About Me

My photo
Just the blunt and honest me. Just someone who needs to air her inner most feelings and thoughts. Just a female who suffers from a crazy life journey, with lots of ups and down in her life. Just another moronic human being who wishes for peace and serenity in life one day.

Saturday, April 25, 2020

COVID-19: Thoughts on Life during Circuit Breaker

Circuit breaker period starting 7th April 2020 - 1st June 2020. Following drastic changes in lifestyle, economic and our society:
1) Petrol price is down worldwide except SG 
2) Many offices will remain closed throughout the CB period and will continue to operate fully on a work-from-home basis.
3) All schools abruptly moved online. School holiday start on 5 May.
4) Self-distancing measures on the rise.
5) Tape on the floors at stores to help distance customers (1 metre) from each other.
6) Takeaway only for all F&B
7) Limited number of people inside stores. Non-essential stores and businesses mandated to be closed.
9) Entire sports seasons cancelled.
10) Concerts, tours, festivals, entertainment events - cancelled
11) Weddings, family celebrations, holiday gatherings - cancelled
12) No masses. All places of worship are closed.
13) No gatherings of 50 or more, then 20 or more, 10, and now no gatherings at all. Not even for extended family living apart. 
14) Children's outdoor play parks are closed.
15) Limited masks, gowns, gloves for our front-line workers all around the world.
16) Shortage of ventilators for the critically ill in other countries.
17) Panic buying sets in with shortage of disinfecting supplies, laundry soap, hand sanitiser. People also hoarding and buying toilet paper for whatever reason.
18) Shelves are bare. 
19) Manufacturers, distilleries and other businesses switch their lines to help make visors, masks, hand sanitizer and PPE.
20) Government has safe distancing ambassadors checking and issuing fines. 
21) Airline tickets are cheap but we can't travel.
22) Daily updates by MOH. 
23) Daily updates on new cases, recoveries, and deaths. 
24) Barely anyone on the roads.
25) People wearing masks and gloves outside.
26) Essential service workers are terrified to go to work.
27) Our hardworking healthcare workers are afraid to go home to their families. 
28) For the safely, island wide of MacDonald advised to closed for operations.
29) "Flatten the curve" is a daily saying, along with "We are in this together," and "We heal as one".
30) This is the Novel Coronavirus (Covid-19) Pandemic, declared on March 18, 2020.

Due to the above changes, my husband and I had to miss our birthdays, ROM anniversary, weekday dinner dates, Sunday family day events and couple time is reduced. Financially we are adapting to a lower income due to lack of work-assignments.

However, guess I wouldn't want have this all Circuit Breaker being in my previous marriage, with my ex-husband and his family. Can't imagine that lifestyle of constant worries, emotionally being wrecked by his lack of concern, being stuck in an unhappy marriage and having frequent abusive arguments over the the most trivia issues. Don't to forget have in-laws who can't control their son, allowing him to be an irresponsible husband, mostly always on his side as well as constantly gossiping on the phone about all my negative traits like their son is an angel.
I am predicting even if we had moved out of his parents' home and to our BTO flat, being stuck in the same household with his sucky attitude also wouldn't do me any good and this marriage that was already unstable from the start, would also end. 

So I am indeed thankful I am in this Circuit Breaker with the right man as my husband, supportive in his own ways and we can work together as a team to compromise as well as lower our financial expectations, make adjustments and hopefully, tide over this period.


Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Na Mo Dtassa Pakawadto Arahadto Sammaa Samputtassa

Na Mo Dtassa Pakawadto Arahadto Sammaa Samputtassa

Na Mo Dtassa Pakawadto Arahadto Sammaa Samputtassa 

Na Mo Dtassa Pakawadto Arahadto Sammaa Samputtassa


有求必应,答谢神嗯,Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu...

Sunday, February 16, 2020

37Year Old Amelia To 20Year Old Amelia

Hi Amelia, 
I am your future self. 
Firstly, I would like to send my regards and congrats to you that you have just graduated to be a full-fledged Registered Nurse, your childhood ambition since when you were 6 years old. It was quite a rough 3 years in Nursing course and you have finally gotten your Diploma. Well done to you! Don't ever let that passion of being a good nurse put out your fire. You would meet many nasty Nurse Managers and Higher Management in Nursing that would be your wet blanket. You would suffer from burnt out. You would question your decision to be nurse but ultimately, you would still prevail to be a good nurse one day. You would also realize your value of having the medical knowledge to advice, care and comfort your parents and beloved paternal grandmother in her times of sickness. Your mum would finally see the greatness that you are as a nurse in the family. You would be a blessing to those who appreciate your nursing skills, knowledge and expertise to remain calm in times of medical crisis. You would go on to be an Oncology Nurse with an advance diploma and finally a Bachelor of Science (Nursing). Nursing would be the path you don't regret ever stepping into. 

Secondly, at your tender age of 20, the world is your oyster. However, your heart is still unsettled. You will meet different guys who would flirt with you, court you and present themselves to be the best guy for you. Keep your heart open. The one who are currently with, will one day break your heart. He will break all his promises as well as vows made to you. He would be good for you for another few years before he gradually changed into a man whom you wouldn't enjoy being with. Don't commit your future on him, he will end up being your deepest sadness and leave you scarred. Be brave and don't commit yourself solely on him. I know you love him a lot now and he will show himself worthy of you but he would mature into a guy that you wish that you never knew. You are still young and wild. Let your heart be free and don't tie yourself down so early.

Thirdly, you may be better exploring Nursing in Australia, like some of your course-mates. Who knows, you may like working with Caucasians? Embarking on a new life and journey may changes lots of your course of life as well as experiences to make you into a stronger woman. However, fate has it that you will be fall and get hurt real bad. That experience alone would mould you into a stronger woman for yourself at age 28, coming 29. You will learn to fend for yourself, bravely fighting for your own freedom and survive the stigma that society placed on you.

Lastly, at age 36, coming 37, you will learn to love yourself more than anything else in the world. You will become a woman, who goes through lots of ordeals as well as setbacks, only to be stronger in character, more stubborn to purse your own happiness, even more determine to treasure your freedom to do whatever you wish as long as it is righteous and morally legal.

Until we meet again. Stay safe during this SARs period and you will go on to fight the Coronavirus...

Thursday, January 30, 2020

爱自己更深

Came across this song from a friend's Instagram post and the lyrics is quite reflective of what I went through with my ex-husband. Actually all the tell-tale signs that this marriage wasn't going to last nor will be a blissful one were already there but I still went ahead with the wedding and even stayed in the marriage for the next 6 years. I could have chosen to annul the marriage as he started changing his behaviour and attitude towards me 9 months into the legal matrimony binding we had. 

(如果你真的打算不闻不问, 如果就这样 
放下我一个人 ) 
When we quarrelled or had a fight, he would not even bother to show any forms of concerns. Yet, he expects me to compromise to his 'headaches', 'tiredness' or 'need for sleep'. My well-being was never his top priority, even when I was sick, I was told that I have hands and legs to see doctor myself, thus, should handle myself. 
After our last fight, he also insisted that I leave his house for good at 1+am alone, and even went to lengths to chase me out by being spiteful. My safety to reach home or even get a cab were least of his concerns. His main concern was that I leave his place as soon as possible after the arguement so that he can have a good night's rest and sleep. 

(明天我学着自己消化伤痕, 成为更值得 懂得 被爱的人) 
After that last fight and with his statement of 'I don't love you anymore', I walked out and started to reflect on myself, realising that I was mostly left alone to fend for myself. He as my husband was never there for me when I needed him or his love. 
The moment I reached back to my parents'place and back to my own room, that was the time I knew that I had to learn to love myself again, to accept myself once more, to be strong for myself and face the divorce head on. 

(都怪我不愿相信你是坏人) 
During the downtimes of the marriage, my close friend had already seen through him and tell me that he wasn't a good husband for me, she even suggested that I leave him instead. However, I kept telling and deceiving myself that his behaviour as well as temper towards to me improve, I even defended him and his actions as stemming from stress of studying for his degree. 

(都怪我一厢情愿用情太深) 
All my tolerance and patience was a foolishness on my part. I had to keep asking myself to hold on tightly to my marriage as I love him a lot. I thought my love was good enough for him to see that I was the wife for him. I had so much to lookforward to with him: living together in our love nest of the BTO flat. 
There were also constant self-consolation of myself that our marriage would be better after we start living as a couple, away from our parents. 

(谢谢你终于让我恢复单身, 学会爱自己更深)
After the separation and divorce, I have learnt to take care of my own needs and wants first. I have learnt to treasure my own freedom. I have learnt to be more of a feminist, to love myself better.


To my ex-husband, 
If you are still following or read my blog secretly, I believe that I have crossed with your cousin on the night of Lunar New Year's eve. Although, I have forgotten his name and even took me an extended time recognizes him, until I found the glare and sulky face familiar, I am pretty sure he can testify that I am definetely in a happier place and relationship/partnership/marriage now. And yes, the man who was with me is my husband. Our lives may not be perfect, but we are happy together and complement one another. We have healthy arguments and no usage of vulgarities with none of any abusive behaviours or actions towards one another.
I do wish you well too as I know that you have also remarried a Thai-lady. May you be also genuinely happily married with her. May you both, complement one another too. 
Although, I still very much carry the pain, hurt and some hatred towards you, I do wish you all the best as well as may we never cross paths if possible...



Friday, January 3, 2020

10 Years Has Past: A Reflection

It's 2020, this marks my survival for another decade. From Y2K, many theories of apocalypse as well as doomsday came and went back without it actually happening. Few eclipses happened to no issues either. However, for the past 10 years, my emotional and mental state was put through tests and trials.
As I reflect of my last decade... 
1. I got my advance diploma in June 2010
2. I got my degree in Dec 2012
3. I got my promo at work in June 2012
4. I  left a marriage that no longer served me well in April 2012 and officially divorced in Nov 2012. 
5. I gained a better guy in Sept 2012 and married him in April 2015
6. I lost my most loved grandma in Dec 2011. 
7. I gained a cat in June 2015
8. I have a home to call my own in 2015
9. I gained weight (whole 10yrs!)
10. I regained my freedom in April 2012 back to singlehood, something I missed for 12 years since being attached at just 17 years old. 
11. I did my first solo overseas trip in May 2012.
12. I reached a career level whereby I am now comfortable.
13. I turned away from Christianity due to lack of His promises and merits gained from Him in June 2019.
14. Calmed my soul and mind by slowly accepting another religion in July 2019. 

With lots of events happening in 2012 and 2015, I am thankful that I was strong enough to tough it out. Being able to come out of the events, made me feel that I am a better woman for myself, 
Wonder where 2020 - 2030 will bring me. Likely still alive and more perhaps by then the elderly diseases will creep up to me. Haha... 

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Reflections of What Makes A Man Faithful to His Partner/Wife

This morning I was having a conversation with my husband on the way to work. I brought up the topic asking him (as a man) what is/are the factor/s that would make a man faithful to his wife, girlfriend or partner? I brought up the example of a mutual friend, he is rich and practically quite powerful in the sense of spiritual world. His mouth can get a bit flirtatious but his actions speaks of love for his wife. My husband said probably it is because this friend of yours wears the Buddhism amulets and would be constantly to be reminded to be faithful, or else karma may strike him. Then I brought up my ex-husband as a counter-argument. He too wears the 4-faced Buddhist figurine as an amulet, yet he didn't know how to treat me well and/or wasn't faithful to me. I also brought up my brother in-law, my husband's younger brother, who is also very successful in life and quite financially secured, he doesn't wear any form of amulet but he loves his wife so dearly and even stayed with her since JC years until now.

After this little 'debate', we concluded whether one is able to practise faithfulness to spouse, partner or girlfriend/boyfriend is based on a few factors:
1) character of one and how he/she is brought up
2) how much one loves the other partner, spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend
3) how secure one feels being in the current relationship. This also means how much one trusts, feels stability as well as the foundation of the relationship is being built on.

At the same time, I told my husband that if he or me would have the chance to meet my ex-husband and if he askes how I am coping. My answer is I am very 幸福 now.
I may not have everything that I wanted in an ideal world. I may not be married to a handsome, tall, rich and be driven around in some sports/branded car. However, I am fortunate to have found a man who is willing to take care of me, dotes on me and loves me enough to ferry me to and from work, considerate enough to put me as his top priority, lastly, he is able to be filial to my parents too to visit them for meals every alternate weekend and ask about them should any issues arises. He is willing to go out of the way to ensure my needs are met. He is also mature enough to discuss and thrash out our differences without any violence, no petty tantrums or lashing out of vulgarities at me. That is more than what I experienced in my previous marriage. So if I feel thankful and grateful, it would be unfair to him.

I would end this post by saying, although I still hurt fm the previous marriage not working out the way I wished it would, but I am definetely happier and much more satisfied with my current marital status. Hence, the more likely I would stay faithful to my husband due to the fulfilment of the above named factors, including our transparency in the marriage. No secrets. No hidden agenda.

Sunday, September 15, 2019

09092019: 7 Year Itch

How time flies... I have been in a relationship leading to marriage 7 years ago. So let's just say that the 7-year itch for us has begun, a superstition that had been believing due to the previous relationship I had with my ex-husband. Yes, he was my husband for nearly 1 year before cracks started showing. The stubborn and blinded side of me had endured another 5 years of roller coaster up-down emotional ride before finally calling it quits.

This time, the 7-year itch is with my current husband of 4 years. Plus, we are in a more mature stage of life and age, to handle things. We also seldom have an big argument fight, leading to cold war as we are able to handle conflicts better. Perhaps coupled with more EQ to less hot-tempered also benefited.

At times, I do reflect on my past relationship with my ex-husband, wondering many what-ifs, whys and how-comes to many unanswerable questions. Was it really just us? Is the superstitions true? Could we have avoided it? Either way, let's see my current relationship does survive the 7-year itch, 'cause I have some confidence that it would.