Leap Year 2012

The dominant belief about leap year is that it is the only time that a woman many propose marriage to a man, rather than what was considered to be the natural order of things: the other way round. This was often called ‘The Ladies' Privilege’.

Thus, I wonder which of my single female friends would propose to their boyfriends... Or which female friend of mine would daringly ask a guy to be her boyfriend...

Maybe I should propose to my 'Woofur' and ask him to be my husband for life, even after death to be cremate or buried with me together in my coffin...

Half drunk, Half sober

Downed 2 glasses of red wine with 20mls of Benadryl tonight. Awaiting for the sedative effect to take place while
I type this blog post...
Entering Day 4 of cold war after arguing with that stupid husband of mine. Nothing that serious but none of us want to budge and lose our pride and ego...
Issue of argument: his poor communication skills lead to him speaking out a wrong sentence and now he misunderstood my anger due to his actions rather than his poor communication skills. I guess he misunderstands that I am jealous of his mum coz he choose to bring her to the doctor's instead of settling my meal for me before my night shift.
Whatever!
During these few days of cold war, I could tell that he is trying to force me to be the one to speak to him by doing things to irritate or infuriate me. But, too bad for him that since he has a golden mouth and can't be the one to break the cold war between us, I also can choose to have a diamond mouth too.
It is time he learns something he had lost since we got married: humility.
Let's see how long this cold war would last and how bad things can escalated due to this fight over miscommunication.

Jumbled Up Thoughts

These few weeks, there has been lots of work-related thoughts on my mind. Some being random and some stemming from my prolonged unhappiness being taken out of my comfort zone 2 years ago.

I am also unsure how to put it across to my supervisor all my jumbled up thoughts in a coherent way so that she could understand all my frustrations, unhappiness and yet voice out my utmost admiration I have for her tolerance and kindness towards me.

In fact, I have been avoiding work since she came back from her 3 weeks long leave from China and Taiwan. My absenteeism rate is high. I have only gone to work 3-4 days in 2 weeks... I know that it is unacceptable but during those 3-4 days, I literally display signs of dreading to go to work badly.

I know I need to speak to my supervisor soon. If this goes on, it would be unhealthy for my mental status too as well as health.

But first, I need to sort out on how to phrase and speak out those jumbled up thoughts in my mind so that she wouldn't think I am starting to lose myself and my mind, because even I can't really sort out how to speak those thoughts in a organized manner at this moment.

Maybe, just maybe, I am really suffering from some form of mental illness... :X

Taurus Traits

金牛座很樂觀 內心超級柔軟
金牛座講義氣，但有時候就是有那種玩世不恭，讓人覺得討厭
金牛座樂於融入群體，當開心果，沒有什麼不平等的想法
金牛座就是討厭小動作，為此打抱不平就衝動，衝動就自毀形象 金牛座大氣，幼稚，但是霸道我不承認!
金牛總是喜歡故意讓別人生氣，令人抓狂…
這不是心理變態，而是他們覺得會生氣說明這是在乎他們！
有點傻的可愛的思維方式，他們最怕的不是你們生氣 而是你的冷落，你的不在乎…
很少有人能壓得住金牛座。因為金牛座的人內心非常叛逆。
能壓住他的，都是願意被其馴服的那個。
這個人有的某個特質一定是你所缺少的，而且是渴望得到的。
所以才會膜拜他，才會甘心被他馴服。
但是金牛座的人真的好少會打從心底膜拜一個人 因為他們覺得自己才是最棒的，有沒有？

【金牛座有哪些嗜好 】
1.常暗戀
2.不自信 討厭跟人打交道
3.小悶騷，沒事喜歡胡思亂想
4.失眠或者嗜睡
5.笑起來是個孩子 冷起來是個謎
6.喜歡真誠的人
7.熱心 易被感動
8.愛講道理
9.整理癖
10.常獨處
11.常年宅在家

What It Means 2 Be Blissfully Married

Q1) Define what is bliss?
Q2) How do you measure bliss?
Q3) It is an objective or subjective measurement?
Q4) What produce bliss?

I don't know what people think of my marriage. Some people feels I am blissful and there are those who feels
I am not blissful.
I admit my marriage isn't like perfect or neither is like a fairy tale. I also do have my unhappiness about it and I also feel that I am blessed in certain aspects.
Some feel that having a kid would complete my marriage but I beg to differ. I feel that having a kid gives the couple one more thing/matter to argue about.
Those who knows my prayer for the most ultimate miracle in my marriage also have advised me to leave this marriage and move on to someone who is better as well as able to provide me a 'complete' marriage. However, I feel that although 'it' lacks from my marriage but I am still satisfied in the other aspects of how he shows his love for me.
We have been together nearly 12 years now. I can't expect all the level of romance and passion to be so high and intense as when we first met and fell love. Moreover, most Asian men are known to be much less romantic and expressive after married. So
I don't expect much from him too. After all these years of being married and being together with him, I have learnt to be contented that at least he hasn't committed adultery or done anything to outright betray me.
Although he doesn't say much of 'I love you' anymore, I know he still does by his actions and SMS-es asking me for my whereabouts or if i had eaten my meals or if he need to get food for if I haven't eaten.
Although he doesn't hug or kiss me as much as compared to courtship days, I still know that I am important to him when I fall ill or even a minor headache sets him in this 'have you taken medication' mode and he would volunteer to get the medications for me and serve them to me.
Although, he doesn't say 'I miss you' anymore to me, but I know whenever I am on night duty, he would suffer from
a little insomnia during the nights without me by his side in bed.
Although, he doesn't show much bothered of me most of times, I know that I can trust and rely on him in the times of need. My hospitalisation 8 years back and during the recent demised of my granny, I can feel his effort to be there for me. The comparison between the significant events showed no difference in his actions of care and concern.

In conclusion, we have after-all transited from adolescence to young adults to working adults and there bound to be some change in both our character and personalities. Thus, as all as he remains faithful and loving in his non-verbal cues, I am contented and consider myself blissful despite what others all say...

Moving On

Need to leave this shift job in search of proper office hours job...
I am wide awake at night while I ought to be sleep and freaking tired in the mornings until early afternoon while I ought to be the most alert. Even my husband notices my insomnia is getting more and more intense as well as more frequent. First it was trying to sleep at night with a dose of sedative, then it progressed to a higher dose of the sedative, now it has come to the extend that even with the sedative at its maximum dose and I am still very much awake. This is not a good sign. It is hint from my body that I am starting to be resistant to the sedative and building tolerance towards the sedative. Not a good thing.
I need to regain back my normal sleeping patterns and find myself a job that would allow me to lead my life normally like most people would. I miss sleeping without the use of drugs or alcohol. I miss being able to feel what is tiredness and sleepiness naturally. I miss waking up when the sun isn't at it's brightest. I miss wake up together with my husband to have breakfast as a couple.
July, latest by August, I must leave this shift work and live normally again...