1st Step Out Of The Dark

Attended my first family function after so long ever since the split. I was kind of afraid facing relatives about my new status as being a divorcee, was fearful that they would start poking their noses in my affairs or randomly blurt out some sensitive comments which may hurt me. Instead, none of the above happened, everyone left me alone to chat with my closest cousin and no one dared to ask me anything about the failed marriage. I am blessed. From what my cousin told me, everyone was more or less been forewarned by my dad, before the dinner, to shut their gaps and refrained from asking me about Jeff. Actually, everyone could tell I was unhappy in the marriage and was only trying my best to maintain it. Now that I am divorced from him, they could tell that I am happier and more confident without him. I guess certain things does show, eh? Despite my efforts to hide my pain and try hard to conceal the cracks in the marriage, the fault lines must be so big that others can actually spot it.

Frankly, there are days whereby I am happy to be single and enjoying my single-hood status but there are still some days, where I still think about him and wonder what actually happened to make him snap so badly. Maybe he is just being petty and unforgiving for my past. Perhaps, he has found someone else. Or just maybe, he really is that unable to forget the fact that almost chose another guy to him. Whatever the reason is, everything is over... No use to even try to salvage it. Doubt I would like to go back those days of worrying about his sensitive temper as well as trying hard not to step on his land mines.

Through this marriage, I have learnt that actually I can be and am a good wife by nature, but sadly, to the wrong guy, who doesn't know how to treasure me and cherish me...

Currently, I declare that I am still single and open to any male competition but just that in order to win me over, the poor guy has to work extra hard to win my trust and heart.

To Jeff: I have had feedback that you are also doing pretty well without me and I am glad that you are doing good. Keep it up and may you find your aims in life. Good luck in your future endeavors. I will return your books as promised once my results for this semester is out. Don't worry, I would put it in your letter box as I respect your wishes to never wanting to see me again.