Life Of Having A Cancer-Strickened Granny

I never know how patients' relatives and loved on truly felt when their loved ones were/are diagnosed with cancer. Finally, I do.

It is this thought that keeps reminded you that their days are numbered and you fear that time is running out.

Granny has been diagnosed with Stage 4, Colon Cancer, which has metastasized to large part of her liver and part of her lungs. Thus, currently she is on an absolute no fiber diet and need to be closely monitored for fecal blockage and ascities.
Although she is still fit now, she isn't fit enough to even walk to the toilet without panting for breaths. She isn't even able to eat her usual portion of food as compared to the beginning of the year. Her skin integrity is getting worst.

It is at times like these that everyone in the family is FINALLY making good use of the remaining 6mths-1yr time frame to treasure her presence and to spend time with her. Even I am guilty of it. I used to hold off visiting her to like few months once but now, I have making it a point to drop by her house once a week. I feel like I need to see her once a week and assess her condition to ensure that she isn't deteriorating. I feel I want to act like her palliative nurse to ensure even if she needs to go, she would go painlessly, without any sufferings. Being in this line and having my specialization in Oncology is paying off. At least, I know what to look out for and how to manage confidently should there be any complications related to her cancer progression.

I feel like the pressure is on me to facilitate a smooth cancer progression journey for her. Although, I would not bear to let her go but I pray for the Lord to have mercy on her and if He does need her to go, let it be swift and as painless as possible. I pray that she would have to suffer for more than 10 seconds.

She is 84 now and if she has to go back to the Lord, she has to go. However, I just hope when that day comes, I would be strong to accept her death.

Since her cancer diagnosis, I have not shed much tears. Not that I am numbed, not that I am unfeeling, neither is it that I am not upset by the news, it is just that I have to be strong for the family and for her...