About Me

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Just the blunt and honest me. Just someone who needs to air her inner most feelings and thoughts. Just a female who suffers from a crazy life journey, with lots of ups and down in her life. Just another moronic human being who wishes for peace and serenity in life one day.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Premarital reflections

Read my post dated 8th May 2009, I realized that my views I had before stepping into my first marriage was very different from how I feel now, before stepping into my second marriage.

In 2009, I walked into the first marriage fearful that it wouldn't last due to all the emotional insecurities that my ex-husband had inflicted on me.
In 2015, I am walking into the second marriage fearful of history repeating itself. Not that I don't trust my fiance, it is more likely that I am cautious after a failed marriage.

In 2009, I walked into the first marriage with doubts that the marriage would last due to the change of my ex-husband's character shortly after ROM.
In 2015, I am walking into the second marriage knowing that my heart is safely guarded and the character of my fiance is more or less stable as well as reliable.

In 2009, I went through the wedding despite knowing that I wouldn't be happy due to pride and fear of ruining my parents' reputation of having a runaway bride as their daughter.
In 2015, I am going to marry a guy whom I know loves me much more than I do love him. I am marrying a guy who knows how to treasure me and be a good husband to me.

I am ending my post with the same sentence as I did in 2009... Who says that you will marry your dream guy? I didn't....

Monday, April 20, 2015

8 Days More To The Start of A New Journey

28th April, the beginning of another chapter of my life. It is funny that I am not the least excited about that day. Instead, I have been having interrupted sleep nightly worrying about history repeating itself. I have also been waking up in the middle of the night due to nightmares.

8 Days to go before I step into married life again. This time round, I am marrying a guy who loves me more than I do, a guy who understands my past, a guy who doesn't mind my bad tempered days, a guy who doesn't bother whether I am with or without makeup or whether my hair is styled or not, a guy who tries hard to be the good husband to the best of his knowledge and lastly, a guy who is willing to devote his life to loving me faithfully.

Do I feel blessed? Frankly, I do feel blessed that God had brought our paths together and allowed us to meet one another. It is just a pity that we didn't meet sooner and I had to go through much crap before meeting him, otherwise I would have been more fair towards him in the sense of loving him as much as he loves me.

Just hope this time, this marriage will work out until death do us apart...

Monday, April 13, 2015

3 Years On

3 Years has passed since I walked away from a failed marriage ..
1 day to my fiance's birthday...
2 weeks to my re-marriage...
4 weeks to my birthday...

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Haunting Nightmare

Reminder of the fear of stepping into re-marriage that lives in me.
Reminder of how my past failure still is etched in my memory.
Reminder of how the past abusive experiences I have had has never healed the wounds left in my heart.
Reminder to be viligant to monitor my future happiness post marriage.
Reminder that men might have a tendency to change their attitude and behaviour post marriage.

Woke up in tears last night only to be consoled by my fiance.
Woke up in fear of being physically, emotionally and mentally abusend again.
Woke up trembling, bad shaken by my nightmare.

Looks like I still do bear the scars from my past. I am forever scarred... All thanks to Mr Jeff Ng.

Monday, April 6, 2015

One Month After Living As One

Today marks one month since my fiance and I have lived together under one roof. I wouldn't say it was as pleasant as I would have expected it yet it wasn't as scary as I would have imagined it to be. Much pet peeves and bad habits were discovered as well as funny bed habits were revealed.

One particular habit which I have been totally pissed off is his lack of habit to put down the toilet seat after his peeing business. I know much debate has been going on with this topic: to put down toilet seat or to leave it raised?

My side of argument is that it has to be put down after a man's peeing business.
Reasons:
1) it is more hygienic for the female to use the toilet.
2) any urine stains due to poor aiming is kind of hidden, making the toilet more 'presentable' in case of last minute guest.
3) a man poops sitting down so what's the big deal of needing to stand and pee? Pee sitting too, so that there no need to worry about lifting and putting the seat back down.
4) it also prevents wear and tear of the toilet seat hinge from the repeated lifting up and down of it.
5) it is a form of respect to the female gender, especially when she is the one washing the toilet.

Obviously my fiance is having great difficulties remembering to put down the toilet seat after his peeing, subjecting to me frequent getting upset with him and trying my best to remind him to do the necessary putting of toilet seat down after his peeing. I guess it was a habit that his parents didn't train him from young as there were more males than females in his family and it was worst when his sister moved out after her marriage. Hence, training him now is kind of hard. Sheesh!

That aside, the nightly sleeping habits have been our daily subject of jokes. We always end up laughing about how the blanket was snatched, who took more space of the bed, who snored so loud and who mumbles in his/her sleep during the night.

I also enjoy marketing, shopping for groceries, planning meals and cooking our meals. It is something thatI have liked since being a F&N student. In fact, kitchen is fully equipped for my cooking usage. I have everything I need to whip up a meal and to bake stuff.

In summary, I am happy and blissful living with him. At the same time,I am not too bothered about toothpaste squeezing habits and how the toilet roll should be placed in the holder for usage. Not so particular about those smaller daily living habits. But, I just want to correct his toilet seat habits. Much patience is needed...