Don't love me because you think I am different
Don't love me because I know what a lie it would be
Don't love me because I am lost
Don't love me to be dying in a war of regret
Don't love me to hold me back because I want to soar above the sky
Don't love me to run away from your own sadness
I want you to love me because you love me
Love = Acceptance for who I am and not for who you want me to be
About Me
- Mint + Bitter Chocolate = Heaven
- Just the blunt and honest me. Just someone who needs to air her inner most feelings and thoughts. Just a female who suffers from a crazy life journey, with lots of ups and down in her life. Just another moronic human being who wishes for peace and serenity in life one day.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Someone Like You
To Mr Jeff Ng:
I vividly remember how you told me that I would never find another guy like you ever in my life again. I remember that you would always say this same statement to me every time we argued and the last time you said this to me was on 13 April 2012, the day I also decided to leave you for good.
[ Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said: "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah. ]
Well, all I gotta say to you is that, perhaps you are right. I would never find another guy like you. But I'll definitely find a guy who is better than you, a guy who would treat me better than you. A real gentleman who knows how to make me smile more than cry. A real man who knows how to cherish and treasure me for who I am naturally. A man whom I can laugh with and enjoy witty conversations with. Someone who is more worthy of my love as compared to you.
Anyway, kindly expedite all divorce proceedings smoothly as I am moving on without you. More determine than ever too.
Of course, I also pray for the best for you and hopefully, you would find someone better than me... Good luck.
From: Me
I vividly remember how you told me that I would never find another guy like you ever in my life again. I remember that you would always say this same statement to me every time we argued and the last time you said this to me was on 13 April 2012, the day I also decided to leave you for good.
[ Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said: "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah. ]
Well, all I gotta say to you is that, perhaps you are right. I would never find another guy like you. But I'll definitely find a guy who is better than you, a guy who would treat me better than you. A real gentleman who knows how to make me smile more than cry. A real man who knows how to cherish and treasure me for who I am naturally. A man whom I can laugh with and enjoy witty conversations with. Someone who is more worthy of my love as compared to you.
Anyway, kindly expedite all divorce proceedings smoothly as I am moving on without you. More determine than ever too.
Of course, I also pray for the best for you and hopefully, you would find someone better than me... Good luck.
From: Me
Friday, May 11, 2012
Hiatus
To all avid readers of my blog:
I have decided to bring a short and brief pause to my blog for the time-being. I promise to come back and start blogging again once my divorce issue has been settled. Thanks to all who has been using the blog to keep themselves update with my daily emotions as well as life.
Ciao folks :)
Love, me.
PS: To Mr Jeff Ng, I have figured that most likely you also have been using my blog as a form of 'spy' on my daily life too. That is how you know my whereabouts and how I have been coping without you in my life. So now that I have brought a short hiatus to my blog until I have resolved my issues with you, then would I be updating this blog as usual. By then, you won't have any form of control on my life or should I say, you wouldn't have any rights to 'stalk' me. Anyway, thanks for all the concern that you have given despite our differences now. By the way, I didn't think that you believed in blogs too... Good-bye.
I have decided to bring a short and brief pause to my blog for the time-being. I promise to come back and start blogging again once my divorce issue has been settled. Thanks to all who has been using the blog to keep themselves update with my daily emotions as well as life.
Ciao folks :)
Love, me.
PS: To Mr Jeff Ng, I have figured that most likely you also have been using my blog as a form of 'spy' on my daily life too. That is how you know my whereabouts and how I have been coping without you in my life. So now that I have brought a short hiatus to my blog until I have resolved my issues with you, then would I be updating this blog as usual. By then, you won't have any form of control on my life or should I say, you wouldn't have any rights to 'stalk' me. Anyway, thanks for all the concern that you have given despite our differences now. By the way, I didn't think that you believed in blogs too... Good-bye.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Leaving In Less Than 24hours
As I embark on my trip tomorrow, I pray with all my heart sincerely that:
May God bless my trip to be safe and peaceful
May God allow me to sort out my thoughts and return with a clearer mind during this trip
May God give me strength to let go of my sadness during this trip
May God guide me not to get lost in Melbourne when I am alone exploring places
May God heal my deep wounds and regain my own confidence to bravely face the challenges when I am back from this trip
May God let me enjoy my birthday on 12th May whilst on the trip to Great Ocean Road
May God distract my mood and time on 10th May
Amen.
*Goodbye Baku (I pray this the last time I would ever address you in this way). Hopefully when I am back, I would have the stronger determination to face the divorce. I know you have moved on without me and perhaps, even eager to get rid of me but, I do hope you will leave me alone until I am brave enough to proceed with the inevitable divorce with you*
May God bless my trip to be safe and peaceful
May God allow me to sort out my thoughts and return with a clearer mind during this trip
May God give me strength to let go of my sadness during this trip
May God guide me not to get lost in Melbourne when I am alone exploring places
May God heal my deep wounds and regain my own confidence to bravely face the challenges when I am back from this trip
May God let me enjoy my birthday on 12th May whilst on the trip to Great Ocean Road
May God distract my mood and time on 10th May
Amen.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Self Explanatory Post
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Emo Episode After Midnight
時間 讓一切鬆動
包括我們雙手
我的表情 不會騙人
是真的幸福過
可惜 熱情淡出後 難救
當眼淚 讓愛漸漸生鏽
逞強 能不能夠撐過寂寞
我的青春 它準時來過 謝謝你愛過
很足夠 我並不奢望 天長地久
我真的不怪你
無法繼續
誤點的愛 最後只剩可惜
包括我們雙手
我的表情 不會騙人
是真的幸福過
可惜 熱情淡出後 難救
當眼淚 讓愛漸漸生鏽
逞強 能不能夠撐過寂寞
我的青春 它準時來過 謝謝你愛過
很足夠 我並不奢望 天長地久
我真的不怪你
無法繼續
誤點的愛 最後只剩可惜
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Midnight Tears
Almost every day at this hour would I lie in bed, alone and away from my parents, tears would roll down my face. As much as I try to conceal my pain and sadness through out the day so as to show that I am coping well with this impending divorce. It is only at night, when I am alone do I allow my self-conscience overwhelm me. It is then do I reveal to myself the real pain inside me. The kind of heart wrenching pain of disappointment, missing and sadness that is hidden away from public eye.
Why do I still tear at the thought of the words he had said that pierced right through my heart? Why do I still allow myself to cry for a man who had let me down in love? Why do I still harbor thoughts of him in good times? Have I forgiven him for all the hurt that he has caused me and for all the heartache I have been nursing?
I am not a heartless person. 12 years as a couple, out of which, 6 years as husband and wife. How do you expect me to just let go of those feelings and walk away, pretending that nothing has happened? How do you think I can just release this love I have for him within these few weeks? But I have to be strong for myself, for my parents, for my patients and lastly, deceive myself that life goes on as normal. God knows how many times am I tempted to message him or call him but restricted myself knowing that it is all over and nothing can be done to undo the damage. God knows how much pain I bear in my heart just to pretend that love doesn't exist between us. I admit that love doesn't fully exist now, it is now trusting issues. I can't bring myself to trust him to handle my devotion and love anymore. But that does not equate that I have no more feelings for him.
Perhaps, he has moved on and is happy now that he is free once again like a single man, without anyone to 'control' him or 'tie him down' with marriage. Perhaps, he has really forgotten of the love between us. Perhaps, he really is a heartless man, who doesn't see how much I love and trusted him. Only God knows his heart and what is on his mind. There are certain question that would never be asked and answers that I would never get. Let's just leave it as that.
My bitter and broken heart has to be mend. It is only a matter how long would I take now to recover from this failed marriage experience. It is only a question of how much pain can my heart take before I really suffer from depression. It is only time that will tell how well I am coping. I have always said I am fine these days, actually I am not. I just pray for strength to deal with this experience. I just pray that this would just end smoothly, without any further un-necessary hurt or drama.
Life has to move on. Time will never wait for me to heal before passing on to the next second. Cruel.
Why do I still tear at the thought of the words he had said that pierced right through my heart? Why do I still allow myself to cry for a man who had let me down in love? Why do I still harbor thoughts of him in good times? Have I forgiven him for all the hurt that he has caused me and for all the heartache I have been nursing?
I am not a heartless person. 12 years as a couple, out of which, 6 years as husband and wife. How do you expect me to just let go of those feelings and walk away, pretending that nothing has happened? How do you think I can just release this love I have for him within these few weeks? But I have to be strong for myself, for my parents, for my patients and lastly, deceive myself that life goes on as normal. God knows how many times am I tempted to message him or call him but restricted myself knowing that it is all over and nothing can be done to undo the damage. God knows how much pain I bear in my heart just to pretend that love doesn't exist between us. I admit that love doesn't fully exist now, it is now trusting issues. I can't bring myself to trust him to handle my devotion and love anymore. But that does not equate that I have no more feelings for him.
Perhaps, he has moved on and is happy now that he is free once again like a single man, without anyone to 'control' him or 'tie him down' with marriage. Perhaps, he has really forgotten of the love between us. Perhaps, he really is a heartless man, who doesn't see how much I love and trusted him. Only God knows his heart and what is on his mind. There are certain question that would never be asked and answers that I would never get. Let's just leave it as that.
My bitter and broken heart has to be mend. It is only a matter how long would I take now to recover from this failed marriage experience. It is only a question of how much pain can my heart take before I really suffer from depression. It is only time that will tell how well I am coping. I have always said I am fine these days, actually I am not. I just pray for strength to deal with this experience. I just pray that this would just end smoothly, without any further un-necessary hurt or drama.
Life has to move on. Time will never wait for me to heal before passing on to the next second. Cruel.
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