By accident, I found an old thumbdrive that contained some music that I used to listen to from years back. As I listened to them, I realized that those songs had something in common: they were my wishful thinking and prayers.
Wishful thinking that one day Jeff would realized how his change in character and behavior had affected me psychologically as well as emotionally, apologize to me and we could continue a loving marriage like nothing had changed.
Prayers for a genuine marriage and a guy/husband who would be able to love me for who I am naturally without forcing me to change to accommodate his change in mentality and behavior.
Sadly, none of my wishes or prayers did come true...
Some of these songs were also a reflection of my emotions on how upset I was with my relationship and marriage to him. They reflected my questionings on why the changes had taken place and how helpless I was with the changes that destroyed the guy I married.
Now, I listen to those songs with a different mindset. A brand new mindset... A mindset that tells me that no use forcing love and no use changing myself to accommodate a partner who doesn't show his love to me or appreciate me for who I really am.
I kinda glad that this divorce taught me a lesson and allowed me to find someone who suits me, a brand new me, who views life differently, who is more freedom-loving.
The current Amelia is one that Jeff will not be able to identify with. This Amelia is one that Jeff might regret divorcing. :P
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