Review of My 2015

In 2015, I wouldn't say it was a fantastic year for me, neither would I judge it as a bad year. Nothing much happened to bring me euphoric joy nor major depression.

As I review my resolutions and wishes for 2015, I realized that I had met and fulfilled 4 out of 5 resolutions made. The only resolution unmet, is the need for a better career or pay raise for the amount of work I do.

The important events of 2015:
1) the adoption of Charcoal
2) committed myself into a marriage.
3) got my own flat/house

要幸福好难

忘了我的感慨,自己越不明白。
站在圈子外,看什么都精彩。
在这茫茫人海,我该在哪里存在?
身上太多刺,却怕被伤害。
谁都无法置身事外。
努力到了极限还是输给时间。
终于明白爱的对白,结局是好是坏把握现在。
终于放开,放开了对未来的安排。
爱不应该是期待,我渴望的幸福没离开。。。

Near Dead Blog

This blog is near dead... I don't seem to have anything much nor exciting to update anymore.

Depending on how you view it, it could be a good and bad thing. Good in the sense that my life is stable and I am indeed happy with my current lifestyle as well as status. It also shows that I have been also too caught up with my activities of daily life that I have neglected my blog. Indeed, my life has been revolving ard work, husband and my Charcoal. Bad in the way that my life is too mundane and boring so much that I have nothing to rant, announce and share about. But doesn't mean I haven't been active on other social media channels. I am still very much on Facebook and Whatsapp to those close and dear to me.

Till then... Ciao. Will return once I have anything interesting or big to share or announce to the world!

I Am Charcoal

Hi! My name is Charcoal. I am currently coming to 6 months old. My date of birthday is on 28th April 2015, the same day of my parents' ROM.

Mummy found me on 21st June 2015 and had brought me home, where I have been having a blissful life ever since. I share the home with a white hamster to admire and tease. In this new home, I have practically everything a happy cat needs: many toys, a cat tree, a cat stand, three scratching poles and two cat beds. I heard that Mummy loves cats and has influenced Daddy, who used to prefer dogs, to love me as much.

My favourite food includes:
- Halibut
- Tuna
- Mackarel
- Fish Roe
- Unagi
- Duck
- Chicken
- Prawn
- Cheese
- Crab

I am contented in such simplicity of life and enjoy my naps with Mummy and Daddy during weekends.

I have been fully vaccinated against feline diseases and dewormed to prevent worms growing in my tummy. Recently, I had to undergo a surgery called Spaying. Mummy said it was to protect me from unwanted pregnancies and future cancer diseases. Did you know that there are many unwanted kittens and cats being put to sleep due to lack of societal acceptance daily?

I am lucky that although my fur is all black, Mummy and Daddy didn't believe in all those silly superstitions, they even stood up for me to those who uttered those beliefs.

Looking forward to living the rest of my life and years with Mummy & Daddy.

Emo Songs Provokes Emo Thoughts

我吻过你的脸
你双手曾在我的双肩
感觉有那么甜
我那么依恋
每当我闭上眼
我总是可以看见
失信的诺言全部都会实现
我吻过你的脸
你已经不在我的身边
我还是祝福你过得好一点
断开的感情线
我不要做断点

你之后的我

你之后的我学会更爱自己
你之后的我学会比过去更幸福
你之后的我学会爱一个更会珍惜,爱护,心疼和体贴我的丈夫
你之后的我学会做一个没有你但能更开心的女强人

Broken Vow

PS: TO THAT FELLOW WHO BROKE HIS VOWS AND MY DREAMS OF EVERLASTING HAPPINESS DOES EXIST....

Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end
Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own
[Chorus:]
I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time
[Chorus]
I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end
[Chorus]

Lessons Learnt In Certain Aspects of Life

1) The level of education of person does not necessarily equate to his/her manners and attitude towards others.
2) The physical outlook of a person isn't as important when choosing a lifelong partner. Personality, character and his/her ability to commit to the relationship is far more important.
3) Saying wedding vows are touching but the ability to fulfil them in the long run without regrets are more worth moving tears for.
4) Being married is one thing but being committed in a marriage is more worth thinking about.
5) There is no need to have many friends, just a few close friends who are willing to be for there when you need them the most is more worth having.
6) Having a husband who loves you more than you love him is much better than having a husband who is rich but doesn't have time to spend with you.
7) Work will never end. Going home to a loving home and family is worth more than slogging your life out.
8) Average lifestyle is simplicity at its best. There are some things in life that money can't buy.
9) Being divorce is a social stigma but leaving a spouse who had never treasured or cherished you is definetely worth all those belittling eyes.
10) Marriage is created by the hands of two people, so is divorce. Hence, when a divorce happens, both husband and wife are equally to be blamed and not just one person.

What Would I Do?

What would I do if I meet you on the streets?
I would probably ignore you and pretend that I didn't see you.

What would I do if you ever became one of my patients?
I would get another colleague to attend you and serve you.

What would I do if I had to make a decision between letting you die or to save your life?
I would save your life and then walk away.

What would I do if I had found out that you had remarried?
I wouldn't even give a damn, for I too, have remarried and lead a happier life now.

What would I do if one day I found that you had died?
I would say 'God bless and may your soul rest in peace'.

What would you do?

Welcome 2 The Family

Name: Charcoal
Age: 6-8 weeks

幾米長城 - 娛樂分享區 - 沒什麼事是放不下的，痛了，你自然就會放下

幾米長城 - 娛樂分享區 - 沒什麼事是放不下的，痛了，你自然就會放下

Who Should One Love?

What are the qualities that a female would want in their ideal partner:
- stable high-flying career
- good income or high earning power
- drives a car
- owes his own apartment/place
- handsome
- sauve
- tall
- sexually enticing
- good character + personality
- caring towards her
- loves her a lot
- willing to spend on her
- able to provide her wants + luxury
- time to be there for her whenever she needs him to be around her
- able to ferry her to and fro work

But how many of us stopped to think:
Q1) For someone to be on a high position of the corporate ladder, he must have backstabbed many people or curry-favoured his bosses or superior? Hence, doesn't that contradict the good personality criteria?
Q2) For someone to have a high earning power and good income, he must spend lots of time at work or for work trips. Money doesn't drop from the sky.
Hence, doesn't that not qualify for the 'able to spend time with her whenever she needs him to'?
Q3) Even if he is rich now, that doesn't guarantee him to be rich forever. He may even be his own boss but that doesn't mean his business will never go bust.
Q4) For someone who is able to so perfect, what makes you think that you will be able to match to his expectations? I am for him to be so perfect, he will probably or likely have very high standards for his ideal partner too. Would he even want to settle down to be in a committed relationship?
Q5) What happens if a guy doesn't have the physical qualities that you are looking for, but has all the non-tangible qualities, such as great personality, good character, loves and cares for you a lot? Do you outcast him?
Q6) God is fair and will never make someone so perfect. So what happens if you meet someone not so perfect? Does that make him any less human?
Q7) What if such a perfect person is someone of the same sex? Does that mean you can accept her as a partner for life and love her the same way that you would love a man?

Ponder on. I have questioned myself and answered myself.

Taken For A Fool

Today I realized that you had always taken my opinions and advices lightly.
Today I realized that I was never viewed as sensible by you.
Today I realized that I was always misunderstood by you as a fool.
Today I realized that I was never taken seriously by you.
Today I realized that you probably regretted leaving me and for taking me as a person as well as my mental analytical skills lightly.

Indeed. I have always been smarter than you, able to analyze things more in depth than you and give a more sound advice than you ever know. Come to think of it, if there was no me in your life, you won't have the life u have now. If there wasn't me to encourage you, motivate you, cheer you on and helped you through difficult times, you would just be a nobody. The sin is on you for leaving once you had a better life. The retribution would be yours for betraying me. Karma will catch up with you for being such a ungrateful jerk.

Thankfully the world is ruled with law and I am still afterall bounded by my own strict enforcement of principles of life, otherwise, you would be long harmed physically and wounded in your pride.

I may have forgiven you as a human who erred but not forgotten whatever you have done to me. No amount of apology from you will be able to wash away the hatred I have for you. If I have to go to hell, I won't hesitate to drag you along to burn with me.

Although, I am married now to someone who is much better than you, and to a man, who treasures my talent, brains and accept all flaws of my personality, I still feel that you have failed me and will never be able to compensate for all the hurt you have put me through. Despite having a happier life now without you, it doesn't make me despise you any less.

You better pray that I do not see you ever in my life again... I never wish to cross paths with you ever again. Whatever I owe you, has long been returned to you. Now it is you who owe me a lifetime full of un-repayable debts.

Marriage Is A World of Two People. Hence, The Same Should Be For The Organisation of The Wedding.

Was chatting with my friend earlier this evening. She was asking me about my Bridal Studio and complaining to me on how her parents and grandparents had insisted that her husband and her hold a customary wedding ceremony despite the both of them being legally married with ROM. She was also lamenting on how unhappy and unwilling her husband is with the idea of having a customary wedding ceremony. She even told me that she already predicted that her husband would avoid the preparation process with excuses of being busy or lazy to do anything related with this event. In fact, her husband had told her that if she wants to a customary wedding ceremony, she shall do all preparations and planning by herself and to count him out from them.

Doesn't that sound a little too familiar to me? Doesn't remind me of a position I was in years ago?

Not that I am cursing her to have the same fate as me but I did tell her that organizing and planning for a customary wedding ceremony isn't as easy as it seems. In fact, it requires lots of work and time to find the right Bridal Studio Package, Wedding Gown, Actual Day Photographer and Wedding Event. Not to forget the preparation for wedding, including gown fittings and finding of appropriate decorations for the wedding day, the wedding shoes, pre-wedding photo-shoot and designing of wedding album, choosing of wedding favours, wedding cards, organizing guest list and lastly, the basic manicure and pedicure on the eve of the wedding day. She can't possibly do this all on her own, alone. Her husband has to get involved too.

I told her how her situation reminded me on my own history of having an ex-husband, who was also not interested in any wedding preparations and how stressed up I was alone, doing all the prepartory work and organisation of the wedding. These strained the relationship and marriage furthur, adding to the cracks that we already had.

My current husband, who made time from his life, made wedding preparations made easier and less stressful for me. I immediately recalled how we spent time together planning, searching, organizing and preparing for the wedding, how we were stressed but yet happy to have each other's company during those busy days and how the process also strengthened the love we had for each other. Not to forget, those planning days for our wedding were also the days whereby we were preparing for house, aka love-nest too. Double the stress. However, knowing that my partner is also going through it with me, hand in hand is reassuring and less burdensome for me, It was comforting to me that he was also with me throughout whatever ordeal I had gone through thick and thin, made me feel more willing to entrust my future with him. Afterall, he had seen me through my divorce process also and walked with me through whatever nonsense or biasness that were against us. We fought to be with each other as a couple.

Hence, I firmly believe that since marriage involves two individuals, coming together, forsaking all others, hence the process of planning, organising and coordination for it should also be the responsibilities of two individuals. Not just one bearing the stress and burden of it.

I have learnt from my mistake of being naive. That is why I always maintain my stand that a woman should find and marry a man, who loves her more than she loves him, Period,

Post Marital Reflection

First and foremost, thank you to all that had attended and gave their blessings in one way or another to me on my marriage. I have been blessed with gifts, well-wishes and a smooth wedding day. This time round, I fully enjoyed myself as a bride. Got to mingle with my guest sufficiently and ended my wedding day with much beautiful memories.

Nearly 10 days after being married, I still don't feel like I am a married woman. In fact, at times I will refer my husband as my boyfriend to others during conversations with him.

I guess all these is due to the fact that there hasn't been any much changes after being married to him. He will still ferry me to and fro from work, do housework together, go grocery shopping together and enjoy meals together.

I hope this life would remain status quo as I am blissful now. I don't ask for romantic marriage life nor a rich and materialistic after marriage lifestyle. Just simplicity in everyday life, enjoying things together as husband and wife.

Premarital reflections

Read my post dated 8th May 2009, I realized that my views I had before stepping into my first marriage was very different from how I feel now, before stepping into my second marriage.

In 2009, I walked into the first marriage fearful that it wouldn't last due to all the emotional insecurities that my ex-husband had inflicted on me.
In 2015, I am walking into the second marriage fearful of history repeating itself. Not that I don't trust my fiance, it is more likely that I am cautious after a failed marriage.

In 2009, I walked into the first marriage with doubts that the marriage would last due to the change of my ex-husband's character shortly after ROM.
In 2015, I am walking into the second marriage knowing that my heart is safely guarded and the character of my fiance is more or less stable as well as reliable.

In 2009, I went through the wedding despite knowing that I wouldn't be happy due to pride and fear of ruining my parents' reputation of having a runaway bride as their daughter.
In 2015, I am going to marry a guy whom I know loves me much more than I do love him. I am marrying a guy who knows how to treasure me and be a good husband to me.

I am ending my post with the same sentence as I did in 2009... Who says that you will marry your dream guy? I didn't....

8 Days More To The Start of A New Journey

28th April, the beginning of another chapter of my life. It is funny that I am not the least excited about that day. Instead, I have been having interrupted sleep nightly worrying about history repeating itself. I have also been waking up in the middle of the night due to nightmares.

8 Days to go before I step into married life again. This time round, I am marrying a guy who loves me more than I do, a guy who understands my past, a guy who doesn't mind my bad tempered days, a guy who doesn't bother whether I am with or without makeup or whether my hair is styled or not, a guy who tries hard to be the good husband to the best of his knowledge and lastly, a guy who is willing to devote his life to loving me faithfully.

Do I feel blessed? Frankly, I do feel blessed that God had brought our paths together and allowed us to meet one another. It is just a pity that we didn't meet sooner and I had to go through much crap before meeting him, otherwise I would have been more fair towards him in the sense of loving him as much as he loves me.

Just hope this time, this marriage will work out until death do us apart...

3 Years On

3 Years has passed since I walked away from a failed marriage ..
1 day to my fiance's birthday...
2 weeks to my re-marriage...
4 weeks to my birthday...

Haunting Nightmare

Reminder of the fear of stepping into re-marriage that lives in me.
Reminder of how my past failure still is etched in my memory.
Reminder of how the past abusive experiences I have had has never healed the wounds left in my heart.
Reminder to be viligant to monitor my future happiness post marriage.
Reminder that men might have a tendency to change their attitude and behaviour post marriage.

Woke up in tears last night only to be consoled by my fiance.
Woke up in fear of being physically, emotionally and mentally abusend again.
Woke up trembling, bad shaken by my nightmare.

Looks like I still do bear the scars from my past. I am forever scarred... All thanks to Mr Jeff Ng.

One Month After Living As One

Today marks one month since my fiance and I have lived together under one roof. I wouldn't say it was as pleasant as I would have expected it yet it wasn't as scary as I would have imagined it to be. Much pet peeves and bad habits were discovered as well as funny bed habits were revealed.

One particular habit which I have been totally pissed off is his lack of habit to put down the toilet seat after his peeing business. I know much debate has been going on with this topic: to put down toilet seat or to leave it raised?

My side of argument is that it has to be put down after a man's peeing business.
Reasons:
1) it is more hygienic for the female to use the toilet.
2) any urine stains due to poor aiming is kind of hidden, making the toilet more 'presentable' in case of last minute guest.
3) a man poops sitting down so what's the big deal of needing to stand and pee? Pee sitting too, so that there no need to worry about lifting and putting the seat back down.
4) it also prevents wear and tear of the toilet seat hinge from the repeated lifting up and down of it.
5) it is a form of respect to the female gender, especially when she is the one washing the toilet.

Obviously my fiance is having great difficulties remembering to put down the toilet seat after his peeing, subjecting to me frequent getting upset with him and trying my best to remind him to do the necessary putting of toilet seat down after his peeing. I guess it was a habit that his parents didn't train him from young as there were more males than females in his family and it was worst when his sister moved out after her marriage. Hence, training him now is kind of hard. Sheesh!

That aside, the nightly sleeping habits have been our daily subject of jokes. We always end up laughing about how the blanket was snatched, who took more space of the bed, who snored so loud and who mumbles in his/her sleep during the night.

I also enjoy marketing, shopping for groceries, planning meals and cooking our meals. It is something thatI have liked since being a F&N student. In fact, kitchen is fully equipped for my cooking usage. I have everything I need to whip up a meal and to bake stuff.

In summary, I am happy and blissful living with him. At the same time,I am not too bothered about toothpaste squeezing habits and how the toilet roll should be placed in the holder for usage. Not so particular about those smaller daily living habits. But, I just want to correct his toilet seat habits. Much patience is needed...

RIP Mr Lee Kuan Yew: 1923-2015

"For reasons of sentiment, I would like part of my ashes to be mixed up with Mama’s, and both her ashes and mine put side by side in the columbarium. We were joined in life and I would like our ashes to be joined after this life."
Of all things that were quoted in the press that Mr LKY had said or wrote, I took particular fancy to the above quote that Mr LKY wrote and instructed his kids. Perhaps, because it touches my heart to know that he was such a loving and faithful husband to his late wife.

Although as a Singaporean, sadly, I don't know much about this man, except that he was not exactly a very nice person in real life and I personally don't like the way how he ruled this country. However, I cannot deny the fact that he had dedicated his whole life to developing Singapore, building Singapore to where She is now, achieving much prosperity world-wide and ensuring the fellow citizens enjoyed the same standard of living as developed countries. It was he, who came up with the idea of HDBs and cleaned up Singapore's sanitation issues.

Yet, I have also heard how nasty he is opposition parties in the past by throwing those people against him into jail and no one ever heard from them again, be it alive or dead. He was also in my opinion, a hypocrite, saying that Singapore is a democratic society when in fact, it is more of a communist society ruled under his authoritarian views. Where is the justice served for those who wanted their opinions and voices heard to challenge his beliefs as well as ruling methods?

Now that he has passed on in life, I am predicting that Singapore would be in for radical changes politically and in societal ways of life. Opposition parties would be able to gain the upper hand in the next elections. Mr LHL will have to work doubly hard to maintain the legacy that his dad has left behind. 

Somehow, SG50 celebrations would be marred that LKY isn't alive to witness the country he had built celebrate her Jubilee Birthday. The joyous occasion won't be the same without him.  

Goodbye Mr Lee Kuan Yew, may you Rest In Peace as you re-unite with your wife in Heaven. Hopefully, you would be able to spiritually guide your son in carrying on your legacy to ensure that Singapore maintains the peace and war-less status. May you rise from your grave/ashes as promised should the need arises...

Shuttle Between Happiness and Fear

As I prepare myself, emotionally and physically (lose weight) for my up-coming ROM in April, my feelings shuttle between positive emotions and negative ones. Part of me looks forward to the ROM but another part of me feels fear of history repeating itself once more...

Of course after being with my fiance for nearly two and a half years, I know that he loves me lots and would make a good husband. In fact, I do know for a fact that he loves me more than I do love him. He has proven himself worthy of me. He has accepted my history and also understands my fears as well as insecurities in the journey of life. Even those colleagues, friends and family members are convinced that he does love me a lot and cherish me. They all said that 'he is just so into me', 'he wouldn't do anything to betray my love and trust' and 'he love me so much so that with just one word from me and he would drop the world just for me'. I admit whatever they say. He has done that many times whenever I sink into some odd depressive mood or whenever I need him the most. In fact, he so sweet to me that I feel that he has made up for his physical flaws.

However, another part of me tends to remind myself that my ex-husband was also nice and sweet towards me before marriage. He too, had proven himself that he was the best man for me after 6 years of courtship. He had been through ups and downs with me through polytechnic years to his NS to our working life. I thought he was the one as he had taken care of me when I had to go through an emergency surgery. He also managed to convince my parents that he would the ideal man to take care of their daughter.
We were all wrong! He started to change just 9 months into the marriage. He changed to someone whom I wouldn't have married if I had a second chance. He morphed into another guy. whom I slowly didn't know how to handle and get along with. He became an egoistic, selfish and erratic jerk. The whole relationship and marriage ended 12 years after knowing him and yes, he was the one who suggested to end it all just because he feels that he doesn't love me anymore.

It is just feel so weird to be have my mind fearful of history repeating itself. This is the result of a failed marriage. The fear of another failure in marriage and love haunts me deeply. Yet, some may ask, when choose to marry when you are so fearful still? The answer is simple. Trust. I trust him adequately that he wouldn't let me down. I trust that he wouldn't do the same thing towards me like how my ex-husband did. I trust him enough to allow him to be my husband, to care for me, to cherish me, to honour, to comfort me, to keep me in sickness and in health, forsaking all others and be faithful towards me as long as we both shall live.

Just don't let me be wrong this time round.
Just don't let me fall again.
Just don't let history repeat itself.

5 Weeks More

5 weeks more to the day
5 weeks more till I become someone's wife
5 weeks more till I start a new chapter of my life
5 weeks more till I embark on another journey of marriage
5 weeks more...

God bless this marriage and hopefully, this time round, it would last.

Love-Nest Built

Comfortably settled down into my new home otherwise known as my love-nest with my fiance while I am typing this post.

The past few days had been quite hectic due to all the set-up of the home, including painting works, necessities and groceries shopping, receiving of furniture and electrical appliances, cleaning up of the place, testing out of the electrical appliances and adapting to the new environment. Although it is tiring and energy draining, the final product was all worth it. This place is now my comfort zone, small place but cosy.

Now it is time to preparing ourselves and the place for the upcoming ROM next month.

I am also back to the typical housewife-style, planning meals, buying of ingredients and cooking for the next few days while I am clearing leave...

I have my own oven, toaster, stove and kitchen to do whatever meals and food that I deem fit. Hurray! F&N Days, here I come!

5 Days To Love Nest

Can't believe that this day is coming up this weekend! After much hassles and hiccups, we are finally moving into our Love-Nest. The start of new life as a couple begins, the beginning of seeing each other first thing in the morning and last thing at night before bedtime. All the pet peeves and bad habits would be portrayed full blown.

Painter coming in on 6th March. Moving of his things on 7th March and mine on 8th March. Furnitures and electrical appliances delivery on 9th March. Seems like a busy few weeks until ROM day to 'prepare' the house and ourselves for the big day on 28th April.

All seems to be running smoothly but I am not as optimistic as I want to be, as I know that God always have some hurdle for me. He never allows me to have an easy life with our bliss for too long. I am used to being struck with hiccups and obstacles to getting to my destination of happiness. Bad things always happen when I am in the midst of happiness. That process has been part of my life since 2007. Obstacles and worries more than bliss and happiness...

I know my current guy will be a much better guy/partner/fiance/husband than my ex-husband. I am confident that my life would be better and happier as compared to when I was married to my ex-husband. I may not have surplus financially and didn't marry into a rich family but I know that I would be more stable in the non-tangible aspects of my life. However, I would be treated better emotionally, psychologically and physically. I would be able to be my natural self around him and with transparency in our thoughts. No more threading on thin ice. No more fears of saying the wrong words leading to endless arguments.  No more fears of being much less than top priority. No more nonsensical emotional roller coaster ride. No more mental trusting issues. No more hidden secrets to hinder a marriage from progressing into the future between the two of us.

I will be happy. I will be a better wife. I will lead a more fulfilled life. Small home but full of love and warmth from him. Simple living but genuinely blissful.

Since 09.09.2012, we have fought numerous battles in life only be to be stronger as a couple... Hopefully once this new chapter begins for me, I would be able to leave behind my hatred and lack of forgiveness towards my ex-husband. I may not forget my past but I hope to be able to fully forgive myself and him for allowing it to happen...

As I move on to a brand new life ahead, I would still need God's grace to get through till death do us apart. Although different religions between my fiance and me but all the same respect for each other's God. May all prayers be answered and sufficient to last us this lifetime...

Happy Goat Year 2015

2015 Horoscope for the Pig

Yearly Horoscope Forecast: Good
Lucky Colors in 2015: grey white, golden, black
Lucky Numbers in 2015: 3, 6, 8
Best months of 2015: July, September, October, November, and December

According to Chinese astrology, the animal sign Pig and Sheep are highly compatible. 2015 is the year of the sheep, so it will have a positive influence on the people born in the year of the Pig. It predicts that the Pig will be full of optimism and confidence with the help of others. No matter in business, investment or daily work, you Pigs can always get great help from your social contacts. Earnings tend to be considerable for you. You are easy to get windfall this year. For businessmen, there will be a sudden increase in business bringing you much unexpected income. For office workers who usually have a steady income, you may have many chances to make some extra money. 'A man of honor makes money by a lawful way'. Remember to make your money in a proper way. What's more, there will be dispute for you with the opposite sex. So, try to be calm instead of quarreling which will be helpful to resolve contradictions.

Wealth: The fortune in terms of wealth for the people under the Pig sign is positive in 2015. During the first half year, you may be pleasantly surprised to get a windfall. No matter the fortune is large or small, it is a great encourage to you. There will be no surprise for you during the second half year. Just adjustment your strategy and prepare for the next round.

Career: In terms of career for the Pig people in 2015, it will go smoothly and you can make great progress. The Pigs may be promoted during the later year which will make you perfect yourself in every facet of your job with more power. As you know, a moment of carelessness may store up huge problems for the future. You should pay great attention to details in work especially when dealing with contracts in case of causing any lawsuit.

Relationships: When comes to love relationships, female Pigs will have many admirers in 2015. So, you should make a good decision whether to accept him or not. For single men, you will have many competitors. But don't worry; the year favors you so much that you will stand a bigger chance to win.

Health: Physical condition is predicted to be good enough in 2015. The only threat to your health will be more related to influenza. So you are suggested to avoid staying in crowds when seasons alternate.

Few Days of 'Hectic-ness'

12 Feb:
1) Mum's birthday but ended up none of her sisters organized anything for her (usually they would organize a dinner celebration for her), ended up I had to organize one for her last minute and my dad didn't turn up as he felt that he had other important things to attend to. Ended up, mum got really mad at him.
2) Mum finally invited Desmond up to the house for the cutting of her birthday cake. That is a blessing as it means she has finally and slowly accepted Desmond as a family. Thank God!
3) My bestie's boyfriend/fiance of 4 years broke up with her via 'LINE' text. Some would say it is an expected ending for this couple as they were constantly quarreling and unhappy with each other's character over the years. Their argument can get pretty nasty and violent, at times ending up with both of them getting bruises all over. However, at this point, my bestie fell into depression, (Who won't?)
5) Ended up losing sleep worrying about my bestie and feeling her hurt. She was there when I went through my separation and divorce, understanding my predicament as she is a divorcee too. So her break up is akin to divorce. (She was engaged to him, just that they never got to discussions of any concrete ROM plans due multiple factors, such as poor timing and of course, they also slowly fell apart.)

13 Feb:
1) Those who knows me that I totally hate any 'Friday, the 13th'. My previous marriage ended on a 'Friday, the 13th'.
2) Had a busy clinic day with full patient load.
3) Found out that Desmond's insurance policy got cancelled due to some missing information since Oct 2014 and that the insurance agent didn't inform us. I called his insurance agent only to be met with poor service attitude from her telling me that Desmond isn't her only client and don't expect her to fore-go any CNY plans to settle this issue as she is already on CNY break/leave.
4) Received a call from a close guy-friend telling me that his Filipino wife is intending to leave him after getting her USA work permit. She still haven't forgiven him for not announcing their marriage to his mum when they were newly married and when she stayed with him He didn't tell his mum as he didn't want his mum to get a shock out her life. His mum didn't like her and also didn't know her well enough to accept her as a daughter in-law. The both of them got married in Philippines after 1 year of knowing each other. This is his second marriage.
5) Helped bestie to pack her stuff from her ex-boyfriend/fiance's place until nearly 11pm. She was visibly upset and cried a few times while packing and clearing her things. The process of packing things and leaving reminded me of how I did the same years ago as I left my ex-husband's house. That pain of knowing it is all over, that horrible sick feeling, that anger of betrayal, that sense of last pride to maintain composure, that sadness of how things had ended and that seething hatred seeing the man whom you loved face to face,
6) Ended up I lost sleep yet again thinking about my own relationship, fearing history will repeat itself again and empathizing with my bestie yet again. She thought this relationship would last for her and she fought hard to compromise to his selfish requests, tolerating all his ego and prideful behaviour.

14th Feb:
1) Worked for the first half of the day.
2) Dated Desmond for the afternoon and evening to spend 'couple-time' in celebration of Valentine's Day. But my heart and mood was still a bit dampened by thoughts of my bestie and my close guy-friend's cases.
3) After Valentine's dinner, headed back to help bestie do the last packing and shifting of all her things out of the ex-boyfriend/fiance's house. This time, the guy cried and hugged her good-bye, wishing her all the best in her future. (Crap!)
4) My bestie has became my God-Sister. Now I have 3 God-Sisters and all 3 of them are my secondary school mates! I was born an only-child and now I have God-Sisters! Elated.

Up-Coming 15th Feb:
1) Reunion Dinner with Desmond's family
2) Need to baking CNY chocolate chip cookies

Up-Coming 16th Feb:
1) Select and Modify my wedding pictures at the Bridal Studio

PS: I haven't patch things with my dad as I am still mad at him. Now that my mum is mad at him too, good luck to him!

Valentine's Day Post

I have loved with few guys whom I shouldn't have fallen in love with.
I have few scars from failed relationships.
What doesn't break me, makes me stronger.

Love...

Love is a series of choices. The first choice is based on many many factors, including chemistry, principles, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want/need… the list goes on and on, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the individual. Based on these factors, we either choose to begin the process to love or not. If we decide to enter this process, the action of loving can bring “light switch” moments. The way he looks at you. How hard she makes you laugh. The notes he hides in your purse. The way she makes you feel when you don’t feel anything.

But like an airplane flight, there is turbulence. The fights. The disagreements. The little things that bother you. His socks. Her shopping. You start wondering if you’ve made the right choice. Once you are in doubt, you have to make another choice: to continue to fly with this person or jump out of the plane. This choice is based on a thousand other factors, again depending on the individual and where they are in their journey. If you decide to jump, the scary free fall will either make you stronger (grow) or miserable (depressed). But sooner or later, you’ll find yourself back at the airport waiting to board another plane. Then you hit turbulence. Or maybe there is no turbulence. Maybe you’ve changed your mind about the destination. Either way, another choice. Fly or jump?

Love is making a choice every single day, to either love or not love. That’s it. It’s that simple. Either to continue the process or not. We fall in and out of love. Even in relationships, especially in relationships. This doesn’t mean we don’t love the person. It means we are left with a choice. There is a difference between feeling love for someone (caring about a person) and loving someone (choosing to love that person). You may have love for someone forever. But that doesn’t mean you choose to love that person forever. The choice to love is not a feeling; it is an action. That is why it is so difficult. It requires you to do something, and I’m not just talking about buying flowers. It might mean putting your wants aside. Also, like chemistry, the ability to love is not a constant. It is a variable. It fluctuates, depending on where you’re at in your life and what you’re struggling with. Sometimes it is easy to love. Sometimes it is extremely difficult. But at the end of the day, it’s always a choice.

Although love varies, it also deepens. This means the longer you stay on that flight and embark on the journey together, the more fruit the process will bare. Your investment pays off. Your choices become easier. You not only become stronger as a couple, but also as individuals, assuming the love process is healthy – which means you guys are both doing work. The choice to love creates opportunity to hit notes in life that you could never hit alone, and THIS is what makes your choice worth it.

So, how do you know if it’s love? That is not the question to ask. The question is: Do you choose to love this person or not? Right now. Not tomorrow. Today. Make a choice. Yes or no. If the answer is yes, love as hard as you can. Love with everything you’ve got (your capacity right now at this point in your life). If the answer is no, promise me one thing.

Let the fall make you stronger.

10 Weeks To Go

I am constantly reminded by a close guy friend of 'the number of weeks before my ROM' as he would always start our whatsapp or phone conversation with the question, "How many weeks more to ROM?" Then I would take some time to mentally calculate the answer for him and he would start chuckling away. He knows that this bride here isn't excited or even doing any form of mental notes for her wedding.

This close guy, who is also a divorcee, was a guy I met online while holidaying in Melbourne after the start of separation from my ex-husband. When I got back to Singapore and after a few meetings over Starbucks, meals and after work drives, we bonded and got closer. He helped me maintain my strength to survive a divorce. He supported me when I felt drained to carry on. However, we never really dated. We never had that special feel for each other, just that close platonic friendship. He moved on to marry Joan and I went on to date Desmond but we both are very much in contact. He envies my love for Desmond and I envy Joan for having a romantic husband.

Through my divorce, I met few people are divorcees too and I slowly learned to let go of the stigma that my parents has put on divorcees. My mum's sis is a divorcee. My dad's sister is a divorcee too. But the family kinda shamed them to the extend that they dared not to remarry. I remember my parents constantly gossiping behind their backs about my aunts' divorcee status and how they feel that it is disgraceful to get a divorce. Never had they imagined that one day their own daughter would also walk the same path. So when it was their daughter's fate to be divorcee, they put the same pressure and stigma on me, trying their best to advice me from re-marrying. However, I know myself better than to listen to their nonsense of how it is a taboo to re-marry and wear a wedding gown again. Even to this day, my parents are not too happy of my decision to re-marry and to be with my fiancé. They feel that he isn't worthy of me. My dad and I are having a cold war now as I can see that he is trying all means to stop the marriage but yet need to preserve his ego as a parent, even my fiancé is ignoring his need to chat over a dinner as we both know that my dad wants to divulge my 'divorcee' status to his parents, in bid to spoil my marriage plans.

My view of marriage has changed after a failed marriage. To me, a marriage is between two individuals, no need for anyone else to get involved, not even parents. It is good for parental support but that is a privilege not a must. Staying married is an individual choice, not a choice due to what others may say or gossip. Personal happiness is much more important than making people around you happy. Personal happiness in a marriage goes way beyond ego, 'face' or reputation.

In 10 weeks time, I would be entering into another brand new marriage with an open mind. Not that I am hoping for another divorce (touchwood!)but I don't want to harbour any high hopes or say 'never' anymore. Whenever I say the word 'never', it would prove to be 'ever'...

I know that I would be definitely happier in this marriage compared to the previous one. It is going to be a challenge financially for both of us but I know we would be happy. This time I am not marrying for pride, ego, 'face' or fear of gossip. This time I am marrying at my own pace and I feel ready to re-enter into a marriage again.

10 more weeks to go... Anything can happen within this 10 weeks. So let's just sit back and watch the show unfold if there is anymore drama to be aired.

You Complete Me... I Love You

Never marry someone whom you could not live without, instead, marry someone who could not live without you.
Never marry for wealth or status, marry for love and pure devotion.
Never marry just out of convenience or just because everyone expects you to, marry because you know that you will be blessed with him/her in your life.
Marry someone who is happy to have you in his/her life.
Marry someone who feels that you complete his/her world.
Marry someone who loves you more than you love him/her.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Hope I have made the right choice this time round...

Filed. I'm Getting Married Again.

Please don't mistaken this post as an excited announcement... It should be but it isn't.

Lots has happened in this whole 2 months of my current life since Dec 2014 and it is still on-going. The stress of everything has boggled me down and filing for my marriage is just one small stone out of my heavy heart.

I have walked a long way to become where I am today. I have learnt to stop having high expectations of my life and from people around me. I have learnt that my own happiness should outweigh what others thinks or perceives. I have learnt that only I am answerable for my own goals, directions and decisions in life.

I have not sinned as a divorcee, much less was my previous marriage solely my fault, hence, I should leave behind my past and move on forward to a new chapter of happiness. I had done my best to salvage whatever possible to preserve my previous marriage, which perhaps wasn't enough or perhaps, it wasn't even significant enough in the eyes of my previous partner to keep his heart from straying away. I walked away from my previous marriage knowing that I had fulfilled whatever duties as his partner within my own capabilities, tolerance, perseverance and endurance. I have tried my best to fulfill the covenant of a marriage with a guy who didn't see it nor understand it, thus, I am not guilty of anything.

Now I am walking towards a new chapter in my life again, I am reopening my roles and duties as a wife. I would promise to try my best as a wife just like I did in my previous marriage. I would give this upcoming marriage all my heart without much reservations. However, I know I still bear the scars from the previous marriage. I just hope these previous scars wouldn't hinder me from all I need to do as a wife.

May this guy be a better husband for me... I know he would be. I guess that is suffice...

Chaotic January 2015

The past few weeks has been quite upsetting and stressful for me:
1) My new house would not be ready for me to move in as expected on 29 Jan 2015
- current owner's BTO is not ready for him (he won't have keys till 6th Feb)
- hence, current owner would only be able to start his own renovations for his BTO in Feb and would be completed by end March.
- he has asked for to extend his stay in the current house, which is legally mine w.e.f 29 Jan 2015, until 7th March.
- he used the reason of being homeless with his two young kids (1 & 3 yr old), elderly mum of roughly 70 years and a wife, to gain our sympathy.
- he also made his agent pay for his lodging from 7th March until end March as his agent had mis-communicated some vital information during the sales transaction between us, the buyers and him
- he refused to pay any compensation for the extension as my housing agent was also partially at fault for being part of the mis-communication.

2) My dad and I are having cold war due the argument we had in Dec 2014
- he is behaving childishly by not talking to me nor even giving me any form of eye contact
- he is being stubbornly in denial of his mistake for being unreasonable with me, although he had verbally acknowledged it during the argument.
- he rather ruined the parent-child relationship than to give up his friendship with a friend who owes him nearly SGD 50K (out of which, 10K was supposedly funds for my tertiary studies).
- he rather take up bank loans than to give up his money consuming hobbies of Karaoke, learning the Er-Hu and Toastmaster Course
- I am not sure if I should still submit his name as my witness for ROM, although my mum insists that he will still be my witness as agreed before the argument happened.

3) Work life is hectic
- it seems like everyone is dependent on me and now I have to even manage the business of GS, when I have already been transferred out from that clinic since Sept 2014.
- hence, it feels like I am running the administrative works of two clinics (GS & ENT) for the same miserable pay.
- my colleagues are also getting lazier, one addicted to Korean Drama on her iPhone and the other immersed in her own family + financial issues.
- my manager is also becoming more reliant on me to settle any maintenance works for the ENT equipment that are becoming spoiled or less usable.

4) I am doing F.O.C tuition for a Primary 6 kid every Sunday
- kid's parent only found out his sliding grades after his P5 final year examinations and were too poor to afford to have tuition for all his subjects.
- hence, my fiance's mum, had asked me to help for his English PSLE.
- it started off as a trial but now it seems like I have unknowingly committed to a weekly FOC tuition session until his PSLE in Sept 2015 or Oct 2015
- every Sunday from 2-6pm I would be doing this volunteer tuition for nothing in exchange. 
- can't bring myself to broach the subject of payment as I also understand his parents' are not doing well. (His mum is a masseuse and the dad a hawker.)

5) Financially I am saving up for my future furnitures and electrical appliances
- less shopping
- less buying luxury stuff
- less self-rewards
- more stress about money being 'never enough'
- more stress about the renovation loan that I would be taking to furnish and build my/our home
- all my bonus and savings has gone into ROM preparations, so practically I am re-saving up again.



Haiz.., hopefully everything I have sacrificed for and my soft-hearted character would pay off soon. I just want serenity, peace and stability in my life. 

Post Overdue: Meeting My 2 Other God-Sisters

These 2 girls/ladies/babes/women/besties/pals/god-sisters have been a part of my life since I was 14 years old, we did all sorts of crazy things, studied our exams, played, sang songs at the top of our lungs, wrote love letters, screamed and cried together.  They seen me through raging hormones due to puberty, to calmer days due to maturity, to work woes, to parental woes and relationship matters. I have also seen them through those stages and been there for them...

Now 17 years later, we have all grown up, pursued our own career paths, even one of them is staying in Australia, we dont contact one another as often as we should, but when we do come together, the fun begins again:  the mad singing of random songs, the laughters, the catch-up conversations and debates on silly subjects.

Friendships that stays on so long, dating back to teenage years are like the purest and best ones I ever had.

Cheers to our many years of friendship and many more years to come!

2015: Today Is My First Blank Page Of A 365 Day Book

Today is my first blank page of a 365 day book, I hope to write it with good memories, happiness and bliss. So far, 2015 encompasses few important events for me:
- a home (not just a house)
- a marriage (not just a wedding)
- a new family (not just a bunch of in-laws)

Hopefully as a new chapter of my life starts, it would spell the end of endless problems and obstacles that strike me once every few months, I would like to start living my life in simple bliss and stop worrying about bad clouds that affects me mentally and emotionally. I wish to close the doors to those dark side of my past.

Amen,