my Advance certification... Can't give up now...

Advances Of Student Life...

1) No lecture notes to read up prior to lectures.
2) No tutorial notes to refer to during tutorials.
3) Notes only left on the 'common' computer for 'extraction' post lecture
4) Time-table are subjected to changes, thus, need to self check on intranet for updates WEEKLY!
5) 3,500 essays/assignments are expected of every module and they weight about 20% of the final grade of the particular module.
6) Reference text costs at least SGD 100 each... (Luckily, only need 3, but nearly SGD 300+ flew away already)\
7) School starts at 8am and ends 7pm but has 2-3hrs break in between lessons!
8) Food is dirt cheap of SGD 1.50 for a bowl of mushroom noodles. *wow!*
9) You can borrow up to 12 reference books/journals from the library. (provided you have the strength to carry all of them home at once.)
10) Lockers are not provided and not allowed for rentals as it is only a 8mth course.




I feel overwhelmed at student life now!

Last Day Of Work

Tonight would be my last night duty for me and it would also mark my last day working in Ward 43 before I am off to study... No particular feeling, no sadness, no anxiety, no missing, absolutely nothing! Guess I am still not over Steven Gately's passing. Am still updating myself daily over his latest news, in search of autopsy results, urine tests for cannabis and waiting for the Bulgarian man to say his part of story. What infuriates me is that his Steven's partner, Andy, was like being intimate with the Bulgarian guy while Steven was supposedly asleep 'or rather dead' only to be woken the next afternoon realizing Steven was cold & blue in a crouching position the sofa, DEAD.

I somehow wished I would get to see the memorial service or burial ceremony via SCV or internet. Don't mind paying a little for it also. I just hope SCV would be able to do the same as it did with MJ's tribute with Steven's.

RIP Steven Gately. Boyzone would never be the same without. Your voice and smile will be missed by many fans, including myself, around the world. What is Boyzone without Steven, anyway???

Punggol Residence

Finally, in 4+yrs time, we will own our OWN home. At long last, a place to call 'OUR HOUSE' or 'OUR HOME'.

It is located at Punggol and when we went to select the unit at HDB Hub, it was like as we looked at the available units left, this particular unit number just appeared so fondly to us both at the same time that we said the unit number at the same time. So since both of us had the same unit in mind, we confirmed that very unit and it was available even by the time it was our turn to choose.

Ok, we will put the first deposit in 4mths. A whooping SGD20K from our CPF! The total cost of the house would be SGD309K and I guess it is ok considering that in future we will be near the MRT station, Bus interchange and a shoppping mall would be built.

Anyway, my in laws suggested we keep this good news from the PRC woman as they fear that she will pester my brother in law more persistantly for a house due to jealousy. I heard they have been applying few times only to fail in getting a chance to choose a flat. I am not sure about this but I have a gut feeling that is perhaps because the PRC just got her PR and moreover she ain't earning a single cent being jobless, thus, the government is 'clever' not to allow them to have a chance to have a flat unless their combine income is more as well as stable. Serve him right for marrying a jobless PRC woman who is dying to get a flat of her own... Serve him right also for being an irresponsible husband to his ex-wife, therefore causing a divorce, leading to him having to give up a perfectly furnished home. Maybe the government is also considering the fact that he has ever 'disposed' of a flat unit before that hence, slower the application process for him. Whatever! None of my concern, as long as they move out asap!

WHAT THE FUCK?!

STEPHEN GATELY

17th March 1976 - 10th October 2009

*WHAT HAPPENED? WHY SUDDEN DEATH? ANOTHER M.J MYSTERY TO BE SOLVED! AUTOPSIES PLZ!!!!*

School Starts In 12 Days!

Went down to my future school to submit my admission forms and did a self-orientation tour around the school to reminisce my old school days 6 years ago when I was still my courtship phrase of my relationship. It was where we spent most of our dating time, studying together, eating lunch as a couple and doing our assignments at the library after school.
The place hasn't change much and old memories still run fresh in my mind.
However, this time, I return back to the school without him to eat lunch or study with and do assignments together. This time, I return back to the school married and taking my Advance Diploma, something that I had always dreamt of since I graduated 6 years ago.
Wish me all the best in my studies and academic life. Not sure if my brain has rusted as well as grown fungus after all these years of un-studying... :)

Melbourne Trip 25 Sept - 3 Oct 2009

Day 1- 25.9.09
Weather: Nice but very miserably raining
Place visited: Melbourne City Area, Melbourne Aquarium, LV Store
Mood: Tiring as it was a lots of walking around and perhaps due to the fact that I have just touched down from the airport without good sleep whilst on the plane. However, basically like it just that the rain was the mood spoiler.


Day 2- 26.9.09
Weather: Chilly (the winds in Melbourne is like bone chilling)
Place visited: CW's friend's place for BBQ lunch and CW's working place cum restaurant with great Japanese food + wonderful Ikura.
Mood: Love it! Watched the 'Footie' aka Australian so called football + rugby mixed together into a sport. Not as tired.

Day 3- 27.9.09
Weather: Horribly cold and rainy
Place visited: Went to the Dandenong Ranges but it was raining so heavily. Didn't manage to get a good view of the greenaries. Had lunch at Ms Mapples with nice scones and beef pastries. Cooked dinner back at CW's place and watched some lame S'porean movie with a bad ending...
Mood: Dampened by the rain!

Day 4- 28.9.09
Weather: Nice and sunny but with breezy winds
Place visited: St Kilda's beach, Luna Park, Brighton Bridge and we walked from Brighton Bridge after dinner back to St Kilda. It was a long walk... Had blisters from the walk. (Funny how wearing comfy shoes and socks could still bring about blisters.) Nevermind, as long as CW is satisfied with this adventure, it is ok. At least she managed to satisfy her curiosity and accomplished what she wanted to do.
Mood: Glad and neutral. Love the beaches!

Day 5- 29.9.09
Weather: Perfect sunlight with light breeze
Place visited: Phillip Island. Met the Penguins, Koalas, Wombat, Kangaroos, Emus, Sheeps, Cows, Wallabies and Seagulls. The Nobbies were pretty with the coastal waves and beaches of Phillip Island.
Mood: Elated to be able to come close to those animals and even being able to touch the kangaroos! The Penguins were cute too, small and cuddly, although I can't touch but can imagine myself hugging them.

Day 6- 30.9.09
Weather: Good amount of sun and also windy
Place visited: Windsor (Chapel Street) for brunch. Met up with Ee Kian aka Alisa for lunch. The Rialto had beautiful scenic views of Melbourne from daylight to dusk to evening or should I say night light up. Totally nice! Love the windy feel of almost being blown away whilst being in the open area of The Rialto. Crown Casino had average buffet but pretty much poor service as compared to other Melbourne cafes + restaurants that I had been over the past few days. Disappointing variety of food available, considering it as a buffet style. Desserts there sucks too.
Mood: Neutral, considering the day was good but ended with me almost wanting to strangle the waitress at Crown Casino restaurant for their inefficient service and poor variety of food.

Day 7- 01.10.09
Weather: Sunny day
Place visited: Great Ocean Road
Mood: Love the ocean... I have always been a sea and ocean lover, thus, this tour of the ocean is totally beautiful and lovely. Helicopter view of the 12 apostles were amazing. I am totally blown away by the view...

Day 8- 02.10.09
Weather: Windy with Breeze
Place visited: Queen Victoria Market, Melbourne Zoo and Docklands
Mood: Happy at the zoo as I got to see animals, which is another of my favourite activity. At Docklands, I saw a pair of high heels, silver shoe which was AUD 69 bucks. It was so pretty and I wanted to buy it but I knew if I bought it, there is no opportunity to wear them and even if there was an event grand enough for me to wear, I may also not wear them as they are so beautiful... Thus, I didn't buy them...

Day 9- 03.10.09
I AM BACK IN SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!!
PICTURES ARE BEING UPLOADED IN FACEBOOK!!!!!!!

4 Days More

I am outta of Singapore in 4 days!
I am leaving all those stressful work days in 4 days!
No more PIP nonsense in 4 days!
No more 'Amelia, you need to come back to KK for PIP meetings' in 4 days!
Good bye WDTC and Ward 43 in 4 days!
Good bye Singapore and hubby in 4 days!
Hello CW and Melbourne in 4 days!
Hello vacation and fun in 4 days!



Wish me a safe flight and no mid-air crashes ok?

S-L-O-W

7 days more before I fly off... So freaking long...
2 more working days before I go on leave...
22 Sept have to return back to workplace for PIP meeting despite me officially on leave.
24 Sept would be my PIP presentation 3-5pm, after that I would rush back home to change and off I go to the airport!!!!
:( Why must vacations always be such a long wait????

New Aims...

After being married... My next few goals in life would be...
1) Get my Advanced Diploma In Oncology

2) Having my own 4-room flat home with Jeff

3) Get my promotion as a Senior SN after my Advance Diploma

Guess all the above is easier said than done. Afterall, I am not studying material and besides, I have left studying life nearly 6yrs ago. I have nearly forgotten how it was to sit in lecture theatres listening, jotting down notes, doing projects, presentations, mugging for exams and lastly doing tutorials. Wonder if I can take the amount of 'stress' that comes with being a student again...

Owning a home ain't easy. Firstly, balloting for flats is a challenge. Second-hand flats are not an option as Jeff is worried about 'history' of the flat, which owners may not say. Reasonable. So we are like applying through HDB whenever they have any balloting BTO flats. Waiting for replies. If we get selected to go down HDB to choose our 'ideal' unit, it would also be a difficult choice as the 'ideal' choices left, may not as be our 'ideal' unit. Ok, after the selection, it would be a 3 year wait until we may personally own the flat, then comes the renovation fees and furnishing cost... Another huge bomb, bigger than the one we spend on our wedding. LOLx.

China woman is said to be returning soon. So there goes my peace and tranquility in my in-laws' place. But somehow, I am glad I had these past 2 months to re-build the bond with my in-laws and to care for my mum in-law during the times when she felt helpless. It is also said that brother in-law and that China woman would be getting their own 3-room flat (as they can only afford a 3-room for now) soon. But how soon is soon? I don't quite know either. Afterall, the China woman ain't and hasn't been working, has no CPF and isn't from a exactly rich family, thus, all the expenses would be heavily dependable on my brother in-law and he ain't some rich guy anyway. Hopefully, when she is back from China, she would be able to find herself a proper job to sustain her own household, hand in hand with her husband and not furthur burden on him or his family (which now includes me)... Spoilt bitch!

Anyway, one step at the time, take whatever I can take. Guess, this blog would be my place of ranting at any time I can't take whatever is thrown at me...

To All Lecturers/ Tutors/Teachers/Preceptors Out There

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY

After Much Promises...

Always wanted to find the cash, guts to travel alone and time to go over Melbourne to visit my 'sister'. Had been telling her that I would go over and stay with her one day. Finally, this day would be coming! Got myself all excited although it is still a month away...

Departing: Singapore(SIN - Changi Intl Terminal 3) on Thu, 24 Sep 2009, 2335 hrs
Arriving: Melbourne(MEL - Melbourne Intl) on Fri, 25 Sep 2009, 0855 hrs
Flight: SQ237 (B777-300) Economy Class

Departing: Melbourne(MEL - Melbourne Intl Terminal 2) on Sat, 03 Oct 2009, 1550 hrs
Arriving: Singapore(SIN - Changi Intl) on Sat, 03 Oct 2009, 2140 hrs
Flight: SQ228 (A380-800) Economy Class

Cyaz CW!

Old Song But Nice Lyric

I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still forever You are the sun, you are my light
And you're the last thing on my mind
Before I go to sleep at night
You're always 'round when I'm in need
When trouble's on my mind
You put my soul at ease

There is no one in this world
Who can love me like you do
So many reasons that I
Want to spend forever with you

We've had our fun, and we've made mistakes
But who'd have guessed along that road
We'd learn to give and take
It's so much more than I could have dreamed
You make loving you
So easy for me

There is no one in this world
Who can love me like you do
That is the reason that I
Want to share forever with you

Coz this is a world
Where lovers often go astray
But if we love each other
We won't go, won't go that way
So put your doubts aside
Do what it takes to make it right
Coz I'll love you forever
No one can tear us apart

I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still forever

I just want you to know that I can't eat, I can't sleep
I can't breathe, whenever i'm without you
When we walk, I stand tall
When we talk, I only talk about you girl

Questions Running Through My Mind

- Why do I have this soft spot for you that I give in to you even when you never do formally apologize to me after you have hurt me?

- Why do I always forgive you so readily?

- When will my patience with you run out totally until I walk away from you and never turning back?

- Why do I love you so much?

- When will I realize that I love you no more?

- When will I realize that you have hurt me too much for me to bear anymore and decide to leave you for good?

- How sacrificing I ever be towards you?

- How much more compromising do I have to be just in LOVE's name?

- When is enough really enough?

Words of a FCP to MCP

The day FCP meets MCP...

While you were snoring, I was tearing myself to sleep. Popped 8 piritons to sleep only to be awaken and asked if I wanted Macdonald's breakfast.

How dare you be sound sleep and totally clueless how I had cried myself to sleep, praying to strength to be more ration as well as stronger to tolerate your lies + nonsense?

How dare you belittle my medical knowledge to say I can't even tell the difference between sperm and phelgm which you claimed?

I can feign ignorance but doesn't make me totally unaware what you have been doing while I wasn't home.

*speechless*

God give me strength to tolerate such nonsense until the day my patience has reached my limits. Then, would I totally wash my hands off.

Back To Ward Life

Wef of 11 August 2009, I would no longer be working office hours and enjoying weekends off. I would be transferred to ward life and back to 3-rotating shifts. This is to prepare me for my up-coming Advance Diploma (should I get selected).

So what happens if I don't get selected afterall? God knows...

If I do get selected, it would be 2 years bond and back to ward after the course, I can dream on if I wish to work office hours.

Looks like I can't escape 3-rotating shifts afterall. I am destined to do 3-rotating shifts as a nurse :). I can't run away anymore.

Just hope I do get the application for Advance Diploma...

A Nurse's Prayer

Lord, As I go to work today
I sense that You are near
Here on my knees, I bow my head
In hopes that You might hear.

Oh Lord, I'm just a simple nurse
And humbly now I pray
That with Your help, I will make
A difference today.

Let me give them comfort, Lord
At times when things are rough
And give me courage to go on
When I had enough.

Let me say just one kind word
That, in sadness, brings a smile
And give me time, that with the lonely
I can talk a while.

Let me touch one single life.
Let me ease one single pain.
Let me lend my shoulder to cry upon.
When tears falls freely like rain.

Lord, guide my simple words today
When it's answer that they seek.
Give me strength to carry on
When my body's tired and weak.

Let me ease one broken heart
Let me soothe one crying child.
Give me calm when chaos breaks
And everything turns wild.

Ease the shaking of my hands.
My spirit, please renew.
And when it seems there is no hope
Let me put my faith in You.

Let them see compassion, Lord
Each time I shed a tear.
And when, in death, I hold their hand
Let them feel Your presence near.

I ask this all of You, dear Lord
As on my knees, I pray
But most of all, I ask of You
Help me make it through the day!




Ruth Kephart

Yes or No?

Received a phone call from my Nurse Manager (NM) today...
NM: Amelia, do you want to apply for the Advance Diploma this year? Are you interested?
Me: Yeah.
NM: Ok, I will submit your name for application.
Me: Ok, Thanks!

After hanging up the phone, I had mixed feelings...
- wasn't she supposed to be applying for me earlier this year as during the appraisal in April, she did verbalized that she was considering me an applicant for it?
- wasn't I next in line for this Advance Diploma since it was mentioned since 2008, way before I had shifted from GCC to WDTC? I mean all my superiors has been asking me this same question since the start of the year and my answer has never been a 'No'.
- if I go for this Advance Diploma, I would be bonded to KK for another 2years and it is said the likelihood of me returning back to the office hour job is slim, as well as I would be posted to a very busy ward with poor management.
- if I go for this Advance Diploma, I may have to clear my leave by Oct and should I go Melbourne and visit my friends as well as my 'sister' there? What would the weather be like?
- if I don't go for my Advance Diploma, my career would be stagnant and no progression. That is not what I want. Although, I wouldn't want to be a Nurse Manager, I won't mind being a Nurse Clinician specializing in Oncology.
- if I go for my Advance Diploma, would my marriage life and family life be affected?


Sigh... this Advance Diploma has been mentioned so many times to me over the past few months, yet, I see no realistic actions taken yet. Been told that my name would be submitted few times over the year and only today I hear it would be finally submitted. Anyway, my name submitted, doesn't mean I would be choosen also, it all depends on my Director of Nursing, Assistant Director of Nursing and my Advance Practice Nurse in charge.

Praying that God does show His way for me, be it I get the application or I don't...

Me, A Cupid

Recently, been trying to match my Primary School best friend with my wedding photographer. So far, they have already been sms-ing each other and even dated once last Sunday. Cool...

I really hope the make it into a relationship. I guess age shouldn't be a factor in stopping true love, as long as the guy is mature enough to handle a relationship like a proper man and shows proper responsibilities to maintain the relationship. It would total futile to have a guy much older than you but yet handles relationship matters like an adolescent.

Anyway, had an arguement with my husband on Saturday and I totally hate it when we argue, 'cause all the nasty words would come out from him to piss me off furthur. Sometimes the words can be also very hurting. However, when time is given to cool off, he always manages to apologize with words or actions to melt my heart. Guess different people react differently when they are angry, only to regret it later. Talk of EQ maturity, eh?

Don't seem to get it why I am always so soft hearted towards him. This kind of situation happened in the past with any of my ex-boyfriends, I would have already insulted him, left, right and centre asking they to go fly kite. Perhaps, being fully committed and now progressed on in marriage life has made me force myself to be more tolerant of him. Wonder, when would my patience with him run out one day... Of course, I am hoping that day doesn't come but still, just thinking of how sometimes we have communication break downs and how he treats me when he is angry just annoys me. Tried reasoning it with him few times to make him see how I feel when hurtful words are hurled at me, yes, he apologizes, however, the same thing happens when he is annoyed again.

Love sometimes does hurt, doesn't it?

Analogy

Recently been chatting with few friends on Facebook + MSN and slowly I came up with my own analogy of views regarding on my own personal love and marriage life:

1) Love me for who I am and not whom you want me to be. Love me, accept me for my past, present and future.

2) I am the pork ribs and my husband is the ikan bilis; thus we must be brewed together as a delicious soup for God's tasting one day... decades later...

3) For 9yrs, we have climbed mountain the hand in hand... now it is time to balance on the mountain top without fall down the cliff, 40-50yrs later we will learn to walk down the mountain into the valley of death, hands in hands once again...

Guess, I would come out with more of my own weird analogies to describe my love journey, until marriage, until our own death beds, growing old together (hopefully)... In the meanwhile, I am still hoping for some miracles...

Mundane Life

Family ife has been good for me so far, except that Grandma had a fall last Sunday and ended up in SGH with a hip bone crack, which needs at least another 2 week to heal. So in the meanwhile, it is rehab with physiotherapy at St. Luke;s until we can get her a maid.

Marriage life has been kind to me too... Hope it stays this way, but I won't mind an improvement if possible. However, if it remains this way, I am also satisfied.

Work life has so far been ok too. Nice colleagues and supervisor. Not to forget a not so nice, chilish reception clerk who never fails to irritate me daily with her childish antics.

On the whole, God has been nice to me so far...

Where Have All The Truly Nice Guys Gone???

My heartfelt cries goes out to Vanessa... She must be upset deep down in her heart with regards to what happened recrently or should I say final episode of yesterday. Heartbreaking.

He didn't seem to be that sort of guy when I met him before twice. Neither did anyone of them showed signs of relationship distress. Vanessa never did once talk about these problems before and suddenly she tells me all the flaws of him. They were like this ideal love birds, twittering in love, embracing each other and getting touchy over each other. I was envious of her. But what hidden was an ungentlemenly, MCP attitude and a girlfriend too matured for him.

If he wasn't ready to commit, why bother to even court my dearest friend?
If he wasn't ready for a mature relationship, why does he even want to go for older women?
If he was looking for a 2nd mother to lay down on, I would rather him go fly kite!

Anyways, guess looks can be decieving, actions can also be rather decieving... Happy couples on outside not necessarily mean both parties are truly happy on the inside. My once envy for her has now turned to heart felt sadness for her. I know she is the stronger among us 'sisters' but she too is a woman- a woman who had been just disappointed and betrayed in love.

May my both 'sisters' find themselves the right guy and a guy man enough to love them, treasure them, cherish them and commit to them whole-heartedly to make me envy them once again.

Although, my marriage life is not difference from my pre-marital life, I am satisfied and content. May God bless my 'sisters' and I to find happiness in love one day.

喜欢两个人

没必要回想刚刚下大雨的黄昏
此刻夜空只有美丽的星辰
走过了甜酸各一半的旅程
我单薄的心才能变得丰盛
心会累爱会冷
这是感情必经的过程
只是有人就放弃
也有人愿意再等
等一个发现等一个感动让爱再沸腾
就算很在乎自尊
我们依赖彼此不得不承认
放弃自由喜欢两个人
绑住的两个人
互不相让还是相爱分享一生
不爱热闹喜欢两个人
就我们两个人
在腐不安世界里找到安稳

有时候关心就是交换一个眼神
抚慰就是暖暖紧紧的拥吻
疼爱是不讲理也让我几分
体贴是偶而准你不像情人
心会累爱会冷
这是感情必经的过程
只是有人就放弃
也有人愿意再等
等一个发现等一个感动让爱再沸腾
就算很在乎自尊
我们依赖彼此不得不承认
放弃自由喜欢两个人
绑住的两个人
互不相让还是相爱分享一生
不爱热闹喜欢两个人
就我们两个人
在腐不安世界里找到安稳

在不安世界里找到安稳

My First & Last Louis Vuitton Bag

NDP Tickets

Collected my NDP tickets today. It is my Father's Day present for my dad... :) Although it is kind of F.O.C, it is still something that he is very excited to watch. For the past few years, he has been bugging me asking how to win NDP tickets, thus, this year, I finally won 2 tickets and so he can go watch it with my mum. Somemore, it is the actual day tickets! I am so lucky!

If...

If I had given you a second chance, would you treasure it?
If I told you that I waited for you, would you believe me?
If I invited you to my wedding, would you attend?
If I told you I was getting married, would you care?
If I asked you how are you getting along in life, would you say the truth?
If I said I am happily married, would you be happy for me too?

You said you didn't want us to contact anymore 'cause it is a sad ending to our relationship. But you didn't even give me a second chance to reconcile.
You kept me waiting aimlessly. Although, you did show your jealousy years ago but you never said a word when asked.
Now I that I know that you are happy somewhere out there, I am happy for you and hope you are happy for me too...

Collection Of Wedding Pictures

Went down to collect my wedding day pictures. Love them... Love the way the photographer managed to capture nearly every single fun moment of my wedding day. The few nice candid shots were great also!

15th June 2009

Although I don't know and don't wish to know how you are doing or where you are right now in life... Happy Birthday!

I Dreamed A Dream

There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

Depression

SINGAPORE: Over 60,000 civil servants in Singapore will not be getting any mid—year annual variable component this year. The Public Service Division said this is due to the uncertain economic outlook.

ADVERTISEMENT

The Ministry of Trade and Industry has maintained its GDP growth forecast for this year at minus six to minus nine per cent.

The decision not to pay any mid—year bonus is also in line with the National Wages Council recommendations released on Wednesday.

The annual variable component is an aspect in the flexible wage structure that is adjusted to reflect economic conditions.

The decision of not having a mid—year payment for civil servants, together with cuts made previously, will see annual civil service salaries this year drop by six per cent to 21 per cent compared to 2008. Those in senior positions will receive the largest reduction.

Singapore’s labour movement said many private sector employees have already been affected by cost—cutting measures like pay cuts and wage freeze.

The government’s latest decision not to pay any mid—year bonus will align the public sector with what is already practised in the private sector during these difficult times.

In a statement, the labour movement and its eight unions affiliated to the civil service said they support the government’s decision.

NTUC’s Deputy Secretary General, Halimah Yacob, said public sector employees understand that during such challenging times, it will not be possible for them to insist on being paid the mid—year bonus.

As for the year—end bonus for civil servants, the government said it will decide on this when Singapore’s economic performance in the second half of the year is clearer.

G Muthukumarasamy, general secretary, Amalgamated Union of Public Daily Rated Workers (AUPDRW), said: "AUPDRW understands that the current economic downturn has affected countries worldwide and Singapore is facing an unprecedented recession.

"AUPDRW therefore supports the decision of zero mid—year payment. I am sure that our members and workers understand the challenging economic situation that we are in and the need for a cautious approach to be taken in view of an unstable and unpredictable global economic situation.

"In fact, we are grateful that there has been no retrenchment and pay cut in the public sector, as compared to the private sector employees.

"With everyone taking the necessary steps during a downturn, we believe that when the economy recovers, we will be able to bounce back faster, and our workers will be recognised and appreciated for their contributions and efforts." — CNA/vm


No bonus means no extra money for Great Singapore Sale...
No bonus means nothing to look forward to this June...
No bonus means all the efforts done for the past year is in vain...
No bonus means an 'A' in appraisal is also worthless...
So sad...

Not Used!

~ Not used to being 'fully' married... felt like I haven't been through my customary yet...
~ Not used to calling my in laws, ma & pa.
~ Not used to the feeling of having nothing more to look forward to in this relationship except for a lifelong happy marriage to him.
~ Not used to giving ang pao from next year on and not recieveing them anymore.
~ Not used to the fact that I have moved on to another phrase of my life.
GOD BLESS ME!

3 Days Into Worklife

It has been 3 days since I started work and so far, I am still not used to missing out on my afternoon naps, waking up early, rushing for the train and hurrily eating breakfast at KK food court before starting work.
However, I will still continue to work hard 'cause I had my appraisal done today and it is a good motivation for me to continue striving hard for KK. I am very happy and satisfied with my appraisal and my future planned out so far. :)
Wish me all the luck in getting my entry for advance diploma soon!

Goodbye CW & Holidays, Hello Work

Today marks the last day of my annual leave and back to work on Monday. Oh... I am so dreading it. Enjoyed myself although quite tired from all the wedding planning, honeymoon and meeting up with close friends...

Anyway, CW has also flew back to Melbourne, she should be on the plane by on also dreading to leave Singapore... Have a safe trip, my dear sister!

Sweet Memories

I finally found someone, that knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one, that makes me feel complete
We started over coffee, we started out as friends
It's funny how from simple things, the best things begin

This time it's different, dah dah dah dah
It's all because of you, dah dah dah dah
It's better than it's ever been
'Cause we can talk it through
Oohh, my favorite line was "Can I call you sometime?"
It's all you had to say to take my breath away

This is it, oh, I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one, to be with every night
'Cause whatever I do, it's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone, ooh, someone
I finally found someone, oooh

Did I keep you waiting, I didn't mind
I apologize, baby, that's fine
I would wait forever just to know you were mine
And I love your hair, sure it looks fine
I love what you wear, isn't it the time?
You're exceptional, I can't wait for the rest of my life

Whatever I do, it's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone


Those who attended the wedding on 10 May 2009 would remember this song that made the bride teared during her first march in. Now when I listen and reminisce, I would smile to myself and feel so silly of me for crying yet not knowing why I cried...

6days 5nights In Beijing

Yes, I am back from my honeymoon in Beijing...
Will be posting pictures in Facebook later today after my sleep...
On my last day in Beijing, Jeff & I were involved in a traffic accident, all thanks to the wreckless taxi driver and the way people drives in Beijing. Suffered nothing more than a bruise on my head (Thank God)!
Anyway, meeting up with my dearie sisters on Tuesday! One more week of rest before heading back to work...

Thanks...

My wedding day has gone smoothly all thanks to God, my maid of honour, my wedding photographer, my wedding emcees and lastly my banquet manager...
I didn't turn into a bridezilla, instead, I enjoyed every process of being a bride yesterday.
The only hiccup, which was unexpected, was that I cried even before my first march-in... I was waiting outside the ballroom for the enterance and I felt pretty emotional after hearing the emcee's desciption and speech. The wedding montage song made me even more touched... What really made the tears well up in my eyes was the march-in song...
Anyway, I had much fun mingling with the guests whom most of them didn't notice the tears I had in my eye when I did my first march-in...

So yes, I am officially legally and customary married!!!

Pre-marital Reflections...

Woke up this morning reflecting on my past 12yrs of love life...
- From young, I always wanted a romantic and caring guy with a great personality. Someone who loves me to bits. Someone who would cherish and treasure me. Someone who would give me constant assurance of his genuine love, care and concern for me with words, gestures and via poetry.
- Met my first love at the age of 14. A guy who enjoyed Literature and English language as much as I do. A guy who had a gentle side, quite romantic but had a weird personality. He never told me how he really felt about me, the relationship and always had me guessing his thoughts. Anyway, I thought that he was going to be the one for me. But I was wrong. The relationship only lasted 1.5months and had me upset for many years.
- Along the way, met many guys, toyed their feelings just to spite my first love, letting him see that I was happy as well as 'surviving' well without him. Wanted him to feel that he was the one at the losing end for breaking up with me.
- At the age of 17, met my present husband. The relationship started with me making use of him and his nursing knowledge to help me with my nursing studies, only to fall in love with him in the end. He ain't a romantic guy, ain't someone who would constantly reassure his love, ain't someone who would show his care and concern openly, a guy who is practical by nature and a guy who would rather show his love in subtle ways, indirect ways, ways that you don't notice.
- Legally married when I was barely 23 after knowing my husband for 6yrs. 9months after the legal marriage, my love life was put on a roller coaster ride for the next 3yrs. I was constantly emotionally unstable and was uncertain of my marriage, yet I was determined to work it out. This had drained me mentally and emotionally... I felt it was to atone for my past sins as well as retribution for toying with the past guys' feelings.
- After gritting my teeth and much sacrifices as well as compromises, my certain character and personality has changed. The way I view things has also changed.
- This Sunday as I walk down the aisle, I pray for a happy married life thereafter. A blissful married life, with resolving arguments and stability in our marriage. I pray for our constant faithfulness to one and another for life.

So who says, you will always fall in love and marry your dream guy? I didn't. Yet I am contented.

It Is Next Sunday!!!

7 days more...
Cyaz those invited!!! :)

10 Days Away

Welcome to the era of Swine Flu!

10 Days to my wedding day and Singapore is in 'Orange Alert' state. Now I worry for the attendance of my guest. I have relatives and a close friend flying in from Australia, Hongkong and London.

Back to N95 mask and PPE (Peronal Protection Equipment) at work. Pimples break out in face due to the N95 mask is expected... So upsetting... I will be an ugly bride!

As my wedding date nears, I feel more obstacles appears... How discouraging! As I managed to fight and overcome those obstacles to walk down the aisle, here comes a Pandemic outbreak worst than SARS back in 2003.

Hopefully, everything will just go well and as planned.

Anyway, my honeymoon to Beijing is still on! Praying that China would be not affected otherwise, I would be qurantined and on no pay leave, as well as medical bills would not be subsidised by the hospital.

Tomorrow!

My guo da li has been changed to 25 April 2009 as my mum in law has verbalized that it is a more auspicious day (as per converted to the lunar calendar as 1st April). Weird... it seems like April Fool's day when converted back to the solar calendar, anyways, it is only a day difference and if it makes her happy, then so be it.

So yeah... The day is tomorrow!!! Haha!

Most RSVPs has been confirmed and the final number of tables for the wedding is cut from 20 tables to 14 tables. Cool... Money saving...

And... yes! I am finally excited and looking forward to the day!

22 Days More!!!

respondez s'il vous plait people!

PS: CW, you have to here at my wedding 'cause you are my MOH and I need you!!! Ok?! :)

过大礼

Venue: My House *duhz*

Date: 26 April 2009

Items: Ping Jing for my mum, 12 Oranges, 2 bottles of XO and my ang bao as substitute for the si dian jing

PS: My in laws said I need not buy anything back...But I don't feel good about that. However, traditionally the bride side need not get anything for the groom's side...

Next Month = 30days More

Received an sms last evening from one of my dearest close friend asking how I was feeling as a bride-to be in a month's time. My reply was neutral. Guess that answer is seldom heard from a bride-to be.

Well, in fact I was wishing the day to faster come, so that I can enjoy it, bask in the joys of it and get over as well as done with it. The preparation phrase is already nearly killing me, all the trivia details are like being blown to big proportions. Both parents said they wanted it to be a simple affair and told us they would just follow the flow of things. Instead, with every decision made, they complained of it being too simple, too 'impolite' and not proper. So they made a fuss and got their way. Just for example:
- When I asked my parents about the cards being send to relatives without cakes, the answer I got was that the cake is just a 'extra' practice. Thus, when I got my dad to send out the cards, my mum started questioning me where the cakes was, when I told her back they had initially told me regarding the cake issue, she began getting defensive and said it was so informal to have cards without the cakes. Hence, she got her way and relatives were presented with cake vouchers with their cards.
- My mum in law once told us they she understood that we had wanted a simple wedding without much elaborate practice as we have rather introvert personalities. However, she started screaming when my husband told her that he rather have no much relatives or friends around when he brings me back on that day for tea ceremony. She insists ALL relatives should be around and tea ceremony for all relatives. Next moment, she said they if don't intend to have tea ceremony for relatives, she replied, " Then, I also don't want to have tea ceremony too." Gosh, imagine on that day, I have serve tea to that PRC bitch! But what to do, in order to please everyone, I have too...

It really ain't easy having a wedding where you have to please everyone and you end up being miserable and upset over stuff. It is exactly what I feel about tea ceremony for that bitch! I never liked her, she never liked me. I would never and never will truly recognize her as my sister in law, neither will she. I would not even admit her as part of my family circle, neither will she. However, I still have to serve tea to her and pretend or act like I do and will recognize her as my sister in law. Anyway, the thought of her pretentious act also irks me... So I guess it is a mutual feeling we have each other.

Just hope I can get over the tea ceremony with her as soon as possible. Get over the acting. I also believe that day would be quite chaotic with relatives and parents making last minute changes to the schedule and alter plans as they deem fit making us really pissed yet we have to maintain their smile for the camera.

I just wish that day would just faster come and go. So that I can enjoy my wedding dinner in peace and quiet without much formalities...

*headache*

* Guo da li or betrothal

When: One or two weeks before the wedding

What: Gifts and cash are delivered to the bride's home by the groom's family. The bride's family will take some of the items and return the rest to avoid the impression that they are selling their daughter.

Why: It shows the groom's financial dependability and assures the bride's family that she will be well taken care of after marriage.

Must-have items: Pin jin (money in red packets), jewellery for Teochews (si dian jin), dried seafood for Cantonese, pig trotters for Hokkiens, oranges, liquor and dragon and phoenix candles

Symbolism: Pin jin is given to the bride's family for taking care of her. Accepting the dragon candles signifies that her family accepts him as a son-in-law. Offering the phoenix candles to the groom's family symbolises the giving of their daughter's hand.

* Dowry

When: On the same day after offering the guo da li

What: Gifts are presented from the bride's parents to their daughter and future son-in-law.

Why: The gifts are to bless the couple and to show that the bride is ready to take the new roles of wife and mum.

Must-have items: Baby bathtub, potty, basin, sewing kit, tea sets, bowl set, lamps and towels

Symbolism: The baby bathtub, basin and potty are to encourage the couple to have children. The sewing kit signifies a capable wife, the wedding lamps a bright future and the bowls abundant food.

* An chuang or bed installation

When: 8.30pm on the eve of the wedding

What: Items are placed on the marriage bed and the couple is not allowed to enter the room until the wedding ceremony is over.

Why: It symbolises good health, abundance of fortune and offspring for the couple.

Must-have items: Eight types of auspicious seeds and grains, oranges, red packets, metallic discs (da yuan and xiao yuan)

Symbolism: The discs signify a blissful marriage while the foodstuff is to bless the couple with children early.

* Hair combing

When: After 11pm on the eve of the wedding. In the Chinese calendar, any time after 11pm denotes the next day

What: The bride and groom's hair are combed by their parents. The father recites the blessing while the mother combs the hair three times.

Why: Each stroke holds an auspicious meaning for the various stages of life after marriage

Must-have items: Combs, sewing kit, mirrors, red string and ruler

Symbolism: The red string, which signifies a blessing, is used to tie the bride's hair. The ruler is to remind the couple to cherish the relationship and take care of the family.

DISC Personality Test

Did the 'DISC' personality test and found that I am the Type 'D' personality...

People who score high in the intensity of the "D" styles factor are very active in dealing with problems and challenges, while low "D" scores are people who want to do more research before committing to a decision. High "D" people are described as demanding, forceful, egocentric, strong willed, driving, determined, ambitious, aggressive, and pioneering. Low D scores describe those who are conservative, low keyed, cooperative, calculating, undemanding, cautious, mild, agreeable, modest and peaceful.

General Characteristics:
Direct. Decisive. High Ego Strength. Problem Solver. Risk Taker. Self Starter

Value to Team:
Bottom-line organizer. Places value on time. Challenges the status quo. Innovative

Possible Weaknesses:
Oversteps authority. Argumentative attitude. Dislikes routine. Attempts too much at once.

Greatest Fear:
Being taken advantage of.

Motivated By:
New challenges. Power and authority to take risks and make decisions. Freedom from routine and mundane tasks. Changing environments in which to work and play.

Ideal Environment:
Innovative focus on future. Non-routine challenging tasks and activities. Projects that produce tangible results. Freedom from controls, supervision, and details. Personal evaluation based on results, not methods.

Remember a High D May Want:
Authority, varied activities, prestige, freedom, assignments promoting growth, "bottom line" approach, and opportunity for advancement.

DO:
Be brief, direct, and to the point. Ask "what" not "how" questions. Focus on business; remember they desire results. Suggest ways for him/her to achieve results, be in charge, and solve problems. Highlight logical benefits of featured ideas and approaches.

DON'T:
Ramble. Repeat yourself. Focus on problems. Be too sociable. Make generalizations. Make statements without support.

While analyzing information, a High D may:
Ignore potential risks. Not weigh the pros and cons. Not consider others' opinions. Offer innovative and progressive systems and ideas.

D's possess these positive characteristics in teams:
Autocratic managers - great in crisis. Self-reliant. Innovative in getting results. Maintain focus on goals. Specific and direct. Overcome obstacles. Provide direction and leadership. Push group toward decisions. Willing to speak out. Generally optimistic. Welcome challenges without fear. Accept risks. See the big picture. Can handle multiple projects. Function well with heavy work loads.

Personal Growth Areas for D's:
Strive to be an "active" listener. Be attentive to other team members' ideas until everyone reaches a consensus. Be less controlling and domineering. Develop a greater appreciation for the opinions, feelings, and desires of others. Put more energy into personal relationships. Show your support for other team members. Take time to explain the "whys" of your statements and proposals. Be friendlier and more approachable.

Life Of The Past Year

As I was reading through my blog of my rants and raves of the past year, I realized that I really do admire myself. I admire my own courage, my own strength and my endurance level.

2008 has been a one hell of a roller coaster ride for me. The numerous times I sank into depression while typing my entries and happiness was all short-lived. To think that I have been through so much, to come this far... The entries of sadness and how I turned to God to give me strength and His guidance to guide me through all the pain I was going through.

I also realized that I have made so much changes to maintain this marriage and so far I still see slight improvement. Of course, I am still living on and carrying on this marriage in hope of a miracle that would drastically change my married life for the better.

Well... as you read this entry, keep me in your prayers ok?

Wedding Cards

I have mailed out 2 wedding cards to my bestie and cousin overseas few days ago. However, I am stuck and unsure when to mail out those to my other friends as well as colleagues whom I am inviting. When I told one of friend that I would be giving the cards out next week, her immediate reaction was "so fast? so soon eh? don't want to wait until next month? don't wanna wait until things are more stablized eh?". Then, I am online, one of my friend just asked me how come she hasn't recieve my card yet and when I told her it is still too early, her response was "huh? early meh? your wedding date is a hot date leh. better book your guests early otherwise they may get invited to another wedding."
So now I am wonder when should I be mailing and distributing my cards? When is it too early and when is it too late???
Hmmz...

Top 10 Relationship Tips

1. Act Out of Character.
Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type -- in a positive way -- you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time. -- Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia
2. Get in Touch a Lot.
No doubt you hug and kiss each other. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV and taking his hand when you're walking down the street are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level. -- Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples"
3. Take Turns Talking.
To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement -- and get your points across -- alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks. -- Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Opening Love's Door"
4. Find the Intersection.
When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacation in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun... how about Miami? -- Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love"
5. Be More Positive Than Negative.
There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time." -- Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD
6. Echo Each Other.
When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood. -- Yvonne Thomas
7. Take a Time-Out.
Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room. -- Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection
8. Have His Back.
You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side... and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what. -- New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD
9. Spend a Little Money on Each Other.
You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun -- and meaningful -- when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get -- and think about -- each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color. -- Barton Goldsmith
10. Be a Good Date. Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook -- if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box -- dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat. -- Jennifer Oikle

*sounds very easy...but trust me it ain't that simple...*

Pondering...

Stuff to ponder and settle before 10 May 2009:
- find at least 2 ushers cum receptionist for my wedding dinner
- decide what kind of lunch my guest at my place will have after the tea ceremony... Pizza or Buffet... I like the idea of Pizza though.
- send out wedding cards soon
- where to get wedding cake vouchers for relatives
- the four gold items (are they really necessary, I dun like yellow gold anyway.)
- after the customary wedding, can I continue staying with my parents or should I be going back to my in laws' as my MIL is asking me back and I can see her effort made to 'invite' me back.
- what will my wedding day be like and will I be able to enjoy and relish in every moment of that day?
- will I even make it to my wedding day as a happy bride, walking down the aisle with all the well-wishes from my dear friends, relatives and close colleagues?


*think I am suffering from pre-wedding jitters already*

Some Special People Will Be Recieveing This Over The Next Few Weeks!

The Wedding Continues...

After much consideration, I decided to let the wedding continue.
Reasons:
- Save our parents' and our face.
- He also loves me and also feels that he wants the wedding too as he still has that feelings for me.
- It is so near to the wedding date already, kind of too late to back-out or postpone.
- Lots of effort and cash has been pumped in for the wedding, so kind of wasted it is cancelled.
- Since, I was the one who created the mess years ago, I must live with the aftermath of it no matter what.
- Most importantly, we still do love each other. That should be sufficient enough to carry on the wedding.

Just like what one of friend said to me, as long as he loves u truly and still showers you will other forms of intimacy like kisses and hugs, sex ain't crucial.
I must be determine to prove that a sexless marriage will still be a fulfilling marriage.

I Need To Find Myself

After so many years being with him, I finally realized many things last night:
1) I have lost my original self of carefreeness, emotionally strong, fun-loving, risk taking and someone who can take stress easily.
2) I have been dependent on him for my daily dose of emotional support, love and companionship.
3) I have been living this love life a lie.
4) He is still stuck in the era of how I had almost chosen him over another guy years ago when before I had ROM-ed with him.
5) He can't get over the fact as stated above until he is handicapped sexually.
6) He doesn't love me as much as I thought he do as he had verbalized that he only loves me 70% and not 100%.
7) My marriage with him may or may not last and it would be a gamble that I have to take if I want to carry on with this wedding.
8) He actually can't bear to call off the wedding due to the amount of money he had already pumped in and because he feels that he still kind of want this relationship as he finds it a 'pity' to let it go.
9) If choose to marry him on 10 May 2009, I would have a marriage without a sexual relationship.
10) I need to be stronger emotionally and psychologically with deal with the battle of my failed love life yet again.

PS: I almost called off the wedding but withdrawn from that decision as I found myself emotionally not ready to handle whatever consequences thereafter. I also can't bear to tell my parents that I am walking into a marriage that is already doomed from the start. My love life has failed terribly yet again... On the day of my wedding, remember to shed a tear of sympathy for me while I carry on living a lie due to my own weakness.
I found myself unable to sleep last night and even if I did for a short while, I had nightmares of stress and uneasiness...

为什么受伤的总是我

天空下着雨
我从背后望着你
就这样走出我的生命
曾经的承诺
只像雨里的彩虹
我受伤的心真的好痛
为什么受伤的总是我
到底我是做错了什么
我的真情难道说你不懂
为什么受伤的总是我
如何才能找到我的梦

No Progress

As my wedding date creeps nearer, nothing has been done... No progress. Wedding cards are not choosen, wedding favours, wedding dinner details not discussed and honeymoon destination or even of there is going to be a honeymoon are not planned. Asked him about these details and I am brushed off with a 'why so gan chong? still early?', 'got enough money for honeymoon meh?'. When the banquet representative from the country club calls to ask him when we would able to do down to choose the wedding cards and favours, his reply was 'next week lah. I am very tired.' Haiz... Why do I sense no form of enthusiasm from him? Isn't he as anxious and worried as me about the wedding? Is he really interested and willing to marry me as much as I am willing to marry him and looking forward to life with him?

Last evening, I was thinking about my worth to him? Am I just a secondary substitude to his work, PS games and arcade games? It seems to me, the only time that I do come to his mind is when he is done with his own things and is bored then that is the time when he comes looking for me.

At times, as I am reading self-improvement books or books regarding strengthening one's marriage or marital relationship, I get this feeling that I am the only one who is putting in effort in trying to maintain a strong marital relationshop. I don't know if he is even putting in any effort, 'cause I see or feel none.

Yes, he was there when I was sick and needed dinner. Yes, he was there when my PCOS pain came back and I was at A&E seeing the doctor. Yes, he is still with me at my house during the weekdays. Yes, we still do share the same bed. Yes, we still kiss, hold hands and hug at least once every two days. But, we are like a couple without a good, healthy sexual relationship, without much bonding, without romance like other couples.

That leads me to my next question... Does sex = true love? If no, when what is sex? If yes, does it mean he doesn't love me as much as I thought he does?

At times, I ask myself if I made a wrong move by signing on the marriage cert. at ROM. However, whenever I think of how much he has done for me so far, my heart waivers and I am touched by his small gestures. Then, I start thinking of how much of sexual aspect of the relationship that is lost along the way and I get into a dilemma yet again. I long for his 'touch' and the way he 'satisfies my sexual needs'... I am not desperate for any guys' touch, I only want his... That sometimes, just brings me close to tear that my simple yearnings are not met...

Why can't enjoy a healthy and good marriage like any other women? How different am I from other women that I do not deserve such simple pleasues of being married?

Hopefully, as I walk down the aisle on 10 May 2009, the tears that roll down my cheeks would be tears of joy, not tears of misery and sadness or pity for myself...





PS: After all the rantings, I still love him... Just only him...

When You Tell Me That You Love Me

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know whats beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
Ill make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
Im shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everythings easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
Ill make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
Im shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
Ill make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
Im shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

'Romantic' Valentine's Day

The flu bug loves and missed me so much that it has to pay me a visit on Valentine's Day, spoiling my mood. My 'big aunt' also visited me... So nice... Thus, I had to stay at home today, sneezing, clearing my throat, sleeping, taking meds and changing pads.

Hubby came with flowers and take-away food for dinner in the evening... Kind of feel sorry that we had to spend Valentine's day like that. So pathetic with packets of wanton noodles, almond jelly, liang teh and dessert was 'red ruby'.

Going to take my medicine and once the drowsy effect take place. Hopefully, we will have our proper Valentine Dinner soon... Haiz...

Easier Said Than Done

Ten Rules for a Happy Marriage

1. Never both be angry at the same time.

2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.

4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.

5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.

6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

8. At least once every day try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your life's partner.

9. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.

10. It take two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.

Ten Rules for a Happy and Successful Husband

1. Show affection to your wife and be truly faithful to her.

2. Do not nag or abuse her; avoid prolonged arguments.

3. Always kiss and make up before retiring.

4. Compliment your wife liberally. It makes her a better cook and a finer companion.

5. Treat your wife occasionally to a dinner or a show or both.

6. Drink and eat moderately.

7. Plan your budget together.

8. Admit your mistakes with regret.

9. Keep your business problems and troubles where they belong.

10. Pray together and stay together.



Ten Rules for a Happy and Successful Wife

1. Avoid arguments. Your husband has his share from other sources.

2. Don't nag.

3. Don't drink or eat to excess.

4. If you offend your husband, always ask forgiveness before you retire.

5. Compliment your husband liberally. It makes him a better husband.

6. Budget wisely together. Live within your income.

7. Be sociable and go out with your husband.

8. Dress neatly and attractively for your husband, and keep your home clean and cheerful.

9. Keep your household troubles to yourself.

10. Pray together and stay together.



PS: We had an arguement one day before Valentines' Day, so looks like I would spend my Valentines' Day sulking, lonely, nursing a flu at home ALONE... Watever! What The Heck!

鸭子

看着你搭taxi孤单地离去
全世界只剩我在淋雨
想着你可能去谁或谁怀里
胡乱猜搞得我无法呼吸
明明是好天气却感觉下雨的情绪
我和你为何都我对不起你
转个弯到街上一个人溜冰
要自己像只骄傲的鸭子
不要爱的鸭子

aah 去吧
没什么了不起
什么都依你
却看轻我自己
虽然我爱你
不许你再孩子气
寂寞的鸭子
也可以不要你

有时爱会让人变得笨笨地
习惯性只去你的心里
没有你我的心就像遥控器
在每个频道里
疯狂找你
疯狂想你
疯狂看你

Was on the taxi this morning and heard this familiar song which woke me up from my dazed mood. When the song was being played, I was smiling to myself as memories of 2 crazy 15year old girls were screaming rather than singing this song daily during their recess time, before and after school.
Such fond and fun memories... :)

Doesn't Pay Being Nice

Haiz, perhaps I learn to be more heartless and considerate to those who doesn't appreciate my efforts as well as my kindness to get them out of trouble...

For the past few months, since I have been transferred to a new department and 'separated' from GCC, GCC staff has been making lots of blunders and errors to hinder the smooth process of chemotherapy. Instead of making a big fuss, Mari (my ex-partner) and I would take the effort to go down personally down to GCC to resolve the issue as well as talk to the respective mistake-maker to rectify things. Sometimes, we would even speak to their deputised 'manager' to work things out. The reason we do that is so they, we could save the staff who makes the mistake from being scolded or de-moralized by the GCC manager who can be quite nasty when annoyed. Mari and I knows the negative traits of this manager and don't wish any of our ex-colleague to be chided or given long lectures during daily roll-calls.

Mari and I also didn't even voice any displeasure to our new manager and superior to minimise any 'communication' within the management level. We just trouble-shoot the errors, amend any issues and keep it within ourselves and the staff who made the errors.

Instead, recently, the feedback we heard is that 'Mari and Amelia is too free and trying to find fault with GCC staff...' and 'Ask Mari and Amelia to remember where they came from and that they were once GCC staff also...' The worst part is we were once told to flag out any errors to their manager directly but we haven't done that, as we were kind enough to spare anyone from poor appraisals or long scoldings from their manager. Now this the sort of remarks we are facing...

Now Mari has left and resigned. It is about time, I do something to save my own troubles of being misunderstood when I am trying to be nice to people who don't appreciate it. It is sad to be misunderstood constantly in life. It is disappointing to know that your own efforts to save others from trouble has all gone down the drain.

It ain't easy clearing someone's mess or shit and to keep mum about it to any higher authorities, however, I am still being accused of being difficult and picky. Since, GCC staff don't appreciate the efforts being made to prevent them from being scolded or marked down for their appraisals, then, I will be truly nasty and difficult.

Today, I made a list of troubles that GCC has been creating, reported it to my manager and Assistant Director of Nursing. The manager has since typed an email to the GCC manager, 'reminding' her to take note of the hiccups that her staff has created. Looks like roll-call on Monday would be at least 1.5hrs long and God bless those staff involved...

Don't blame me... It is time people at GCC know what a BITCH this Amelia can be when provoked...

Think I shall also apply theory to those who fails to appreciate me or my kind efforts...

95 days more...

Feelings for my upcoming wedding:
- scared
- fear
- excited
- anxious
- jittery


PS: my colleague has left me, thus, I am doing double workload with the same amount of pay :(