Fool In Love

爱一个人 需要缘份
你何苦让自己 越陷越深
别傻得用你的天真
去碰触不安的灵魂
每一天只能痴痴的等

爱一个人 别太认真
你受伤的眼神 令人心疼
没有一个人 非要另一个人
才能过一生
你又何苦逼自己 面对伤痕

我知道你很难过
感情的付出 不是真心就会有结果
别问怎么做 爱才能长久
这道理有一天你会懂
我知道你很难过
昨天是恋人 今天说分手就分手
别问你的痛 要怎么解脱
多情的人注定 伤得比较久

爱若变成了刺 思念也成了痴
也许心碎是爱情最美的样子

Chanced upon this song and found the lyrics meaningful, especially after a failed marriage and mistake made trusting + loving + choosing the wrong guy.
The lyrics of this song made me see what I fool I was hanging on and tolerating whatever changes and crap that he had put me through, just hoping the marriage would succeed. It was all one-sided: I am the only one working hard to hold onto a marriage that was doomed once the 'honeymoon' period was over since February 2007.
Like what others have told me, I bet that he is enjoying his life now, without me and here I am reminiscing the past but I guess like the song mentions, '多情的人注定 伤得比较久'. So whoever said that he loved me more than I loved him is total bullshit!
I just hope my second marriage (should that ever happens) wouldn't end up like my previous marriage.
I just hope that I have learnt to walk away should ever any cracks appear or tackle any cracks before deteriorations to the relationship happens.
I just hope that the guy I decide to marry next time would be mature enough to deal with problems that arises instead of 'running away' or sweeping the problem under the carpet.

Granny Still Around Spiritually

Last evening was the time for the distribution of my late granny's jewelleries via drawing lots at my aunt's house. As I was working, my parents drew the lot on nlmy behalf.
I got a jade ring and a pendant.
What amazed me when my mum showed me the pendent was that the pendant had the words Taurus and the figure of a bull engraved on it!
Firstly, my granny was a September baby and thus, her zodiac sign shouldn't be Taurus. So, how is it that she has a Taurus pendant?
Secondly, even if she got the pendant as a gift, who would have given her a pendant which isn't her zodiac sign.
Thirdly, at her generation, how does she know about the english zodiac. People who are her generation won't have a clue about the english zodiac.
Lastly, coincidentally I drew the lot which in turn 'represents' this pendent and just nice, I am a Taurus.
According to my parents, most of my relatives also managed to draw the lots linked to the jewellery item which they were hoping for.  Coincidence or blessing? Coincidence or a miracle? Coincidence or luck? I would rather believe that my granny was around in spirit to ensure that everyone got what they wished for. I would like to think that each item was pre-arranged by her in form of coincidences.
I firmly believe that my granny was around in spirit during the drawing of lots to allocate the jewellery pieces according to individual's wishes and preferences.
Although, I didn't receive the white gold ring with diamonds that I have been hoping for, the Taurus pendent is good enough to prove to me that this jewellery piece is meant for me as I am the only one born a Taurus in the family.
Ah Ma, thank you for your choice and thank you for in your way 'telling' me that you are still around, blessing and ever so doting on me even after your demised. Although I can't figure out how you gotten this pendent or why you have this pendent when you aren't a Taurus, but I am glad it is mine now... Please continue to protect me from harm, blessing me with happiness and peace. Still missing you from time to time...

Lessons Learnt

 Few things I have learnt after this failed 6 years of undying commitment and trust towards to the wrong guy.
I don't regret what I have done and endured as his wife... I only regretted holding on for so long. But at least, I could walk away with my head held high.
My life is now peaceful and I need not live my life fearing anyone minding my past or being hindered by unforgiveness.

Recollection of Memories

By accident, I found an old thumbdrive that contained some music that I used to listen to from years back. As I listened to them, I realized that those songs had something in common: they were my wishful thinking and prayers.

Wishful thinking that one day Jeff would realized how his change in character and behavior had affected me psychologically as well as emotionally, apologize to me and we could continue a loving marriage like nothing had changed.
Prayers for a genuine marriage and a guy/husband who would be able to love me for who I am naturally without forcing me to change to accommodate his change in mentality and behavior.

Sadly, none of my wishes or prayers did come true...

Some of these songs were also a reflection of my emotions on how upset I was with my relationship and marriage to him. They reflected my questionings on why the changes had taken place and how helpless I was with the changes that destroyed the guy I married.

Now, I listen to those songs with a different mindset. A brand new mindset... A mindset that tells me that no use forcing love and no use changing myself to accommodate a partner who doesn't show his love to me or appreciate me for who I really am.

I kinda glad that this divorce taught me a lesson and allowed me to find someone who suits me, a brand new me, who views life differently, who is more freedom-loving.

The current Amelia is one that Jeff will not be able to identify with. This Amelia is one that Jeff might regret divorcing. :P

Into JB Again

Last minute today, bf's mum, bf and me decided to go into J.B for some shopping. Thankfully bf and I had brought along our passport with us as we intended to book tour for May holiday,
Shopped at Tesco, which was a mega big mall to shop!  We had a great time shpopping around and bought lots of stuff, including a pair of couple t-shirt-shirts that we chanced upon. Spent about 200 RM for the afternoon.
As we were on our way back to Singapore, we got stuck in a massive jam. It got me thinking about Jeff: how I used to dislike him travelling to JB or overseas with his friends and how I used to give him thousand and one reasons not to go. Now I am enjoying myself travelling out of Singapore nearly every 2-3 months.
This thought has made me realized that I had never hated going overseas but it is the thought of Jeff choosing to go overseas with his guy friends instead of me that made me unhappy or should I say enviously jealous. I  also realized the reason for my unhappiness stemmed from my lack of trust in him, afteral, our relationship deteriorated quite badly over the last few years, especially after our marriage.  He did nothing significant to regain or rebuild that trust.
Anyway, it is all over and I have found a travelling buddy, who doesnt mind going overseas with me every few months once. What matters most is that we are enjoying each others' company even in Singapore. Travelling together just strengthens our bond.
Tomorrow evening, we will be booking our holiday to Bail in May for my birthday. So in another two months, I would be travelling yet again.
Life is definitely good without Jeff or should I say, life is definitely great with a man that tries to build and maintain a stable relatioship.   :)

No Longer An iTunes Store Person

Wef 24/02/2013, I am no longer under the mercy of iTunes, paying my ass off for apps and music. I am now officially an Android store 'fan'.

Traded in my iPhone and bought a new phone after being persuaded by my dad to get a new phone similar to his and my mum's new phone also. Thus, I paid for my mum's new phone (her promised birthday present from me) and of course, for my own phone. I am nearly $500 bucks poorer and I have to eat 'grass' this month. Hence, all 3 of us: Dad, Mum and Me now have similar phone model, but of different colours.

Would be sourcing for my holiday destination in May and booking my tour package/F&E package tomorrow...

I am so gonna need to scrimp in March to survive until next pay day, which falls on the last week of March... God bless me. No cabs. No dining-in restaurants. No extravagrant spending.

Shopping @ Ikea

Was doing my bi-monthly shopping at Ikea and found this while shopping.
Didn't know if I should be laughing when I see a chair named after him or if I should be 'affected' in a negative way seeing his name pop out randomly. (After the divorce, seeing this name just disgusts me to the max...)
However, I came out this analogy and told my boyfriend, who was also shopping with me: if I bought the chair and sat on it, it would be akin to sitting on my ex-husband and I won't mind peeing, farting or shitting on it. I could also imagine that I am sitting on him and he is smelling my butt or even kissing my a$$.

End the shopping trip without buying the chair though. The thought of sitting on this chair would just 'dirty' my buttocks further. I rather be infested with e.coli than to be sitting on a chair named after him.