RIP Mr Lee Kuan Yew: 1923-2015

"For reasons of sentiment, I would like part of my ashes to be mixed up with Mama’s, and both her ashes and mine put side by side in the columbarium. We were joined in life and I would like our ashes to be joined after this life."
Of all things that were quoted in the press that Mr LKY had said or wrote, I took particular fancy to the above quote that Mr LKY wrote and instructed his kids. Perhaps, because it touches my heart to know that he was such a loving and faithful husband to his late wife.

Although as a Singaporean, sadly, I don't know much about this man, except that he was not exactly a very nice person in real life and I personally don't like the way how he ruled this country. However, I cannot deny the fact that he had dedicated his whole life to developing Singapore, building Singapore to where She is now, achieving much prosperity world-wide and ensuring the fellow citizens enjoyed the same standard of living as developed countries. It was he, who came up with the idea of HDBs and cleaned up Singapore's sanitation issues.

Yet, I have also heard how nasty he is opposition parties in the past by throwing those people against him into jail and no one ever heard from them again, be it alive or dead. He was also in my opinion, a hypocrite, saying that Singapore is a democratic society when in fact, it is more of a communist society ruled under his authoritarian views. Where is the justice served for those who wanted their opinions and voices heard to challenge his beliefs as well as ruling methods?

Now that he has passed on in life, I am predicting that Singapore would be in for radical changes politically and in societal ways of life. Opposition parties would be able to gain the upper hand in the next elections. Mr LHL will have to work doubly hard to maintain the legacy that his dad has left behind. 

Somehow, SG50 celebrations would be marred that LKY isn't alive to witness the country he had built celebrate her Jubilee Birthday. The joyous occasion won't be the same without him.  

Goodbye Mr Lee Kuan Yew, may you Rest In Peace as you re-unite with your wife in Heaven. Hopefully, you would be able to spiritually guide your son in carrying on your legacy to ensure that Singapore maintains the peace and war-less status. May you rise from your grave/ashes as promised should the need arises...

Shuttle Between Happiness and Fear

As I prepare myself, emotionally and physically (lose weight) for my up-coming ROM in April, my feelings shuttle between positive emotions and negative ones. Part of me looks forward to the ROM but another part of me feels fear of history repeating itself once more...

Of course after being with my fiance for nearly two and a half years, I know that he loves me lots and would make a good husband. In fact, I do know for a fact that he loves me more than I do love him. He has proven himself worthy of me. He has accepted my history and also understands my fears as well as insecurities in the journey of life. Even those colleagues, friends and family members are convinced that he does love me a lot and cherish me. They all said that 'he is just so into me', 'he wouldn't do anything to betray my love and trust' and 'he love me so much so that with just one word from me and he would drop the world just for me'. I admit whatever they say. He has done that many times whenever I sink into some odd depressive mood or whenever I need him the most. In fact, he so sweet to me that I feel that he has made up for his physical flaws.

However, another part of me tends to remind myself that my ex-husband was also nice and sweet towards me before marriage. He too, had proven himself that he was the best man for me after 6 years of courtship. He had been through ups and downs with me through polytechnic years to his NS to our working life. I thought he was the one as he had taken care of me when I had to go through an emergency surgery. He also managed to convince my parents that he would the ideal man to take care of their daughter.
We were all wrong! He started to change just 9 months into the marriage. He changed to someone whom I wouldn't have married if I had a second chance. He morphed into another guy. whom I slowly didn't know how to handle and get along with. He became an egoistic, selfish and erratic jerk. The whole relationship and marriage ended 12 years after knowing him and yes, he was the one who suggested to end it all just because he feels that he doesn't love me anymore.

It is just feel so weird to be have my mind fearful of history repeating itself. This is the result of a failed marriage. The fear of another failure in marriage and love haunts me deeply. Yet, some may ask, when choose to marry when you are so fearful still? The answer is simple. Trust. I trust him adequately that he wouldn't let me down. I trust that he wouldn't do the same thing towards me like how my ex-husband did. I trust him enough to allow him to be my husband, to care for me, to cherish me, to honour, to comfort me, to keep me in sickness and in health, forsaking all others and be faithful towards me as long as we both shall live.

Just don't let me be wrong this time round.
Just don't let me fall again.
Just don't let history repeat itself.

5 Weeks More

5 weeks more to the day
5 weeks more till I become someone's wife
5 weeks more till I start a new chapter of my life
5 weeks more till I embark on another journey of marriage
5 weeks more...

God bless this marriage and hopefully, this time round, it would last.

Love-Nest Built

Comfortably settled down into my new home otherwise known as my love-nest with my fiance while I am typing this post.

The past few days had been quite hectic due to all the set-up of the home, including painting works, necessities and groceries shopping, receiving of furniture and electrical appliances, cleaning up of the place, testing out of the electrical appliances and adapting to the new environment. Although it is tiring and energy draining, the final product was all worth it. This place is now my comfort zone, small place but cosy.

Now it is time to preparing ourselves and the place for the upcoming ROM next month.

I am also back to the typical housewife-style, planning meals, buying of ingredients and cooking for the next few days while I am clearing leave...

I have my own oven, toaster, stove and kitchen to do whatever meals and food that I deem fit. Hurray! F&N Days, here I come!

5 Days To Love Nest

Can't believe that this day is coming up this weekend! After much hassles and hiccups, we are finally moving into our Love-Nest. The start of new life as a couple begins, the beginning of seeing each other first thing in the morning and last thing at night before bedtime. All the pet peeves and bad habits would be portrayed full blown.

Painter coming in on 6th March. Moving of his things on 7th March and mine on 8th March. Furnitures and electrical appliances delivery on 9th March. Seems like a busy few weeks until ROM day to 'prepare' the house and ourselves for the big day on 28th April.

All seems to be running smoothly but I am not as optimistic as I want to be, as I know that God always have some hurdle for me. He never allows me to have an easy life with our bliss for too long. I am used to being struck with hiccups and obstacles to getting to my destination of happiness. Bad things always happen when I am in the midst of happiness. That process has been part of my life since 2007. Obstacles and worries more than bliss and happiness...

I know my current guy will be a much better guy/partner/fiance/husband than my ex-husband. I am confident that my life would be better and happier as compared to when I was married to my ex-husband. I may not have surplus financially and didn't marry into a rich family but I know that I would be more stable in the non-tangible aspects of my life. However, I would be treated better emotionally, psychologically and physically. I would be able to be my natural self around him and with transparency in our thoughts. No more threading on thin ice. No more fears of saying the wrong words leading to endless arguments.  No more fears of being much less than top priority. No more nonsensical emotional roller coaster ride. No more mental trusting issues. No more hidden secrets to hinder a marriage from progressing into the future between the two of us.

I will be happy. I will be a better wife. I will lead a more fulfilled life. Small home but full of love and warmth from him. Simple living but genuinely blissful.

Since 09.09.2012, we have fought numerous battles in life only be to be stronger as a couple... Hopefully once this new chapter begins for me, I would be able to leave behind my hatred and lack of forgiveness towards my ex-husband. I may not forget my past but I hope to be able to fully forgive myself and him for allowing it to happen...

As I move on to a brand new life ahead, I would still need God's grace to get through till death do us apart. Although different religions between my fiance and me but all the same respect for each other's God. May all prayers be answered and sufficient to last us this lifetime...