Decision To Make

Hubby has finally vocalized that he wants to move back home and has given me maximum of 2 weeks to decide if I am moving back to him. I already firmly told me that I would not be moving back to his house unless his mum apologizes or at least shows a bit of remorse for treating me unfairly or something drastic happens that softens my heart to awake my compassionate side. I really do not wish to move back to that environment. It is unhealthy for me and not as conducive as it was when I first moved in.
My husband's reaction to my answer was to give me 2 weeks to consider and give him an answer in 2 weeks time. Looks like he doesn't understand the reason behind my strong decision.

-I don't wish to living in a home which is like a war-zone for me, constantly having to be on a look-out for someone to back-stab me or hurt me in one way or another.
-I don't wish to live my days in fear of someone sabotaging my things or fear of someone making my life a living hell.
-I don't wish to live my days watching my in laws treat me unfairly and being biased towards that PRC.
-I don't want to have myself daily thinking of how to plot back against that PRC woman in fit of anger, only to accumulate bad karma and retribution for myself to suffer in the future.
- I don't wish myself to do something evil or bad in fit of anger, only to regret my actions when I have calmed down.
- I don't want myself to do something that violates my own morals and principles just to get revenge for the things I suffered.
- I don't wish to live my life under the constant of scrutiny for someone to 'attack' me at my weak points.
- I don't wish to feel like an outcast of the household, everyone thinking that I am the devil while she is the angel.
- I am not actress and don't wish to act as if I am ok when I am not.
- My patience is running dry and I don't want to be mentally tortured or stressed with how to cope being 'unaccepted' by my in laws.
- Most importantly, as long as my mum-in law and I don't clear this 'air' or 'knot' in our hearts, we will constantly jumping to conclusion of bad intentions on each other if another mistake is made or if something bad happens.

In 2 weeks, if my husband asks me for my answer, I hope I would be able to fearlessly rationalize my reasons for not returning with him.

I sincerely pray for his understanding and for my wedding or marriage to be not affected by this decision of mine. However, I have a gut feeling, it would be affected.
Firstly, we are so 'used' to seeing each other daily and staying together, thus, once we live separately, our life would be different and that gives us more chance to let this marriage slip past us.
Secondly, we have not really healed from the cracks that almost break us apart months ago. We are still re-building the marriage and if we are staying apart, the process of re-building would slow down and even stop.
Thirdly, my heart is already too tired to withstand anymore hurts or damages. I also know just one more fall or obstacle that prevents us from getting married and I would give up trying to salvage this relationship.
Frankly speaking, I am already on verge of giving up trying to find my true happiness. Other brides can walk down the aisle happily, effortlessly to the man of their lives while this road to marriage is so hard and difficult. Obstacles keeps standing in my way to find my road to eternal bliss and happiness with the man I love. I feel like I am already breathless fighting these obstacles non-stop. They keep appearing one after another, not even giving me time to recover from the previous obstacles. I am really so sick and tired that I want to surrender but my passion for him and my love for him has kept me persevering on. Just one more fall or obstacle and I would ready to throw in the towel.

Wonder how many people out there can understand how I feel...

2 weeks is all I can with his presence near me, I am gonna just bask in this 2 weeks of blissfulness... Haiz...