Filed. I'm Getting Married Again.

Please don't mistaken this post as an excited announcement... It should be but it isn't.

Lots has happened in this whole 2 months of my current life since Dec 2014 and it is still on-going. The stress of everything has boggled me down and filing for my marriage is just one small stone out of my heavy heart.

I have walked a long way to become where I am today. I have learnt to stop having high expectations of my life and from people around me. I have learnt that my own happiness should outweigh what others thinks or perceives. I have learnt that only I am answerable for my own goals, directions and decisions in life.

I have not sinned as a divorcee, much less was my previous marriage solely my fault, hence, I should leave behind my past and move on forward to a new chapter of happiness. I had done my best to salvage whatever possible to preserve my previous marriage, which perhaps wasn't enough or perhaps, it wasn't even significant enough in the eyes of my previous partner to keep his heart from straying away. I walked away from my previous marriage knowing that I had fulfilled whatever duties as his partner within my own capabilities, tolerance, perseverance and endurance. I have tried my best to fulfill the covenant of a marriage with a guy who didn't see it nor understand it, thus, I am not guilty of anything.

Now I am walking towards a new chapter in my life again, I am reopening my roles and duties as a wife. I would promise to try my best as a wife just like I did in my previous marriage. I would give this upcoming marriage all my heart without much reservations. However, I know I still bear the scars from the previous marriage. I just hope these previous scars wouldn't hinder me from all I need to do as a wife.

May this guy be a better husband for me... I know he would be. I guess that is suffice...

Chaotic January 2015

The past few weeks has been quite upsetting and stressful for me:
1) My new house would not be ready for me to move in as expected on 29 Jan 2015
- current owner's BTO is not ready for him (he won't have keys till 6th Feb)
- hence, current owner would only be able to start his own renovations for his BTO in Feb and would be completed by end March.
- he has asked for to extend his stay in the current house, which is legally mine w.e.f 29 Jan 2015, until 7th March.
- he used the reason of being homeless with his two young kids (1 & 3 yr old), elderly mum of roughly 70 years and a wife, to gain our sympathy.
- he also made his agent pay for his lodging from 7th March until end March as his agent had mis-communicated some vital information during the sales transaction between us, the buyers and him
- he refused to pay any compensation for the extension as my housing agent was also partially at fault for being part of the mis-communication.

2) My dad and I are having cold war due the argument we had in Dec 2014
- he is behaving childishly by not talking to me nor even giving me any form of eye contact
- he is being stubbornly in denial of his mistake for being unreasonable with me, although he had verbally acknowledged it during the argument.
- he rather ruined the parent-child relationship than to give up his friendship with a friend who owes him nearly SGD 50K (out of which, 10K was supposedly funds for my tertiary studies).
- he rather take up bank loans than to give up his money consuming hobbies of Karaoke, learning the Er-Hu and Toastmaster Course
- I am not sure if I should still submit his name as my witness for ROM, although my mum insists that he will still be my witness as agreed before the argument happened.

3) Work life is hectic
- it seems like everyone is dependent on me and now I have to even manage the business of GS, when I have already been transferred out from that clinic since Sept 2014.
- hence, it feels like I am running the administrative works of two clinics (GS & ENT) for the same miserable pay.
- my colleagues are also getting lazier, one addicted to Korean Drama on her iPhone and the other immersed in her own family + financial issues.
- my manager is also becoming more reliant on me to settle any maintenance works for the ENT equipment that are becoming spoiled or less usable.

4) I am doing F.O.C tuition for a Primary 6 kid every Sunday
- kid's parent only found out his sliding grades after his P5 final year examinations and were too poor to afford to have tuition for all his subjects.
- hence, my fiance's mum, had asked me to help for his English PSLE.
- it started off as a trial but now it seems like I have unknowingly committed to a weekly FOC tuition session until his PSLE in Sept 2015 or Oct 2015
- every Sunday from 2-6pm I would be doing this volunteer tuition for nothing in exchange. 
- can't bring myself to broach the subject of payment as I also understand his parents' are not doing well. (His mum is a masseuse and the dad a hawker.)

5) Financially I am saving up for my future furnitures and electrical appliances
- less shopping
- less buying luxury stuff
- less self-rewards
- more stress about money being 'never enough'
- more stress about the renovation loan that I would be taking to furnish and build my/our home
- all my bonus and savings has gone into ROM preparations, so practically I am re-saving up again.



Haiz.., hopefully everything I have sacrificed for and my soft-hearted character would pay off soon. I just want serenity, peace and stability in my life. 

Post Overdue: Meeting My 2 Other God-Sisters

These 2 girls/ladies/babes/women/besties/pals/god-sisters have been a part of my life since I was 14 years old, we did all sorts of crazy things, studied our exams, played, sang songs at the top of our lungs, wrote love letters, screamed and cried together.  They seen me through raging hormones due to puberty, to calmer days due to maturity, to work woes, to parental woes and relationship matters. I have also seen them through those stages and been there for them...

Now 17 years later, we have all grown up, pursued our own career paths, even one of them is staying in Australia, we dont contact one another as often as we should, but when we do come together, the fun begins again:  the mad singing of random songs, the laughters, the catch-up conversations and debates on silly subjects.

Friendships that stays on so long, dating back to teenage years are like the purest and best ones I ever had.

Cheers to our many years of friendship and many more years to come!

2015: Today Is My First Blank Page Of A 365 Day Book

Today is my first blank page of a 365 day book, I hope to write it with good memories, happiness and bliss. So far, 2015 encompasses few important events for me:
- a home (not just a house)
- a marriage (not just a wedding)
- a new family (not just a bunch of in-laws)

Hopefully as a new chapter of my life starts, it would spell the end of endless problems and obstacles that strike me once every few months, I would like to start living my life in simple bliss and stop worrying about bad clouds that affects me mentally and emotionally. I wish to close the doors to those dark side of my past.

Amen,