Yes or No?

Received a phone call from my Nurse Manager (NM) today...
NM: Amelia, do you want to apply for the Advance Diploma this year? Are you interested?
Me: Yeah.
NM: Ok, I will submit your name for application.
Me: Ok, Thanks!

After hanging up the phone, I had mixed feelings...
- wasn't she supposed to be applying for me earlier this year as during the appraisal in April, she did verbalized that she was considering me an applicant for it?
- wasn't I next in line for this Advance Diploma since it was mentioned since 2008, way before I had shifted from GCC to WDTC? I mean all my superiors has been asking me this same question since the start of the year and my answer has never been a 'No'.
- if I go for this Advance Diploma, I would be bonded to KK for another 2years and it is said the likelihood of me returning back to the office hour job is slim, as well as I would be posted to a very busy ward with poor management.
- if I go for this Advance Diploma, I may have to clear my leave by Oct and should I go Melbourne and visit my friends as well as my 'sister' there? What would the weather be like?
- if I don't go for my Advance Diploma, my career would be stagnant and no progression. That is not what I want. Although, I wouldn't want to be a Nurse Manager, I won't mind being a Nurse Clinician specializing in Oncology.
- if I go for my Advance Diploma, would my marriage life and family life be affected?


Sigh... this Advance Diploma has been mentioned so many times to me over the past few months, yet, I see no realistic actions taken yet. Been told that my name would be submitted few times over the year and only today I hear it would be finally submitted. Anyway, my name submitted, doesn't mean I would be choosen also, it all depends on my Director of Nursing, Assistant Director of Nursing and my Advance Practice Nurse in charge.

Praying that God does show His way for me, be it I get the application or I don't...

Me, A Cupid

Recently, been trying to match my Primary School best friend with my wedding photographer. So far, they have already been sms-ing each other and even dated once last Sunday. Cool...

I really hope the make it into a relationship. I guess age shouldn't be a factor in stopping true love, as long as the guy is mature enough to handle a relationship like a proper man and shows proper responsibilities to maintain the relationship. It would total futile to have a guy much older than you but yet handles relationship matters like an adolescent.

Anyway, had an arguement with my husband on Saturday and I totally hate it when we argue, 'cause all the nasty words would come out from him to piss me off furthur. Sometimes the words can be also very hurting. However, when time is given to cool off, he always manages to apologize with words or actions to melt my heart. Guess different people react differently when they are angry, only to regret it later. Talk of EQ maturity, eh?

Don't seem to get it why I am always so soft hearted towards him. This kind of situation happened in the past with any of my ex-boyfriends, I would have already insulted him, left, right and centre asking they to go fly kite. Perhaps, being fully committed and now progressed on in marriage life has made me force myself to be more tolerant of him. Wonder, when would my patience with him run out one day... Of course, I am hoping that day doesn't come but still, just thinking of how sometimes we have communication break downs and how he treats me when he is angry just annoys me. Tried reasoning it with him few times to make him see how I feel when hurtful words are hurled at me, yes, he apologizes, however, the same thing happens when he is annoyed again.

Love sometimes does hurt, doesn't it?

Analogy

Recently been chatting with few friends on Facebook + MSN and slowly I came up with my own analogy of views regarding on my own personal love and marriage life:

1) Love me for who I am and not whom you want me to be. Love me, accept me for my past, present and future.

2) I am the pork ribs and my husband is the ikan bilis; thus we must be brewed together as a delicious soup for God's tasting one day... decades later...

3) For 9yrs, we have climbed mountain the hand in hand... now it is time to balance on the mountain top without fall down the cliff, 40-50yrs later we will learn to walk down the mountain into the valley of death, hands in hands once again...

Guess, I would come out with more of my own weird analogies to describe my love journey, until marriage, until our own death beds, growing old together (hopefully)... In the meanwhile, I am still hoping for some miracles...

Mundane Life

Family ife has been good for me so far, except that Grandma had a fall last Sunday and ended up in SGH with a hip bone crack, which needs at least another 2 week to heal. So in the meanwhile, it is rehab with physiotherapy at St. Luke;s until we can get her a maid.

Marriage life has been kind to me too... Hope it stays this way, but I won't mind an improvement if possible. However, if it remains this way, I am also satisfied.

Work life has so far been ok too. Nice colleagues and supervisor. Not to forget a not so nice, chilish reception clerk who never fails to irritate me daily with her childish antics.

On the whole, God has been nice to me so far...

Where Have All The Truly Nice Guys Gone???

My heartfelt cries goes out to Vanessa... She must be upset deep down in her heart with regards to what happened recrently or should I say final episode of yesterday. Heartbreaking.

He didn't seem to be that sort of guy when I met him before twice. Neither did anyone of them showed signs of relationship distress. Vanessa never did once talk about these problems before and suddenly she tells me all the flaws of him. They were like this ideal love birds, twittering in love, embracing each other and getting touchy over each other. I was envious of her. But what hidden was an ungentlemenly, MCP attitude and a girlfriend too matured for him.

If he wasn't ready to commit, why bother to even court my dearest friend?
If he wasn't ready for a mature relationship, why does he even want to go for older women?
If he was looking for a 2nd mother to lay down on, I would rather him go fly kite!

Anyways, guess looks can be decieving, actions can also be rather decieving... Happy couples on outside not necessarily mean both parties are truly happy on the inside. My once envy for her has now turned to heart felt sadness for her. I know she is the stronger among us 'sisters' but she too is a woman- a woman who had been just disappointed and betrayed in love.

May my both 'sisters' find themselves the right guy and a guy man enough to love them, treasure them, cherish them and commit to them whole-heartedly to make me envy them once again.

Although, my marriage life is not difference from my pre-marital life, I am satisfied and content. May God bless my 'sisters' and I to find happiness in love one day.

喜欢两个人

没必要回想刚刚下大雨的黄昏
此刻夜空只有美丽的星辰
走过了甜酸各一半的旅程
我单薄的心才能变得丰盛
心会累爱会冷
这是感情必经的过程
只是有人就放弃
也有人愿意再等
等一个发现等一个感动让爱再沸腾
就算很在乎自尊
我们依赖彼此不得不承认
放弃自由喜欢两个人
绑住的两个人
互不相让还是相爱分享一生
不爱热闹喜欢两个人
就我们两个人
在腐不安世界里找到安稳

有时候关心就是交换一个眼神
抚慰就是暖暖紧紧的拥吻
疼爱是不讲理也让我几分
体贴是偶而准你不像情人
心会累爱会冷
这是感情必经的过程
只是有人就放弃
也有人愿意再等
等一个发现等一个感动让爱再沸腾
就算很在乎自尊
我们依赖彼此不得不承认
放弃自由喜欢两个人
绑住的两个人
互不相让还是相爱分享一生
不爱热闹喜欢两个人
就我们两个人
在腐不安世界里找到安稳

在不安世界里找到安稳

My First & Last Louis Vuitton Bag