Life Is Good

I have made many mistakes in life.
I have made many wrong judgements in life.
I have learnt from these mistakes and misjudgements.

I never regretted being a nurse.
Never regretted having my fun times back during my secondary school years.
Never regretted taking my time to attain my degree.

Although I was careless with my heart and got it broken quite a few times with the wrong guys, but after each failed relationship, I became more certain that I knew what I want in a guy.
Yes, I survived a failed marriage and walked out stronger as well as clearer in what or who my ideal guy should be.
I agree that I should not fallen in love with that jerk who ruined my happiness and wasted 12years of my time, but without him, I wouldn't know my threshold limit for patience and being tolerant for the sake of love and for the obedience in the covenant of a marriage.

Now, as I am fighting a brand new war in my life, I still feel my life is good. I have always been that rebellious daughter in the eyes of my parents and this time, it is no different. As usual, my dad is neutral to my decision and my mum is pretty mad as well as upset with my decision.

I think the day I stop having all these dramas and wars in my life, would be the day I close my eyes for good and be laid to rest in my ideal pink acrylic coffin, dressed in a wedding gown and looking pretty with thick makeup, with formaldehyde pumped into my arteries and veins.
God, that would the day you will take me back once you find that I had enough of those tests and tribulations in my life. Hopefully I land myself in Heaven with you and do not qualify for eternal stay in Hell.

Amelia, just enjoy a brand new day in life for you will never know when God decides to take you back. Each brand new day is a blessing and adventure for you to conquer. Cheers!

The Battle Begins

Officially introduced.
Formally introduced.
Fighting for our future together hand in hand.
May time and God be on our side.
Amen.

We Are All Humans Afterall

Everyone needs a little reassurance that life is unkind at times and the storm will pass soon enough for the rainbow to shine again.
Everyone needs a pair of strong + reliable arms to hold them up when they crumble under life's challenges or when life gets a little too overwhelming to handle alone.
Everyone needs a pillar of strength to lean on, to catch a breath and rest before fighting the next battle of life.
Everyone needs someone to understand that vulnerability is part of being human and shouldn't be mocked at or be taken as a joke. Never attempt to judge one's vulnerability as.weakness, for you may not know the full story that has caused for him/her to crack under pressure.
I admit that I am only  human and do suffer from setbacks and crazy emo derangements. I am just a human, controlled by emotions, hormonal imbalances and politics, which is never a fun game after all.

Fool In Love

爱一个人 需要缘份
你何苦让自己 越陷越深
别傻得用你的天真
去碰触不安的灵魂
每一天只能痴痴的等

爱一个人 别太认真
你受伤的眼神 令人心疼
没有一个人 非要另一个人
才能过一生
你又何苦逼自己 面对伤痕

我知道你很难过
感情的付出 不是真心就会有结果
别问怎么做 爱才能长久
这道理有一天你会懂
我知道你很难过
昨天是恋人 今天说分手就分手
别问你的痛 要怎么解脱
多情的人注定 伤得比较久

爱若变成了刺 思念也成了痴
也许心碎是爱情最美的样子

Chanced upon this song and found the lyrics meaningful, especially after a failed marriage and mistake made trusting + loving + choosing the wrong guy.
The lyrics of this song made me see what I fool I was hanging on and tolerating whatever changes and crap that he had put me through, just hoping the marriage would succeed. It was all one-sided: I am the only one working hard to hold onto a marriage that was doomed once the 'honeymoon' period was over since February 2007.
Like what others have told me, I bet that he is enjoying his life now, without me and here I am reminiscing the past but I guess like the song mentions, '多情的人注定 伤得比较久'. So whoever said that he loved me more than I loved him is total bullshit!
I just hope my second marriage (should that ever happens) wouldn't end up like my previous marriage.
I just hope that I have learnt to walk away should ever any cracks appear or tackle any cracks before deteriorations to the relationship happens.
I just hope that the guy I decide to marry next time would be mature enough to deal with problems that arises instead of 'running away' or sweeping the problem under the carpet.

Granny Still Around Spiritually

Last evening was the time for the distribution of my late granny's jewelleries via drawing lots at my aunt's house. As I was working, my parents drew the lot on nlmy behalf.
I got a jade ring and a pendant.
What amazed me when my mum showed me the pendent was that the pendant had the words Taurus and the figure of a bull engraved on it!
Firstly, my granny was a September baby and thus, her zodiac sign shouldn't be Taurus. So, how is it that she has a Taurus pendant?
Secondly, even if she got the pendant as a gift, who would have given her a pendant which isn't her zodiac sign.
Thirdly, at her generation, how does she know about the english zodiac. People who are her generation won't have a clue about the english zodiac.
Lastly, coincidentally I drew the lot which in turn 'represents' this pendent and just nice, I am a Taurus.
According to my parents, most of my relatives also managed to draw the lots linked to the jewellery item which they were hoping for.  Coincidence or blessing? Coincidence or a miracle? Coincidence or luck? I would rather believe that my granny was around in spirit to ensure that everyone got what they wished for. I would like to think that each item was pre-arranged by her in form of coincidences.
I firmly believe that my granny was around in spirit during the drawing of lots to allocate the jewellery pieces according to individual's wishes and preferences.
Although, I didn't receive the white gold ring with diamonds that I have been hoping for, the Taurus pendent is good enough to prove to me that this jewellery piece is meant for me as I am the only one born a Taurus in the family.
Ah Ma, thank you for your choice and thank you for in your way 'telling' me that you are still around, blessing and ever so doting on me even after your demised. Although I can't figure out how you gotten this pendent or why you have this pendent when you aren't a Taurus, but I am glad it is mine now... Please continue to protect me from harm, blessing me with happiness and peace. Still missing you from time to time...

Lessons Learnt

 Few things I have learnt after this failed 6 years of undying commitment and trust towards to the wrong guy.
I don't regret what I have done and endured as his wife... I only regretted holding on for so long. But at least, I could walk away with my head held high.
My life is now peaceful and I need not live my life fearing anyone minding my past or being hindered by unforgiveness.

Recollection of Memories

By accident, I found an old thumbdrive that contained some music that I used to listen to from years back. As I listened to them, I realized that those songs had something in common: they were my wishful thinking and prayers.

Wishful thinking that one day Jeff would realized how his change in character and behavior had affected me psychologically as well as emotionally, apologize to me and we could continue a loving marriage like nothing had changed.
Prayers for a genuine marriage and a guy/husband who would be able to love me for who I am naturally without forcing me to change to accommodate his change in mentality and behavior.

Sadly, none of my wishes or prayers did come true...

Some of these songs were also a reflection of my emotions on how upset I was with my relationship and marriage to him. They reflected my questionings on why the changes had taken place and how helpless I was with the changes that destroyed the guy I married.

Now, I listen to those songs with a different mindset. A brand new mindset... A mindset that tells me that no use forcing love and no use changing myself to accommodate a partner who doesn't show his love to me or appreciate me for who I really am.

I kinda glad that this divorce taught me a lesson and allowed me to find someone who suits me, a brand new me, who views life differently, who is more freedom-loving.

The current Amelia is one that Jeff will not be able to identify with. This Amelia is one that Jeff might regret divorcing. :P