10 Weeks To Go

I am constantly reminded by a close guy friend of 'the number of weeks before my ROM' as he would always start our whatsapp or phone conversation with the question, "How many weeks more to ROM?" Then I would take some time to mentally calculate the answer for him and he would start chuckling away. He knows that this bride here isn't excited or even doing any form of mental notes for her wedding.

This close guy, who is also a divorcee, was a guy I met online while holidaying in Melbourne after the start of separation from my ex-husband. When I got back to Singapore and after a few meetings over Starbucks, meals and after work drives, we bonded and got closer. He helped me maintain my strength to survive a divorce. He supported me when I felt drained to carry on. However, we never really dated. We never had that special feel for each other, just that close platonic friendship. He moved on to marry Joan and I went on to date Desmond but we both are very much in contact. He envies my love for Desmond and I envy Joan for having a romantic husband.

Through my divorce, I met few people are divorcees too and I slowly learned to let go of the stigma that my parents has put on divorcees. My mum's sis is a divorcee. My dad's sister is a divorcee too. But the family kinda shamed them to the extend that they dared not to remarry. I remember my parents constantly gossiping behind their backs about my aunts' divorcee status and how they feel that it is disgraceful to get a divorce. Never had they imagined that one day their own daughter would also walk the same path. So when it was their daughter's fate to be divorcee, they put the same pressure and stigma on me, trying their best to advice me from re-marrying. However, I know myself better than to listen to their nonsense of how it is a taboo to re-marry and wear a wedding gown again. Even to this day, my parents are not too happy of my decision to re-marry and to be with my fiancé. They feel that he isn't worthy of me. My dad and I are having a cold war now as I can see that he is trying all means to stop the marriage but yet need to preserve his ego as a parent, even my fiancé is ignoring his need to chat over a dinner as we both know that my dad wants to divulge my 'divorcee' status to his parents, in bid to spoil my marriage plans.

My view of marriage has changed after a failed marriage. To me, a marriage is between two individuals, no need for anyone else to get involved, not even parents. It is good for parental support but that is a privilege not a must. Staying married is an individual choice, not a choice due to what others may say or gossip. Personal happiness is much more important than making people around you happy. Personal happiness in a marriage goes way beyond ego, 'face' or reputation.

In 10 weeks time, I would be entering into another brand new marriage with an open mind. Not that I am hoping for another divorce (touchwood!)but I don't want to harbour any high hopes or say 'never' anymore. Whenever I say the word 'never', it would prove to be 'ever'...

I know that I would be definitely happier in this marriage compared to the previous one. It is going to be a challenge financially for both of us but I know we would be happy. This time I am not marrying for pride, ego, 'face' or fear of gossip. This time I am marrying at my own pace and I feel ready to re-enter into a marriage again.

10 more weeks to go... Anything can happen within this 10 weeks. So let's just sit back and watch the show unfold if there is anymore drama to be aired.