Alone...

He has finally let me know when my judgement day would be: 4th October 2008. He has not called or sms-ed me today. My handphone is also oddly very quiet. Feel so quiet today, doubt he will ever call me for the next few weeks. Looks like this time I had really hurt his ego and pride real bad with those slaps. Seems like he is ready to condemn me.

Anyway, consulted a superior's son who happens to be a lawyer and he said that if their is no legal issue for a divorce, the couple has to separated for at least 3yrs before divorce is finalized. However, if one party has a legal issue to divorce and has evidence for his/her allegation, the divorce is quite immediate, probably in few months time. He had also told me if my husband is the one who wants to divorce, he should be the one finding the lawyer and paying for all legal fees. I should not be paying a single cent as I am not the one who initiates divorce. Thus, it only needs one lawyer to settle the divorce and I need not find my own lawyer.

It sounds like I am more or less prepared to face a divorce from him, especially after the conversation we had last night which ended quite bitterly. Haiz, what to do? I had physically hit him, which I regret doing and is willing to try to change or at least control my aggressiveness. True, he had also verbally abused me but the most people I had related the story to supported that physical abuse is much worse than verbal abuse.

It seems like I am destined to be a total failure in the aspect of my love life. Perhaps, I am not fated to be married. Maybe, I am fated to be single and lonely for the rest of my life. So sad...

Wish that God could take me away from all this misery soon. It is painful to be like this daily, tearing automatically whenever I think of him and feeling this sense of lost as well as emptiness inside me. Feel so vulnerable right now...