The Greater The Expectation, The Greater The Impact Of Failure/Disappointment

I just had a mini disagreement with my husband 'cause I wished he could respect me more and be more accountable to me for his actions as well as whereabouts. I was upset that he came back past midnight reeking of smokers' cigarette smoke on his clothes and it stunk-up the whole room. I perfectly understand what passive smoking does to one's health and he has an history of
asthma, the last thing I need is a husband having an asthma attack on me or nursing a husband down with lung cancer later on in my life. It is painful enough losing my grandmother to cancer, I don't wish to lose anyone else closed to me to cancer ever. However, he also had own logic that it isn't pleasant to walk away from a friend or colleague when he/she starts smoking. But I rather he lose a friend than his health. So went to bed a hit unhappy and upset with one another. As usual, he doesn't see my point of health over friends and I don't see why he enjoys the company of such inconsiderate friends who wants to turn their friends into passive smokers...

Thus, out of exasperation, I prayed asking God, what He has to say to my argument with my husband and opened an iPhone app that I would always read before sleeping and this is what I got:
"Self-righteousness in marriage is when you wish your spouse would do things the way you want them to do it. We are not the standard when it comes to doing things right. Just because they do things differently doesn't mean it's wrong. Growth in marriage happens when we embrace the differences and learn from each other."

Wow! I hit the jackpot!
I guess, what He is trying to say to me to be more flexible in my opinions to my husband.
Sometimes, I really wonder why do I seem to have more marital issues than my other married friends? Why do I feel so upset being married at times as compared to others? Why do I feel so indignant about my married life? At times, I wonder if I had chosen the other 'him', would I be as upset as I am now?

Somehow, I had learnt some stuff from my mum and walked her similar path: tolerance of a husband, who doesn't seem to appreciate the goodness of having a wife who is willing to care for him, willing to stick with him through thick and thin, willing to love him with all her life, willing to tolerate all his egoistic nonsense and sacrifice so much just for him.

Not that I am saying my husband is a bad or irresponsible man but I do feel at times that he doesn't really bother or respect how I think or feel towards to things and matters. He tend to think that I kick up a fuss for nothing and label me as 'unreasonable' just because he can't understand my views and how upset I can get when he does things that differs from my ideal. Just like my dad, who thinks of my mum as being sensitive and unreasonable at times. But at least my dad knows how to give in to my mum, my husband doesn't, he only knows how to fight it out with me, making me more furious and angry.

Frankly, I have thought of leaving this all behind and walk out of his life. But it is my love and vow to him that keeps me from walking out of this marriage and relationship. Nearly 12years of relationship, how can I just walk away from it without feeling anything strong?
However, to my husband, he always think that am not leaving him because of my fear of being laughed or mocked at for being a divorcee by family member it friends or colleagues. See, difference of ideas again...

We have lost all that romantic and intimate gestures over the years... So much of these are gone that sometimes I also wonder why he is staying on in this marriage? Is it because of love for me or is it due to knowing that I take over the duties of his mum in caring for his laundry, cleanliness of room and being a near submissive wife...

Heart-broken. I feel that I have been taken for granted as his husband. I feel that I am replaceable in his life. I don't feel I am important to him. I think if one day I were to die in an accident, he won't even shed a tear for me. I think of one day I were to be diagnosed with stroke or cancer, he would leave me to fend for myself... I am so on my own...