Affirmative Right Decision Made

Was reading through my past blog posts since the start of this blog and realized how much pain I had been through as well as how many times I had desperately asked God to bless my marriage. As I read through the posts, I could recall my heart-wrenching experiences as I was typing those blog post, how helpless I felt, how much pain I had to endure just to make the marriage work, how much of disappointments I had undergone after the ROM and lastly, how much I devoted my love + faithfulness to him despite his 'incapability to perform sexually'.

Later today, I would be meeting him to collect the Writ of Divorce, which would end everything I have been through with him: 6 years of courtship + 6 years of marriage.

Mixed feelings though. A sense of liberty and freedom, a tinge of happiness due to ending my 'suffering' trying so hard to maintain this marriage throughout the 6 years, a bit of sadness that it has to end this way and that my prayers weren't answered, heart-ache cause I have wasted 12 years for nothing and lastly, a little disappointed that he didn't even bother to salvage this marriage at all.

With the Writ of Divorce, I am literally a free woman, not officially or in the eyes of the law. But good enough for me to know that the marriage is ending soon and I can officially move on to perhaps. better things in life. I am enjoying my life somehow since I left him. I found my own self back. I found my natural character back, less bitchy, less temperamental, less miserable, less self-restrained and much less immature. I found my natural confidence back to face the world. I learn to love and appreciate myself better too.

At least I know I have walked away from this whole failed marriage trying my best and giving it my ultimate best shot in maintaining it as well as living up to my marriage vows (he didn't obviously). I have also learnt my own tolerance/patience limit.

God just bless my broken road and the tedious road I would go through before dying. LONG LONG WAY to go...