Memories...

For the past weeks, my 'sister' from Melbourne has been sobbing over the phone with me on her recent failed first relationship with her first love. Somehow, at every crack in her voice which symbolizes her tears that I can hear her shedding I can empathise with her and how low she must be feeling as she relates how the relationship was ending to ended.

It just brings me back to the days when I was only 14 and experiencing my first attempt at loving this guy, whom I thought I would last as well as become his bride as well as wife on day. The relationship only lasted 1.5 months and the amount pain it had brought me was terrible. The feeling of lost, denial, longing for a chance again, waiting aimlessly, thought of how he had broken his promise of being together forever, how the crooning of 'I Swear' was just a bluff, the playing of saxaphone by Pasir Ris beach was just an empty picture of lies and how the innocent kiss on the cheeks as well as holding of hands walking home was empty promises of love between us.

After the break up with him, I was listening to 'Finally Found Someone', wondering if he would ever come back to me someday if I had waited for him patiently.

In the end, I had waited for nearly 6 years, only to find out that he had fallen in love with another friend of mine who wasn't meant to be his in the end...

However, from 14 yrs old to now, after many failed relationships I have been through for all these years, I think I have finally settle my heart to one man, my husband. It also took me one crucial event for me to realize that I actually had love him so much. It was this one event, which was a mistake that had led to my downfall, this one event also would be a permernant painful history in my marriage that may also be the cause of my divorce (touchwood!), that is if we do divorce one day (hopefully not!).

It is this funny thing about love that we won't know how much we love that special someone until we lose him/her. If you are lucky, you are permitted a second chance to correct the flaw in the relationship, only to be faced with a scar of remembrance of the wrong step you had taken to almost ruin the happiness of the relationship. After the relationship has been salvaged from that one mistake, there is a constant reminder on how you were the cause of an almost failed relationship.

Hence, should a relationship really be salvaged from the brink of it being ruined? How much efforts does it take to really erase that flaw? Or perhaps, it is impossible to amend that flaw? In that case, how worthy is the relationship to be salvaged if the flaws always serves as a constant reminder?

I am stepping into my customary wedding next year, knowing that I love my husband and won't be making the same mistake I did years back. However, if the flaw ever threatens to break up this beautiful marriage, I would not hesitate to walk away. Afterall, I know I already tried my best to make up for it and my energy as well as patience to erase it has all worn off.

Should that day ever day happens, although, I know my heart would be broken if the divorce ever happens but my heart still loves my husband as sign the papers and as I walk away from the marriage.