Just came back home after a 2 days hospitalization stay. As mentioned, 2019 hasn't been a good year for me. Dealing with lots of ups and downs for the past few months.
This time round of hospitalization and having my husband beside me majority of the time. He just good like that, simple man yet willing to sacrifice his business making and time just to be make sure I am fine post-operatively. For the next few days to weeks, I will be depending him to do daily wound dressings for me.
This hospitalization reminded me of my cyst surgery done more than a decade ago, I was cared for by a different guy. A guy whom I thought was going to be a good and devoted husband. A guy whom I decided to be with and thought we would grow old together, caring for one another until our death-bed. Another way, that aside. The main gist of this post is on the emotional self-reflection of comparison after being cared by two different man, at a different age gap. The feeling I had were comparatively different in such ways:
1) With my ex, I had that feeling of being touched by his care and sacrifices to shuttle between his army barrack to hospital on a daily basis. Staying overnight with me. With my current husband, I had that neutral feeling that it was an expected outcome that he should be there with me throughout the whole hospitalization, leaving me only to get his meals or to return back home to feed my cat.
2) With my ex, I had this warm and fuzzy feeling of love that he used his sacrificial actions to prove his doting nature. With my current husband, I feel this gratitude that he was always there, never leaving my side unnecessarily. I felt his support and tender nature that make me feel a form of affirmation that I didn't marry a wrong guy.
3) Although this time round my visitors were less, I still felt the concerned shown by my mother in-law. Her companionship in the hours after my surgery together with my husband was impeccably nice of her. She didn't have to spend her whole afternoon with me, she could have chose to go play mahjong with her own siblings or even stay home to read her online books, yet she chose to remain in the room with us and spend her time to ensure I was well supported.
4) Although I did feel miserable every night when the post-operative pain were the worse, my husband only slept when I slept. His sacrifice of sleep is something my ex couldn't do. In the eyes of my ex, sleep was his priority, I was never more important than his sleep hours. This for a fact is yet again, another reason for the feeling of self-reassurance that I didn't marry the wrong man.
5) As my ex was medically trained, he wasn't very on the ball learning how to take care of me post-operatively. My current husband took all trouble to learn how to do wound cleaning and dressing, which he knows is crucial for the my recovery. Even my surgeon praised him for his TLC (tender loving care) in performing the wound care procedure.
In conclusion, I do have some faith that I didn't marry the wrong man again... Hopefully this time, it wouldn't prove me otherwise again.
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