One Week From That Fateful Day

Life is so different when suddenly my handphone is so quiet for the whole day, no caring sms-es, no phone calls to ask where to meet for dinner and no one to care about how my day at work went.

Guess for the past 8 years, I have been so used to all these simple care and concerns until now when everything is gone, I feel so eliminated, lonely, helpless and uncared for.

For the past week, the daily comfort I get are from my patients whom managed to cheer me up with their positive comments about life, their praises on how good I have been a nurse to them, how they missed my joyful character while they are at home recovering post-chemotherapy and how they have seem to be better after each chemotherapy.

My parents, especially my mother, has been quite concern over the situation of my marriage and has been asking me for daily updates, which has nothing pleasant to talk about.

Life is currently is like heading for a downturn for me. Reading my Christianity books to seek 'refuge' in God's words and helping me to feel less upset...

Praying daily for the best for my marriage and for my life. Praying for a happier time for myself soon. Hate to be in this depressive state but I can't help it when I am suddenly left to wonder what my marriage holds. Few times this week, even while I am wearing my uniform, tears just wells up in my eyes, attempting to flow down my cheeks and I have to consciously pretend to be yawning to wipe them away. Deep down, my heart is wrenching with sadness and remorse but yet I have to pretend that I am ok with this emptiness. Can't afford to let anyone see me in such an upset state. I am such a disgrace to myself...