十万毫升泪水

知道我不完美　能给的我都给
于是天蓝转灰转黑　也微笑不插嘴
这一次会气馁　连平凡爱一回
都才将心给谁　马上又被粉碎
满意了吗　你究竟有完没完
你烦不烦　总考验我多勇敢
有那么难　那么幸福和美满
我不贪婪　只求多些夜晚　不鼻酸 不孤单
我想要的快乐很简单　你都不管
人的一生会积累　
以为哭完苦悲苦味　能换来好结尾
并不是我后悔　爱会痛我奉陪
只是轮到我没　谁视我为宝贝
满意了吗　你究竟有完没完
你烦不烦　总考验我多勇敢
有那么难　那么幸福和美满
我不贪婪　只求多些夜晚　不鼻酸　不孤单
我想要的快乐很简单 你都不管
有完没完　我已无条件投降
我要归还　向你借来的勇敢
我不野蛮　不属于我的美满
都不贪婪　只求一到夜晚　有期盼 有陪伴
我想要你给我个答案 你却不管
你都不管
你别不管
我的伤感

Whatspp Message From Me, To Someone

Dont mind my lengthy whatsapp message at such a wee hours of the morning, but I feel the need to share this realization with you, my dearest pal cum bestie...
You know we often ask ourselves what kind of guy is suitable for us and the kind we r dating will be the one we can trust in?
This logic just came to me after a little shedding of tears due to the recall of how that jerk had betrayed my 12yrs of love with just a welt of divorce papers.
The suitable guy for you is akin to a pair of shoes. Everyone's feet is different: different structure, size, venous positions, skin texture and curvature of the sole.
Thus, the suitable guy would be like a good pair shoes, fitted for you: no need to squeeze in, no need to force the shoes to accommodate to your foot, comfortable and yet fitting.
Of course, after wearing the new pair shoes for the first few long hours, there are bound to be some aches (arguements) and maybe small blisters (hiccups causing tears to your eyes), right? But do we throw away that pair of shoes? Depending on the price of shoes you paid for and if u can still trust the shoes to give u the ultimate comfort u desire, we make the decision to throw the shoes away or to try to break into the shoes again. 
Let's say, we don't throw the shoes again due to some reasons and eventually managed to break into the shoes comfortably now, even managing to get a little space to wriggle the toes, we r happy with the shoes and will be more inclined to wear the same pair of shoes ard as long as the shoe serves its purpose and doesnt spoil on us.
Same for our relationship and our man. We will know if he is the one after a few weeks or months depending on how frequent and long u pa-tor. If he fits u snuggly, afterall, den he is the one for u.
PS: Cinderalla didnt break her glass shoes/slippers (but Disney didnt say if she got corns or blisters wearing them). She still found her Prince Charming using that glass shoes/slippers.

Once the shoes is more or less comfortable for u and friction wears off, u bring it the cobbler to get new soles or heels right? Same, the occasional hiccups and renewal r/s post argument is the change of soles or heels.
Marriage is a total different thing from this shoe analogy...
Just bear in mind, at times u may also thrown tantrums at ur shoes for too wet after wearing it in the rain and dont wear them for the next few days while it dries. I am sure you won't throw your shoes away just because it is damp or wet right? (Same for cold wars, so dont toss your relationship out of the window so quickly due to arguements ending in cold wars)

Just a Fool

Another shot of whisky please bartender
Keep it coming till I don't remember at all
How bad it hurts when you're gone
Turn the music up a little bit louder
Just gotta get past the midnight hour
Maybe tomorrow it won't
Be this hard
Who am I kidding
I know what I'm missing
I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel
And I waited and waited so long
For someone to never come home
It's my fault to think you'll be true
I'm just a fool
I said that I don't care
I'd walk away
Whatever
And I tell myself we were bad together
But that's just me trying to move on without you But who am I kidding
I know what I'm missing
Hey
I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who know that love was so cruel
And I waited and waited so long
For someone who never come home
It's my fault to think you'll be true
I'm just a fool
For holding on to something that's never ever gonna come back
I can't accept that it's lost
I should have let it go
Held my tongue
Can't fight the motion
Cause now everything's so wrong
I'm thrown
I'm just a fool
A fool for you
I'm just a fool
I had my heart set on you
And nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel
And I waited and waited so long
For someone who never come home
It's my fault to think you'll be true
I'm just a fool
I'm just a fool
I'm just a fool
It's my fault to think you'll be true
I'm just a fool

My Life Didn't Suck Without You

Looking back for the past year since I walked out my failed marriage to an useless jerk, my life had improved. Sure, I did hit rock bottom when the marriage ended in divorce, but, soon after, I bounced back to start my life anew, I am seeing improvements to my self-worth and self-esteem.
Achievements post-divorce:
1) I made it through my degree and graduated with distinctions.
2) I found someone who treasures me more than anything else.
3) My temper also improved due to my better outlook of life.
4) I have more true friends and wider social circle.
5) My bf and I enjoy double dates with friends and their bfs.
6) My bf and I are planning for our future as a couple rather than as an individual.
7) My life is more enriched with things that I had missed out.
8) I am enjoying my freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have a supportive bf, who understands my need for fun and freedom.
9) I am exploring new places overseas and locally, without being told that certain places are 'far', or '无聊' .
10) I am constantly reminded that life is good without my ex-husband, even minor details of my life has improved.
11) The relationship between my parents and I have slightly improved.

Of course I am also facing some problems post-divorce, which includes:
1) Societal reaction when people knows that I am a divorcee with a bf.
2) Parents being more strict with my current bf and having difficulties accepting that I am attached  again.
3) Mocking statements made by back-stabbing and gossipy colleagues of my divorce and how my character may be associated to the end of the marriage.

Comparing the above, it still proves to me that not contesting to the divorce with him was the right decision for me. I just hope that my next marriage would not end up with a divorce again but no one can gurantee anything and seriously, only time can prove if the next marriage will work out well... Like what my aunt once said to me, '人 suay 一次就好, 不会suay多一次。If really suay again, then 认命 .'

With that statement from her, I took the gamble to fall in love again and am fighting all odds to make this current relationship accepted by my parents.  Tough fight, but I just hope it would be worth the effort.

2nd Chance @ Happiness?

This ring would be presented to me in 2 months time. 

Not sure how it would be present to me and unsure how I react to it. After a failed 12 years of relationship, consisting 6 years being married to the wrong guy, I am not sure I would take the leap of faith again and trust in marriage once more. 

This current guy treats me definitely much better than my ex-husband and I guess I would be quite pampered by him. But what if history repeats itself? 

As usual my parents are objecting to this current relationship as the guy isn't rich or well-qualified. However many friends and colleagues are positive that this current guy would bring much joy and happiness to me. Anyway, my ex-husband was well-qualified (in the end) and life was getting a bit 'richer', but what happened in the end? Still ended up in a divorce due to lack of love and intolerance to my natural mannerisms as well as behaviour or reaction to events. Evidences of poor communication and the inevitable divorce still occurred. 

I understand that no woman would want to walk into a marriage thinking of an ultimate divorce unless she was hankering over the guy's wealth or benefits post-divorce. Naturally same for me. I didn't walk down the aisle to expect a divorce years later and I am glad that I managed to pick myself up within a short period of time. Thus, I hope and cross my fingers that I wouldn't have to deal with divorce again.  

Guess, I will observe another 2 months before making that final decision when he chooses to propose to me in September. Can see his sincerity in planning for it. Can feel his genuineness in wanting to make me his wife. Can tell that this guy wouldn't tell me years later that he doesn't love me anymore or give me crappy excuse that he didn't know what he had signed for at ROM. 

PS: this is a 2 carats diamond ring with 0.75 carat diamonds at each side, not some blue topaz ring.