Will Happiness Last?

Currently at the peak of my life. Never had the though that my life was ever going to be this happy and blissful again, not after a divorce and definitely not after resigning from KKH. I am not saying that my life is perfect but at least, it was never expected that I would find love, passion, status and obtain my degree. Many people who doesn't know my history has been asking when I would marry my fiance. They even said that he is a rare find in this modern society, too loving and caring towards me.

The truth is that yes, I want to marry him. However, what is stopping me is my own fears. Fear of history repeating itself. Fear of making the wrong decision to step into married life again. Fear of misjudgment on my part that he may change after marriage, just like my ex-husband did. Fear that I would lose this happiness and blissfulness after marriage. Fear of what-ifs.

In my world, happiness is short-lived. I would never experience any true joy for long.

To be able to meet my fiance, is a blessing. Although he isn't rich, neither is he good looking, nor is he highly educated, but he is genuine, he is loving, his caring and his gestures are sincere. He may be blur at times and not good with words, but I could see that he would be a good husband through his actions and non-verbal protectiveness towards me. Yet, I fear that he may change his ways after marriage. I fear that it would be back to square one after marriage. I fear that I would be heading for another divorce if history repeats itself.

He knows my insecurities. He understands my fear. He says that he will wait for me to feel confident in marriage again. He says that he is willing to prove that he isn't like my ex-husband. But... I still fear...

We have talked about 09/09/2015 for ROM or maybe even  28/4/2015. We have also discussed about application/buying a BTO flat together. But will it come true? That will all depends on my ability to overcome the fear and his continuous action to convince me.

I may look strong on the outside but inside, I am an insecure woman... I am just a plain woman, who had failed enough in life.