In a week's time I was would be turning 30 soon. Not something that I am looking forward to, though I am looking forward for my trip to Bali in a few days time.
I feel old thinking of that age, especially when I compare myself to other people, who are still in their 20s. What makes me feel worst is seeing my peers being more 'successful' in their lives, living their lives being married or married with kids and having good careers. Although I am not sure if that is/was the life they wanted and if having kids is/was a regrettable event in their lives, but I frequently see that they are happily posting the pictures of their happy faces with their spouses and kids on Facebook... Thus, I would be incline to believe they are contented.
When I reflect on myself and all the craps that I been through, I do somehow pity myself but yet I am proud of myself for making it this far, being strong for myself, facing all the negativities that God put me through. I have been taught that nothing in life is stable. I have learnt that there is no guarantees in life: somethings can look stable and everlasting but nothing is promised. I made the mistake of compromising my own happiness and pride in order to live my life a lie. I have cheated myself thinking as long as I work hard to achieve something, pretending that I was happy and that it would be mine forever. Dead wrong.
So, as I start living my life as a 30 year old woman, I am ready to put myself as top priority and my own happiness before others. I shall do things that please myself as long as it doesn't betray my own moral values and principles in life. I shall lead my life the way I want to. I had enough of people dictating how I should be living my life. I had enough of people telling me to follow their idea of what is happiness. I had enough of people saying that I would regret if I don't take their advices. They are not me, so how would they know what I want in life and what brings gladness to me? How would they know about shit I went through and how much courage I had to muster just to make it to what I am today?
I just hope that life after 30 would be more smooth sailing for me. I really hope that life after 30 would be more merciful on me and don't let any major setbacks to occur. May the joyous events in my life from this day forth over-exceed the negative events.
Time to head to bed and stop all this emo-ness of life as well as the dread of turning 30... Good night folks!
PS:
1) Happy Birthday to my '妹妹' who also be turning 30 soon and wishing her also a fulfilling life after 30.
2) Happy Mothers' Day to all mums reading my posts.
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