I feel so restricted... First, I much want to vote for the opposition party for the up-coming elections only to be told that as a government worker (civil servant) it is unwise to vote for opposition. It is said that although votes are anonymous but behind scene it may not be so and thus, if a civil servant votes for the opposition party instead of PAP, his/her future promotions would be indirectly affected. Crap!
Secondly, due to some mistake of a doctor and junior nurse, my patient had to suffer much pain before her death. When I posted comments on my Facebook, ther response I got from my Assistant Director of Nursing and Nursing Manager was to remove the post immediately and that the both of them wanted to speak to me on Tuesday regarding this post! Crap! No freedom of speech! Restricted to post stuff on MY OWN Facebook page even!
Thirdly, as I was doing my night duty tonight, I slept at 4am the very morning and woke up for breakfast with my husband at 7.30am, went back to sleep at 9am. By 7pm, I was hearing my mother in law gossiping that I am lazy, sleeping the whole day without waking up to pee, eat or even drink water. She even commented that the way I sleep is worst than being on sleeping pills. She also said I was wierd, sleeping so much that I neglected my lunch. Unknown to her is that I didn't sleep the night before and need to sleep in the whole day in preparation for my night duty. I mean, what's her problem? I need sleep and should be given the freedom to sleep in as late as I want and wake up in the evening for work, right? I don't have the luxury like others to be entitled to long weekends, work from 8-6pm daily, 5 days work week and routine lifestyle. I am sorry, I don't have such beautiful life anymore. I work on distruptive shift duties and at times don't get to sleep at night like others do. Now, I am being resticted to sleep and purposely wake up to pee, eat or drink water just because you want me to? No way! Crap!
I just hate being resticted with my lifestyle and even down to whatever I put in my Facebook status has to be 'approved'... Let's see what lecture I would get from my Assistant Director of Nursing and my Nursing Manager on Tuesday... CRAP to the MAX!
About Me
- Mint + Bitter Chocolate = Heaven
- Just the blunt and honest me. Just someone who needs to air her inner most feelings and thoughts. Just a female who suffers from a crazy life journey, with lots of ups and down in her life. Just another moronic human being who wishes for peace and serenity in life one day.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Stressed/Burn Out
Been having difficulties at work lately... Maybe I am getting a bit burned-out resulting in my temper has been really short-fused, getting a cranky easily and kind of dragging my feet to work. I feel very dis-respected and unappreciated at work as well as being 'drained' or 'squeezed' dry by my manager.
Problems faced at work include:
1) I have been working back to back weekend night duty for 3 consecutive weeks, giving myself only 1 pathetic day of rest per week. This 1 day of rest is for me to do my house-hold chores, meet up with friends and to meet my parents.
PS: I have to do frequent nights as I have few colleagues are excused from night duty due to family commitments, health reasons and those pregnant staff are automatically exempted from night duty.
2) My manager has placed me, without my consent, in some PIP (Practice Improvement Project). She just nominated my name into this project and plainly told me to take up this 'challenge' as the project leader needed a nursing staff in his project in preventing blood transfusion wastage.
3) My manager knows I can't handle morning duties as I would get 'anxiety' attacks the night before, hence rendering me unable to sleep, affecting my health and performances at work. However, she still places me few morning duties, while my other colleagues, who has excuse not to do night shift/duty gets their wishes. Do I really did to see a doctor to diagnose myself as 'anxiety disorder' just so that I am excused from morning duty?
4) My manager keeps reminding me that I am the 'Senior' of the ward based on experience and qualifications and wishes me to uphold the 'Senior' attitude when dealing with my less experienced or newer staff. Yet, when I do correct their mistakes outwardly to attempt to 'discipline' them for poor attitude at work, I am being held back by her and the staff 'escapes' the disciplinary actions or 'scolding' from me. This has led my newer or less experienced staff to walk away scot-free and they tend to lose their respect for me. I am pissed! You expect me to maintain standards as a 'Senior', yet I can't discipline when errors are being made.
5) The above event has led to me being 'disrespected' and 'ignored' at work. I even had less experienced staff telling me, "You are not even an SSN, so don't even tell me what to do, 'cause we are same rank!"
6) These few weeks, patient load has been high and the turnover rates for admissions and discharges have been high. The ward work-flow is like mad these days and everyone at work is also facing burn-out or stressed related health issues. Junior staff has been throwing MCs when they are tired out and my manager expects 'Seniors' like me and my other capable colleagues to work like mad. Then, when we suffer burn-out and fall sick, we are counselled for our high MC rates.
7) For the past 9 months, I have been voicing out my unhappiness to work shift and have requested to revert back to my office hours duties to my manager. Her reply always comes as 'No Vacancies' or 'The ward needs people like you'. However, she is sending other staffs who doesn't enjoy working office hours to temporarily fill in vacancies at my previous office hour position on a 3 months rotation. I really don't see why she can't let go of me and allow me to willing fill up this office hour position instead?
Due to all the poor management and high stressed levels, many capable staff are also thinking of resigning... Perhaps, it is time for me to move on too after July 2012, when my bond ends...
Problems faced at work include:
1) I have been working back to back weekend night duty for 3 consecutive weeks, giving myself only 1 pathetic day of rest per week. This 1 day of rest is for me to do my house-hold chores, meet up with friends and to meet my parents.
PS: I have to do frequent nights as I have few colleagues are excused from night duty due to family commitments, health reasons and those pregnant staff are automatically exempted from night duty.
2) My manager has placed me, without my consent, in some PIP (Practice Improvement Project). She just nominated my name into this project and plainly told me to take up this 'challenge' as the project leader needed a nursing staff in his project in preventing blood transfusion wastage.
3) My manager knows I can't handle morning duties as I would get 'anxiety' attacks the night before, hence rendering me unable to sleep, affecting my health and performances at work. However, she still places me few morning duties, while my other colleagues, who has excuse not to do night shift/duty gets their wishes. Do I really did to see a doctor to diagnose myself as 'anxiety disorder' just so that I am excused from morning duty?
4) My manager keeps reminding me that I am the 'Senior' of the ward based on experience and qualifications and wishes me to uphold the 'Senior' attitude when dealing with my less experienced or newer staff. Yet, when I do correct their mistakes outwardly to attempt to 'discipline' them for poor attitude at work, I am being held back by her and the staff 'escapes' the disciplinary actions or 'scolding' from me. This has led my newer or less experienced staff to walk away scot-free and they tend to lose their respect for me. I am pissed! You expect me to maintain standards as a 'Senior', yet I can't discipline when errors are being made.
5) The above event has led to me being 'disrespected' and 'ignored' at work. I even had less experienced staff telling me, "You are not even an SSN, so don't even tell me what to do, 'cause we are same rank!"
6) These few weeks, patient load has been high and the turnover rates for admissions and discharges have been high. The ward work-flow is like mad these days and everyone at work is also facing burn-out or stressed related health issues. Junior staff has been throwing MCs when they are tired out and my manager expects 'Seniors' like me and my other capable colleagues to work like mad. Then, when we suffer burn-out and fall sick, we are counselled for our high MC rates.
7) For the past 9 months, I have been voicing out my unhappiness to work shift and have requested to revert back to my office hours duties to my manager. Her reply always comes as 'No Vacancies' or 'The ward needs people like you'. However, she is sending other staffs who doesn't enjoy working office hours to temporarily fill in vacancies at my previous office hour position on a 3 months rotation. I really don't see why she can't let go of me and allow me to willing fill up this office hour position instead?
Due to all the poor management and high stressed levels, many capable staff are also thinking of resigning... Perhaps, it is time for me to move on too after July 2012, when my bond ends...
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
RUDENESS 2 THE MAX NEWBIE
Example 1
Me: XJ, could you please come over and help Narin with the transfer of patient for scan now?
XJ: (turns out & walks off, ignoring)
Me: XJ! Narin needs your help right now.
XJ: (turns back and shouted back at me) WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?! I AM VERY BUSY NOW! (walks away again...)
Example 2
Me: XJ, you did this procedure the wrong way.
XJ: What do you mean?
Me: This thing should be done using xxx method and in xxx way. The way you did it is wrong, not aseptic. Will cause infection to the patient.
XJ: WHY ARE YOU ALL ALWAYS PICKING ON ME?!
Me: I am not picking on you. I am trying to teach you the right to do things around. You are new to the ward and to S'pore practice, so people have to correct you when you do things not right. You have to learn from your mistakes.
XJ: YOU ALL ARE ALWAYS FINDING FAULT WITH ME! NO MATTER WHAT I DO, YOU ALL MUST ALWAYS HAVE A SAY IN IT! (stomps away...)
Example 3
While handing over of report...
Me: Who re-cannulated the patient? What happened to the old cannula?
XJ: (Blank stare)
Me: Do you know who re-cannulated the patient and what happened to the old cannula?
XJ: I don't care...
Example 4
XJ splashes water on floor on purpose in bid to 'flick' water out of the cup...
Me: You know you shouldn't do that? The ward is filled with patients. By splashing the water on the floor, you create a hazard for a fall to happen. What if a patient falls? Moreover, in the ward we also have pregnant staff, can you imagine what would happen if they fall?
XJ: Never mind, it doesn't matter... (walks off)
Example 5
XJ created a medication error, she administers a high dosage of insulin when a patient is due for operation and is kept fasting from 12 midnight the night before, therefore causing a dangerous dip in the patient's blood sugar level, requiring immediate medical intervention...
Me: XJ, I think you owe KW an apology for the mistake u have made.
XJ: I don't understand why I have to apologize to her?
Me: Well, she was supposed to 'take care' of you this morning and due to both your negligence, you created an error by giving the insulin. Now, she was the one who counter-signs your administration of insulin, so in the eyes of the law, you both have committed an error and if need be, both of you are punishable by law. So, you have indirectly dragged her into your mistake. Understand? Anyway, she is very upset about this matter and is crying in the pantry. Perhaps, you would like to apologize and comfort her later?
XJ: Why should I? If she is such a crybaby and enjoys crying at such a small matter, it is still of no use if I apologize to her?!
Me: Ok, fine. If you don't feel obligated to apologize to her. I would prefer to you to at least do proper documentation of the incident in the patient's casefile. This would ensure staff on the preceding to take special note of her blood sugar level. As you written English is not very good, I would suggest to write down what you are intending to write in the casefile on a piece of paper as a draft and let KW vet through it before you pen it down into the casefile.
XJ: (blank stare)
Me: Do you understand what I say?
XJ: OF COURSE! I AM NOT AS IRRESPONSIBLE AS WHAT YOU THINK! (continues to do her things...)
Me: XJ, could you please come over and help Narin with the transfer of patient for scan now?
XJ: (turns out & walks off, ignoring)
Me: XJ! Narin needs your help right now.
XJ: (turns back and shouted back at me) WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?! I AM VERY BUSY NOW! (walks away again...)
Example 2
Me: XJ, you did this procedure the wrong way.
XJ: What do you mean?
Me: This thing should be done using xxx method and in xxx way. The way you did it is wrong, not aseptic. Will cause infection to the patient.
XJ: WHY ARE YOU ALL ALWAYS PICKING ON ME?!
Me: I am not picking on you. I am trying to teach you the right to do things around. You are new to the ward and to S'pore practice, so people have to correct you when you do things not right. You have to learn from your mistakes.
XJ: YOU ALL ARE ALWAYS FINDING FAULT WITH ME! NO MATTER WHAT I DO, YOU ALL MUST ALWAYS HAVE A SAY IN IT! (stomps away...)
Example 3
While handing over of report...
Me: Who re-cannulated the patient? What happened to the old cannula?
XJ: (Blank stare)
Me: Do you know who re-cannulated the patient and what happened to the old cannula?
XJ: I don't care...
Example 4
XJ splashes water on floor on purpose in bid to 'flick' water out of the cup...
Me: You know you shouldn't do that? The ward is filled with patients. By splashing the water on the floor, you create a hazard for a fall to happen. What if a patient falls? Moreover, in the ward we also have pregnant staff, can you imagine what would happen if they fall?
XJ: Never mind, it doesn't matter... (walks off)
Example 5
XJ created a medication error, she administers a high dosage of insulin when a patient is due for operation and is kept fasting from 12 midnight the night before, therefore causing a dangerous dip in the patient's blood sugar level, requiring immediate medical intervention...
Me: XJ, I think you owe KW an apology for the mistake u have made.
XJ: I don't understand why I have to apologize to her?
Me: Well, she was supposed to 'take care' of you this morning and due to both your negligence, you created an error by giving the insulin. Now, she was the one who counter-signs your administration of insulin, so in the eyes of the law, you both have committed an error and if need be, both of you are punishable by law. So, you have indirectly dragged her into your mistake. Understand? Anyway, she is very upset about this matter and is crying in the pantry. Perhaps, you would like to apologize and comfort her later?
XJ: Why should I? If she is such a crybaby and enjoys crying at such a small matter, it is still of no use if I apologize to her?!
Me: Ok, fine. If you don't feel obligated to apologize to her. I would prefer to you to at least do proper documentation of the incident in the patient's casefile. This would ensure staff on the preceding to take special note of her blood sugar level. As you written English is not very good, I would suggest to write down what you are intending to write in the casefile on a piece of paper as a draft and let KW vet through it before you pen it down into the casefile.
XJ: (blank stare)
Me: Do you understand what I say?
XJ: OF COURSE! I AM NOT AS IRRESPONSIBLE AS WHAT YOU THINK! (continues to do her things...)
Friday, April 8, 2011
Happy Birthday To My Baku
He turns 32 this year... 'Old' man already! Haha! 10th time celebrating his birthday.
He already his birthday present 2 weeks back. I have bought him a mountain bike (bicycle not motorbike) which cost $250. Tonight's celebration would be a nice dinner at Jack's Place and perhaps catching a movie thereafter.
Happy birthday to him...
He already his birthday present 2 weeks back. I have bought him a mountain bike (bicycle not motorbike) which cost $250. Tonight's celebration would be a nice dinner at Jack's Place and perhaps catching a movie thereafter.
Happy birthday to him...
Friday, April 1, 2011
Random 'Before I Sleep' Thoughts
As I lay in bed next to the man whom I had entrusted my next decades of happiness in, I begin to think of the good old times, reminiscing the first day we chatted on MIRC, talked on the phone, met for dinner, held hands, kissed, all the way to where we are today. This road of relationship wasn't smooth. It was full of highs and downs, ranging from parental objections to almost ending it all due to exasperation. But I am glad that we managed to 'conquer' all the obstacles that almost destroyed us.
Not many people knows exactly we went through. Only we, ourselves, know every obstacles that stood in our way and how hard we fought to keep this relationship going till what it is today. Although those flames of romance has sort of been extinguished over the time, we still have our own ways to show that we still care and love for each other.
Next month, we walk into 11 years since we been a couple... It may sound short to some and long to some. But to me, these 11 years wasn't a walk in the park. I had suffered a lot. I cried a lot. I almost wanted to give up and to walk away. I've been through lots of pain. I have been jeered at for loving him. I was mocked at for choosing him instead of other guys. He too, have been mocked and jeered at for being with me by his own friends. Yet, today, we still stand firm on our own mutual belief in each other that we are meant for one another.
If I had a choice to choose once more. I would still choose him and still want to walk down the same path we did years ago. Of course, I would change and prevented a mistake for and paid dearly for. I won't make that silly mistake that affected my relationship with him. I would not allow myself to fall into that pit-hole again.
Above all, I still love him to bits and may time prove to me that all my love invested would be worth effort. May death do us apart. Amen.
Not many people knows exactly we went through. Only we, ourselves, know every obstacles that stood in our way and how hard we fought to keep this relationship going till what it is today. Although those flames of romance has sort of been extinguished over the time, we still have our own ways to show that we still care and love for each other.
Next month, we walk into 11 years since we been a couple... It may sound short to some and long to some. But to me, these 11 years wasn't a walk in the park. I had suffered a lot. I cried a lot. I almost wanted to give up and to walk away. I've been through lots of pain. I have been jeered at for loving him. I was mocked at for choosing him instead of other guys. He too, have been mocked and jeered at for being with me by his own friends. Yet, today, we still stand firm on our own mutual belief in each other that we are meant for one another.
If I had a choice to choose once more. I would still choose him and still want to walk down the same path we did years ago. Of course, I would change and prevented a mistake for and paid dearly for. I won't make that silly mistake that affected my relationship with him. I would not allow myself to fall into that pit-hole again.
Above all, I still love him to bits and may time prove to me that all my love invested would be worth effort. May death do us apart. Amen.
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