Dear Lord,
If you need to bring my granny home with you, kindly make it swift and painless. Please do so ASAP and don't let her suffer any more complications before her death.
Amen & Thank You
About Me
- Mint + Bitter Chocolate = Heaven
- Just the blunt and honest me. Just someone who needs to air her inner most feelings and thoughts. Just a female who suffers from a crazy life journey, with lots of ups and down in her life. Just another moronic human being who wishes for peace and serenity in life one day.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Suicide of An Acquintance
Last Wednesday, there has been news of a Myanmar nurse, from the neighboring ward that she jumped off a building from the 4th floor and died.
It was said that her boyfriend had cheated on her with her best friend. She even wrote a letter to her best friend pleading her to take care of the boyfriend and even 'instructed' regarding the likes and dislikes of the guy. So touching and sad.
Her body has since been flown back to Myanmar and prayers for her would be conducted tomorrow in Myanmar.
Some people should say that she is foolish and silly to have ended her life due to love matters and it was inconsiderate of her to commit suicide without thinking of how upset her parents would be. Some would say that she was too blinded by love and by dying would just means that she gave up on her boyfriend, allowing him to be live life scot-free and continue romancing with her best friend. In my eyes, I am touched by her self-sacrificing ways to even go to the extend of writing 'instructions' to her best friend on how to care and keep the guy interested but yet I feel she is silly. With her death, the best friend and the boyfriend would not only be granted their wish but they can also be living the rest of their lives in fear and guilt. Her death is also unfair for her parents and for those who loves her as a close friend, sister, cousin, granddaughter and lastly, colleague. Yet, I can somehow empathize her sadness and anger of losing her boyfriend to someone whom is your best friend.
Anyway, now that she is gone, I pray that she would be happier where-ever she is and bless those who truly loves her and misses her. She was only 22 and had a life-long journey ahead of her but now she has eternity in Heaven, I hope...
God bless her soul.
It was said that her boyfriend had cheated on her with her best friend. She even wrote a letter to her best friend pleading her to take care of the boyfriend and even 'instructed' regarding the likes and dislikes of the guy. So touching and sad.
Her body has since been flown back to Myanmar and prayers for her would be conducted tomorrow in Myanmar.
Some people should say that she is foolish and silly to have ended her life due to love matters and it was inconsiderate of her to commit suicide without thinking of how upset her parents would be. Some would say that she was too blinded by love and by dying would just means that she gave up on her boyfriend, allowing him to be live life scot-free and continue romancing with her best friend. In my eyes, I am touched by her self-sacrificing ways to even go to the extend of writing 'instructions' to her best friend on how to care and keep the guy interested but yet I feel she is silly. With her death, the best friend and the boyfriend would not only be granted their wish but they can also be living the rest of their lives in fear and guilt. Her death is also unfair for her parents and for those who loves her as a close friend, sister, cousin, granddaughter and lastly, colleague. Yet, I can somehow empathize her sadness and anger of losing her boyfriend to someone whom is your best friend.
Anyway, now that she is gone, I pray that she would be happier where-ever she is and bless those who truly loves her and misses her. She was only 22 and had a life-long journey ahead of her but now she has eternity in Heaven, I hope...
God bless her soul.
Friday, November 11, 2011
11.11.11
Started the day with an argument regarding his insistence to go to JB on 12.11.11 with few colleagues for day to explore the place and due to my insecurities I objected. But instead he rebuked me by saying that he wasn't asking me for permission to go and he was just informing me of his plans, so it doesn't matter if I said yes or no.
WTF!
Cold war now... Fuck it!
WTF!
Cold war now... Fuck it!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Life Of Having A Cancer-Strickened Granny
I never know how patients' relatives and loved on truly felt when their loved ones were/are diagnosed with cancer. Finally, I do.
It is this thought that keeps reminded you that their days are numbered and you fear that time is running out.
Granny has been diagnosed with Stage 4, Colon Cancer, which has metastasized to large part of her liver and part of her lungs. Thus, currently she is on an absolute no fiber diet and need to be closely monitored for fecal blockage and ascities.
Although she is still fit now, she isn't fit enough to even walk to the toilet without panting for breaths. She isn't even able to eat her usual portion of food as compared to the beginning of the year. Her skin integrity is getting worst.
It is at times like these that everyone in the family is FINALLY making good use of the remaining 6mths-1yr time frame to treasure her presence and to spend time with her. Even I am guilty of it. I used to hold off visiting her to like few months once but now, I have making it a point to drop by her house once a week. I feel like I need to see her once a week and assess her condition to ensure that she isn't deteriorating. I feel I want to act like her palliative nurse to ensure even if she needs to go, she would go painlessly, without any sufferings. Being in this line and having my specialization in Oncology is paying off. At least, I know what to look out for and how to manage confidently should there be any complications related to her cancer progression.
I feel like the pressure is on me to facilitate a smooth cancer progression journey for her. Although, I would not bear to let her go but I pray for the Lord to have mercy on her and if He does need her to go, let it be swift and as painless as possible. I pray that she would have to suffer for more than 10 seconds.
She is 84 now and if she has to go back to the Lord, she has to go. However, I just hope when that day comes, I would be strong to accept her death.
Since her cancer diagnosis, I have not shed much tears. Not that I am numbed, not that I am unfeeling, neither is it that I am not upset by the news, it is just that I have to be strong for the family and for her...
It is this thought that keeps reminded you that their days are numbered and you fear that time is running out.
Granny has been diagnosed with Stage 4, Colon Cancer, which has metastasized to large part of her liver and part of her lungs. Thus, currently she is on an absolute no fiber diet and need to be closely monitored for fecal blockage and ascities.
Although she is still fit now, she isn't fit enough to even walk to the toilet without panting for breaths. She isn't even able to eat her usual portion of food as compared to the beginning of the year. Her skin integrity is getting worst.
It is at times like these that everyone in the family is FINALLY making good use of the remaining 6mths-1yr time frame to treasure her presence and to spend time with her. Even I am guilty of it. I used to hold off visiting her to like few months once but now, I have making it a point to drop by her house once a week. I feel like I need to see her once a week and assess her condition to ensure that she isn't deteriorating. I feel I want to act like her palliative nurse to ensure even if she needs to go, she would go painlessly, without any sufferings. Being in this line and having my specialization in Oncology is paying off. At least, I know what to look out for and how to manage confidently should there be any complications related to her cancer progression.
I feel like the pressure is on me to facilitate a smooth cancer progression journey for her. Although, I would not bear to let her go but I pray for the Lord to have mercy on her and if He does need her to go, let it be swift and as painless as possible. I pray that she would have to suffer for more than 10 seconds.
She is 84 now and if she has to go back to the Lord, she has to go. However, I just hope when that day comes, I would be strong to accept her death.
Since her cancer diagnosis, I have not shed much tears. Not that I am numbed, not that I am unfeeling, neither is it that I am not upset by the news, it is just that I have to be strong for the family and for her...
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Dilemma Over Degree Studies
Have been contemplating whether I should postpone my degree studies until my granny had passed away for the fear of being unable to cope with multi-tasking.
Currently, granny's health is still manageable but I can see that she is slowly deteriorating and the end would be quite near. Moreover the doctors has given as a 6months to 1 year prognosis period, provided nothing drastic happens. So which means her condition would most likely to go down hill after a period of time. I have self nominated myself to be the main advisor of the family as well as palliative 'nurse' should she need any palliative care during period when she deteriorates and needs palliative management. I would predict that when that time comes, I would practically need to be available for at least weekly house visits and frequent phone advise.
As such, I am worried that I would not be able to cope with studying, working and caring for my granny all at once. Not to forget my new house would also be ready by mid to end of 2012, which also coincides with my 6-12mths prognosis period. So I am not sure if I would be able to cope with these things happening all around the same time.
Yet, if I postpone my studies, I wouldn't be able to fulfill my own wish for my granny to witness me attaining my degree when she is alive. Although she doesn't say so but from young, she has always encouraged me to study as much as I can and if possible go to 'university'.
This year when I graduated from my Advanced Diploma, she didn't manage to attend the graduation ceremony, so I really want her to see me wear the mortar board when I do graduate from my degree course. She would be like one of my few motivational factors why I must pass my degree course.
I am so not sure if I should defer my studies to 2013 instead??? We'll see and play by ear.
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