Suspicions Confirmed

It is confirmed that I have now another 'avid' reader for my blog. But the main reasons for following and reading this 'crappy and nonsensical' blog (according to him) is to monitor what I put up as well as type in this blog. Sadly, to your dismay, the truth still remains that this is my blog, hence, I am free to write or publish anything I deem fit, customized to my feelings and emotions. The fact remains that as long as I don't reveal your true identity or name your full name + NRIC number, you have no hold over me. The only thing you could do is to either stop reading my blog from henceforth, when you can bear it no more or just read and bottle up your anger towards me for publishing things aiming at u and our past relationship to yourself.


I have come to conclude that since you would be following my blog, I could also use this blog to 'speak' to you and update you on the progress of my life without you in my life: be it good things or bad things. Even if you have decided to stop following the blog, the blog would still serve its purpose for me to ventilate my feelings and frustrations in my life. So using the blog to 'speak' to you is just a bonus purpose as I have never expected to be interested in such, according to you, 'stupid, waste of time and nonsense' habit of mine.

Thus, as usual, I would dedicate this post to you, Mr J.Ng:
As you can see now that I really have no fear towards you. I am no longer the same Amelia, fearful of you, fearful of losing this marriage, fearful of you hurting me with your cruel words or fearful of you ignoring me/giving me cold war.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for reminding that I am not a perfect person and that I am no angel. Just to clarify, if you have been reading my past posts, I have never claimed to be perfect or an angel. Instead, I have been lamenting how hard I have tried to salvage this marriage and be a good wife to you.

Secondly, I would like to thank you for sharing me all those painful thoughts and directed anger you have been concealing all these years. Thank you for sharing your deepest, inner most hurt that you claimed that have killed our relationship. Thank you for telling me how 'noble' you have been as my boyfriend and subsequently, as my husband, in tolerating my unchangeable traits/character as well as my history, which you cannot accept.

Thirdly, I would like to thank you for admitting that you have been reading my blog. Although, I do not when you have started this 'habit' of tracking me and my life due to your own concern for privacy of yourself + your family. At least you have confirmed my suspicions of how you know where I had gone to recuperate my broken heart and when I actually have returned back to face this cruel divorce.

Fourthly, I do owe you a 'thank you' for ending the fake-ness you have gone through with me. I need to thank you for bursting my bubble of an everlasting marriage, based on true love and acceptance. Thank you for finally telling me that you had enough and was ready to kick me out of your life by mentioning and carrying out the divorce as promised.

Fifthly, I would like to thank you for being a gentleman so far in this divorce process. I hope you remain this way until the final papers for divorce to be official and until I am totally free from you.

Sixthly, I would like you to know that although there has been time throughout my day where I have been thinking of us and u, my 'single' life, without you has been good. I do not have anymore self-reservations to fulfill any duties to maintain a failing marriage, praying for a miracle daily for our marriage, trying my best to please you and your temper. My life so far has been spending going out whenever I like, doing whatever I like, enjoying alcoholic drinks without the fear of your disapproval, going out after work and coming home late without the fear of anyone gossiping or waking someone up from their slumber. Of course, there are times when you do appear in my mind and I do still the hurt from the fact of us ending up in a divorce but I guess, we both are happier now. I am sure you don't go through as much sadness and pain as I do, 'cause you are the one who chose this path and 'cause you are one served the papers.

Lastly, I would respect your request to stop all contacts with you the moment we settle our divorce, to allow your parents and you to fully move on. I would follow your request to even if I meet u or your family or relatives on the streets, to totally ignore them.

Although, you didn't wish me all the best in the future. I would still wish all the best for you in your future endeavours and life. My sincere apologies for EVERYTHING you blame me for and for your HATRED harboured towards me.