2012: Not a Kind Year So Far

Was having a chat with a friend and reflected back on how this year has treated me so far... Yes, as I reflect on how the 9 months has just flown by, I am also reminded of my more downs than ups of 2012.

First, I started in January my degree course barely healing from the bereavement of losing my beloved granny in Dec 2011.
Followed by my huge argument with my ex-husband leading to the divorce in April and it was my exam period. Thankfully, I scraped through my exams without letting it affect my studies much.
Went to Melbourne in May to heal myself and my raw emotions of the divorce.
From May until now, I am still bearing the pains of the divorce as it has not been finalised and won't be until mid Nov. Moreover, from May until now,
I am although enjoying my single-hood, I still can't comprehend or even begin to understand how someone can be so heartless to just let go of a 12years relationship without a hint of sadness or feeling. I am also unable to trust myself to anyone although I long to find that special guy again and restart my love life. However, I am held back by the fact that if a guy whom I trusted and love so much of 12 years can do just throw in the towel to end everything, how can ever trust the next guy won't do the same? I wouldn't want to go through the same crap all over again...
12 years of everything now back to being total strangers. But thank God that it has been civil so far (I use the word 'so far', as the divorce is not fully over yet and he can still do anything to irritate , hurt or anger me further).
Now it is September, another 3 months more to end of 2012 and I just pray that God would have mercy at me and don't throw me anymore hurts or obstacles. I already have my hands full with mixed emotions, dilemmas and unanswered question marks in my own head...