Countdown: 3 days More

Come 31st July, Amelia would be single and availble once again!

With effect of 1st August, after the court mention of my divorce case on 31st July, I am officially allowed to spread my wings out as wide as I want to enjoy my re-instated single status. I am ready to shake off the thoughts of  being 'married' in status and be free with my own actions, to do whatever I like and  whenever I want without the fear of people gossiping behind my back or telling me that I am still legally 'married' to him.

It would also be a good time for me to experience all that I have missed out for the past 12 years. No more being restricted mentally of being 'attached' or 'answerable to a guy' for my actions and behaviours. No more such thing called betrayal or infidelity, until I managed to settle down my heart for another guy worthy of me. I would go back to those days, where I need not commit myself to anyone unless I find a guy who can ensure me of happiness and regain my trust again. God bless that lucky guy if he can ever win over Amelia's heart again. The previous guy didn't know how to treasure his wife, and probably still feel triumph over divorcing her. Let it be. Amelia is ready to regain her freedom and no one can ever stop her from doing whatever she wants and likes anymore. The chances of any guy giving her enough assurance to settle down again is slim. The chances of her falling truly in love ever again is slim. The chances of her commiting herself fully into a relationship again is slim.

I don't owe you no shit now. Since you have choosen this path and still don't regret it (from the last phone call, I doubt you ever will also), it is time, I live my life knowing you won't come back.

Goodbye married status, hello, single status!

27 Sept 2012: Avenue Q

Date: 27 Sept 2012
Time: 8pm
Venue: Marina Bay Sands (Grand Theatre)

I am so looking foward to this musical.

Songs That Remind of The Guys Who Impacted My Love Life The Most

The 1st Guy:
I swear by the moon and the stars in the skies
And I swear like the shadow that's by your side

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my part

Cause I'll stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

And I swear by the moon and the stars in the skies
I'll be there
I swear like a shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse,
Till death do us part,
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the walls

And when (and when) just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
Cause as the time turns the page,
My love won't age at all

And I swear (I swear) by the moon and the stars in the skies
I'll be there (I'll be there)
I swear (and I swear) like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there (I'll be there)

For better or worse,
Till death do us part,
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I swear (I swear) by the moon and stars in the skies
I'll be there (I'll be there)
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there (I'll be there)

For better or worse (better or worse),
Till death do us part (oh no),
I'll love you with every (every single) beat of my heart
I swear, I swear, oh... I... swear...


The 2nd Guy:
望着广场的时钟
你还在我的怀里躲风
不习惯言不由衷
沉默如何能让你都懂
此刻与你相拥 也算有始有终
祝福有许多种 心痛却尽在不言中

请你一定要比我幸福
才不枉费我狼狈退出
再痛也不说苦 爱不用抱歉来弥补
至少我能成全你的追逐
请记得你要比我幸福
才值得我对自己残酷
我默默的倒数 最后再把你看清楚
看你眼里的我好模糊 慢慢被放逐
望着广场的时钟
你还在我的怀里躲风
不习惯言不由衷
沉默如何能让你都懂
此刻与你相拥 也算有始有终
祝福有许多种 心痛却尽在不言中

请你一定要比我幸福
才不枉费我狼狈退出
再痛也不说苦 爱不用抱歉来弥补
至少我能成全你的追逐
请记得你要比我幸福
才值得我对自己残酷
我默默的倒数 最后再把你看清楚
看你眼里的我好模糊 慢慢被放逐

放心去追逐你的幸福
别管我愿不愿孤不孤独 都别在乎

请你一定要比我幸福
才不枉费我狼狈退出
再痛也不说苦 爱不用抱歉来弥补
至少我能成全你的追逐
请记得你要比我幸福
才值得我对自己残酷
我默默的倒数 最后再把你看清楚
看你眼里的我好模糊 慢慢被放逐

放心去追逐你的幸福
别管我愿不愿


But all these were all lies to me...

Thank You

Had my fortune based on my 八字 today and found out that I have two things that I would to thank Mr J.Ng for:
1) thanks for being able to inseminate me 3 years back, 'cause I was due to be actually pregnant then. Thankfully, I didn't get pregnant otherwise things would be more complicated now.
2) thanks for letting me go and divorcing me, so that I can look forward to the possibility of having at least another 2-3 kids in the next 10 years if I find the right guy.

Now that I know what my future roughly holds. Thank God for it :)

The Day I Die

When I die one day, bury me in satin with an acrylic coffin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on those loves me
They'll know I'm safe with you when they stand under my colors.
And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding me hand
There's a boy, who said he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed
A penny for my thoughts
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep them in your pocket
Save them for a time when you are really gonna need them

Love Myself

Learned to love myself more each day
Learned to trust myself more each day
Learned to spoil myself more each day
Learned to dote on myself more each day
Learned to be myself naturally more each day
Learned to do whatever I like, whenever I like more each day
Learned to be happier each day
Learned to be more narcisstic each day
Me, Myself & I, Amelia!

Predictions... True? LIKE FUCK!

Sheep & Pig
The Sheep and the Pig are similar in the most important ways, making for a smooth, loving and sensuous relationship that's satisfying for both. The Pig is a great sensualist who loves reveling in the comforts of rich foods, lovemaking, even sleeping and bathing. The Sheep is no materialist -- this Sign is perfectly content to dwell within the richness of its own imaginings -- but, especially when in love, has a sensual side that comes to the fore. In any type of relationship between these two, the Pig will admire the Sheep's unique mind and creative intelligence. The Sheep will love the Pig for its generosity, its emotional constancy and its strong shoulder to lean on.

As lovers these two make a great match. These are both emotional Signs; in fact, the Sheep needs lots of love and admiration in order to maintain emotional equilibrium, and the Pig is just the Sign to serve as the Sheep's "safe harbor." The Sheep can seem like a loner, but this reputation comes from the simple fact that this Sign often finds it easier to keep its own, vibrant (mental) company than the unpredictable company of the real world. With the Pig, the Sheep will feel free to come out of hiding. The Pig is incredibly helpful and generous to a lover, since this Sign considers close relationships to be of utmost importance

If I Died Tomorrow...

If I left this world tomorrow, would anyone even care?
If I was never seen again, would you notice I wasn't there?
If my heart stopped beating in my chest,
And I laid down for that final rest
Would anyone hold my memory in there hearts, so dear?
Would anyone even shed a tear?
Knowing that I was nothing but part of your past,
And this glimpse of me would be your last.
Would you sit and think of the fun memories we did share?
Would you break down when you became aware,
That all those happy memories would be
The only thing you had left of me...

Me, Myself & I World

I am a Pig

PIG
1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007

Pigs are models of sincerity, purity, tolerance, and honor. When you first meet them, Pigs seem too good to be true. They are careful and caring, obliging and chivalrous. Put your trust in him, he won't let you down and he will never try to. The Pigs simply want to do everything right. Pigs are the people everyone admires most. Make a list of the Pigs in your life: aren't they the nicest, most loving and scrupulously caring people around? Pigs are born to give, to yield and to serve. Frankly speaking, most people take advantage of this Pig nature. Also, not only are Pigs easy to fool, they like it that way too. No matter how old they get, Pig people still only see and believe that all men/women are basically good. Pig people constantly sacrifice their own happiness and comfort for the sake of somebody else. The Pig is a splendid companion. If you have a lifetime Pig friend, don't think that your worries are over. Pigs are loyal, faithful and giving - only as long as they approve of you. In order to keep your lifetime Piggy friend, remember, never try to force your opinions on a Pig - A Pig rarely asks for help and cannot graciously accept it. The Pig doesn't say much - but when he does decide to speak, suddenly, nothing can stop him until he runs out of subjects. Like the Monkey, the Pig is intellectual - a character with a great thirst for knowledge. Some people claim that Pigs are snobbish. Manners, breeding and good taste are of enormous importance to them. In fact, pigs are aesthetic. Pigs are born with an excellent nose for style in everything. Food is another of Piggy's little sins. Pigs adore food, and after-dinner chocolates. The Pig often over-eats, but he eats with good taste. In relationship, Pig people are sensitive, sweet but naive, and caring. They are romantic and certainly are the marriage-type. But on the other hand, Pigs are also possessive, jealous and exclusive.

---

When encountering the Pig, we sense his or her quiet sincerity and purity. The Pig is so honest that he feels guilty for the slightest error, and he is more indulgent and forgiving of others than he is of himself. He is without artifice or pretense, and dislikes forcing himself on others or being the center of attention. Chivalrous, gallant, obliging, scrupulous to a fault, the Pig is naive, innocent, confident, and defenseless. He allows himself to be duped easily, accepts his own faults calmly, and those of others with tolerant understanding. He is incredibly sincere, almost to the point of doing himself harm, and always disarmed by the bad faith of others. He lies rarely, and then only to defend himself. Powerless against hypocrisy, he will often crucify himself in an attempt to justify his actions. He is an absolutely straight dealer and it's very rarely that he will accept a compromise. Ironically, though the Pig believes without question whatever anyone tells him, he is always finding it necessary to produce proof of what he himself asserts! People born in the Year of the Pig have a taste for la dolce vita. Possessing a strong sense of luxury, they can be extravagant and take great pleasure in pampering themselves and their loved ones; they delight in the stimulation of the senses. However, when they need to work they will get right to it. At these times a half-hearted attitude just won't do; where they're concerned, it's all or nothing. The Pig is a splendid companion, so much fun, and game for a risque evening. He doesn't say much, but when he does decide to speak, suddenly the barriers are down and nothing can stop him until the subject's exhausted. Like the Monkey, the Pig is intellectual, a character with a great thirst for knowledge. He reads a lot, but reads anything that happens to be around. Although he appears to be well read, the Pig's knowledge is only superficial. Referring to this, a Japanese proverb says that the Pig is "wide of face but narrow in the back." The Pig is sensitive, caring, and indulgent. Not only intelligent and cultured, the Pig also has a streak of bawdiness and earthiness. Their various indulgences can verge on gluttony. Unlike the conniving Machiavellian pigs of Animal Farm, Chinese Pigs tend to be helpless and insecure. During fat spells they suddenly lose all and are unable to defend themselves, much less attack others. Pigs in general are lucky but lazy. Pigs can be very practical, logical and down to earth. They may at times be considered somewhat cool and reserved because, blessed as they are with composure and self-control, they don't usually allow emotion to cloud the issue. They are cheerful and love company and social life. They find it very easy to make friends and also seem to hang on to them for life. For them the Pig is capable of the greatest sacrifices. He is extremely considerate of the chosen few who do merit his affection. The women of this sign like nothing better than to make presents for people and organize parties; they are marvelous hostesses. Whatever his ambitions may be, whatever the tasks and goals he has set himself, the Pig will do his duty with all the strength he is capable of, and that same strength can be an inner force to be reckoned with, a force that nothing can oppose. Once a Pig has come to a decision, nothing can stop him from carrying it out. But before he arrives at it, he spends ages weighing the pros and cons, which sometimes gives the impression that he is indecisive. Nothing could be further from the truth, but to make sure he is avoiding any possible complications, he will sometimes ponder for so long that he destroys his own case. Untiring workers, Pigs will succeed in their careers, especially if they are their own boss. Because they like to accumulate ancient objects and fine pictures, they might become art dealers, specializing in antiquities. Their aim is to live in relative affluence, both for themselves and their families, and to enjoy the pleasures of life. Materially, the Pig will always have all the necessities of life, regardless of his chosen career. Work and money in sufficient quantities seems to gravitate his way without his having to make any particular effort. People will help him all his life, and thanks to this help he will be able, if he wishes, to reach the highest heights in the financial world. Popular superstition in the East says that people help him thus just to fatten him up so he will make a better meal over the New Year. Because of this, the Pig may be overwary and trust nobody. If the Pig's birthdate is a long time before the traditional feasts, he will escape a lot of the disappointments in store for him. However, the closer it is to the Asiatic New Year, the more he will be betrayed, ridiculed, duped, and perhaps in the long run, eaten! Though generally tolerant and fairly placid people, when absolutely backed into a corner, Pigs can turn vicious. When they find that their friendship and good nature have been seriously abused, they will give no quarter and that friendship will somewhat unceremoniously be cut short. Perhaps they can be accused of exhibitionism, of being flirtatious and even licentious at times, but there is no doubt that Pigs in general are very good sorts -- honest, decent, generous, supportive, loyal to their friends, and thoroughly trustworthy. The first phase of the Pig's life will be relatively calm. During the second, every conceivable conjugal problem will be visited upon him. But whatever his troubles, the Pig, discreet and shy, will never ask anybody else for help; he'll try to get out of the mess by himself. His reticence in this respect may do him harm, for nobody will even suspect the torment he's going through. The Passionate Pig Above all else, Pigs are sensual, self-indulgent creatures. They adore anything that smacks of physical pleasure, whether it is gorging themselves with sweetmeats or idling a whole day away with their newfound heart throbs between their satin sheets. Passionate by nature, some younger Pigs could tend towards promiscuity while some of the older ones could well become bawdy and lascivious. Unfortunately for them, love seems somehow to befog many a Pig; when deeply smitten, their emotions become rather transparent and they can become putty in the hands of unscrupulous types who can induce them to behave quite out of character. They may often be deceived, often disappointed, often made a fool of ... and often loved. The female Pig makes a very good mother. Pigs are loving and loyal to their mates, and caring and considerate towards those they love. In any close, intimate relationship it is friendship that the Pig will value most. Settled with the right partner, these generous, warm hearted individuals will enjoy happy and contented lives, developing their talents within that supportive framework and devoting themselves completely to their family and their loved ones. With their simplicity of soul and their sensual appreciation of nature, the Pig always seeks the authentic and the true in personal relationships. The Pig would be well advised to share his or her life with those born under the sign of the Rabbit -- that's the surest way of avoiding arguments. They must keep out of the clutches of the Snake, who will make a complete slave out of the Pig in no time, enmeshing the Pig in his coils to the extent that the poor Pig loses all power of movement. The Ram will take advantage of him. Like the Rabbit, the Tiger and Rat are excellent partners for the Pig, but the Monkey is not honest enough for his taste. December is the month of the Pig. The time of the Pig is from 9:00 p.m. to 10:59 p.m.; their direction of orientation is north-northwest. The Pig's color is dark blue.

Compatibility
(1 - least compatible, 100 - most compatible)

Rat	88 - These two make marvelous mates
Ox	69 - Why not, it worth a try.
Tiger	77 - They are very different, but this will work.
Rabbit	91 - Very compatible. Everything will be good.
Dragon	94 - Most Dragon/Pig marriages last forever.
Snake	45 - The Pig can never please the Snake.
Horse	75 - This relationship worth a try.
Sheep	98 - One of the happiest possible combinations.
Monkey	81 - This could work. They admire each other.
Rooster	72 - The Pig is patient, this could work.
Dog	84 - They share their thoughts and feeling.
Pig	92 - An excellent match.

91 days later... On Friday the 13th Again

To commemorate the next Friday the 13th, 3 months later from Friday, the 13th of April 2012:

請你一定要比我幸福　才不枉費我狼狽退出
再痛也不說苦　愛不用抱歉來彌補
至少我能成全你的追逐
請記得你要比我幸福　才值得我對自己殘酷
我默默的倒數　最後再把你看清楚
看你眼裡的我好糢糊　慢慢被放逐
放心去追逐你的幸福　別管我願不願
孤不孤獨　都別在乎
只要你過得比我好
過得比我好
什麼事都難不倒
所有快樂在你身邊圍繞
你快不快乐 过得是否好呢 我这样想着
你在爱谁呢 谁在想你呢
是什麽在反覆着 让回忆都翻起了
你是遥远的 我是孤独的
我只好假装 我已不爱了
催眠自己我们不适合
我放开你了 我已不爱了
说一个谎在离别时刻
就当作最後是我不爱了
关上门以後 就算爱你又如何

91 days later since that fateful day... I bet your life is happier now, more carefree also and perhaps better without me by your side.
God bless anyway...

DYAC

L: I am missing a body part that most man have...

A: Which body part?

L: Erm... Hmm...

A: Yeah? Say lah!

L: Shy...

A: You saying or not? I am medically trained so what else in a medical field have I not seen?

L: Apenis.

A: Huh? You butch eh?

L: No, I had it when I am born but had to get it surgically removed.

A: You transvestite eh?

L: No, it got infected

A: Wow! Must be a bad infection that made you have to choose between your life and your penis.

L: Not my penis. 盲肠 lah.

A: Oh, appendix!

L: Yeah!

A: Lolx!

Suspicions Confirmed

It is confirmed that I have now another 'avid' reader for my blog. But the main reasons for following and reading this 'crappy and nonsensical' blog (according to him) is to monitor what I put up as well as type in this blog. Sadly, to your dismay, the truth still remains that this is my blog, hence, I am free to write or publish anything I deem fit, customized to my feelings and emotions. The fact remains that as long as I don't reveal your true identity or name your full name + NRIC number, you have no hold over me. The only thing you could do is to either stop reading my blog from henceforth, when you can bear it no more or just read and bottle up your anger towards me for publishing things aiming at u and our past relationship to yourself.


I have come to conclude that since you would be following my blog, I could also use this blog to 'speak' to you and update you on the progress of my life without you in my life: be it good things or bad things. Even if you have decided to stop following the blog, the blog would still serve its purpose for me to ventilate my feelings and frustrations in my life. So using the blog to 'speak' to you is just a bonus purpose as I have never expected to be interested in such, according to you, 'stupid, waste of time and nonsense' habit of mine.

Thus, as usual, I would dedicate this post to you, Mr J.Ng:
As you can see now that I really have no fear towards you. I am no longer the same Amelia, fearful of you, fearful of losing this marriage, fearful of you hurting me with your cruel words or fearful of you ignoring me/giving me cold war.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for reminding that I am not a perfect person and that I am no angel. Just to clarify, if you have been reading my past posts, I have never claimed to be perfect or an angel. Instead, I have been lamenting how hard I have tried to salvage this marriage and be a good wife to you.

Secondly, I would like to thank you for sharing me all those painful thoughts and directed anger you have been concealing all these years. Thank you for sharing your deepest, inner most hurt that you claimed that have killed our relationship. Thank you for telling me how 'noble' you have been as my boyfriend and subsequently, as my husband, in tolerating my unchangeable traits/character as well as my history, which you cannot accept.

Thirdly, I would like to thank you for admitting that you have been reading my blog. Although, I do not when you have started this 'habit' of tracking me and my life due to your own concern for privacy of yourself + your family. At least you have confirmed my suspicions of how you know where I had gone to recuperate my broken heart and when I actually have returned back to face this cruel divorce.

Fourthly, I do owe you a 'thank you' for ending the fake-ness you have gone through with me. I need to thank you for bursting my bubble of an everlasting marriage, based on true love and acceptance. Thank you for finally telling me that you had enough and was ready to kick me out of your life by mentioning and carrying out the divorce as promised.

Fifthly, I would like to thank you for being a gentleman so far in this divorce process. I hope you remain this way until the final papers for divorce to be official and until I am totally free from you.

Sixthly, I would like you to know that although there has been time throughout my day where I have been thinking of us and u, my 'single' life, without you has been good. I do not have anymore self-reservations to fulfill any duties to maintain a failing marriage, praying for a miracle daily for our marriage, trying my best to please you and your temper. My life so far has been spending going out whenever I like, doing whatever I like, enjoying alcoholic drinks without the fear of your disapproval, going out after work and coming home late without the fear of anyone gossiping or waking someone up from their slumber. Of course, there are times when you do appear in my mind and I do still the hurt from the fact of us ending up in a divorce but I guess, we both are happier now. I am sure you don't go through as much sadness and pain as I do, 'cause you are the one who chose this path and 'cause you are one served the papers.

Lastly, I would respect your request to stop all contacts with you the moment we settle our divorce, to allow your parents and you to fully move on. I would follow your request to even if I meet u or your family or relatives on the streets, to totally ignore them.

Although, you didn't wish me all the best in the future. I would still wish all the best for you in your future endeavours and life. My sincere apologies for EVERYTHING you blame me for and for your HATRED harboured towards me.

Latest Addiction Since 13 April 2012

Since my departure from him, I have learnt to pick up drinking Moscatos and cocktails. Felt this liberated feeling every time I drank alcohol.
Everytime I feel emo or depressed, I would walk into the nearest supermarket and grab a moscato...

Haiz...

Jar of Hearts

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love
I loved the most

I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Running round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?