Trust Myself???

Can someone just tell me what the hell is going on? I can't even trust myself, how to trust others 100% ever again...

1st Step Out Of The Dark

Attended my first family function after so long ever since the split. I was kind of afraid facing relatives about my new status as being a divorcee, was fearful that they would start poking their noses in my affairs or randomly blurt out some sensitive comments which may hurt me. Instead, none of the above happened, everyone left me alone to chat with my closest cousin and no one dared to ask me anything about the failed marriage. I am blessed. From what my cousin told me, everyone was more or less been forewarned by my dad, before the dinner, to shut their gaps and refrained from asking me about Jeff. Actually, everyone could tell I was unhappy in the marriage and was only trying my best to maintain it. Now that I am divorced from him, they could tell that I am happier and more confident without him. I guess certain things does show, eh? Despite my efforts to hide my pain and try hard to conceal the cracks in the marriage, the fault lines must be so big that others can actually spot it.

Frankly, there are days whereby I am happy to be single and enjoying my single-hood status but there are still some days, where I still think about him and wonder what actually happened to make him snap so badly. Maybe he is just being petty and unforgiving for my past. Perhaps, he has found someone else. Or just maybe, he really is that unable to forget the fact that almost chose another guy to him. Whatever the reason is, everything is over... No use to even try to salvage it. Doubt I would like to go back those days of worrying about his sensitive temper as well as trying hard not to step on his land mines.

Through this marriage, I have learnt that actually I can be and am a good wife by nature, but sadly, to the wrong guy, who doesn't know how to treasure me and cherish me...

Currently, I declare that I am still single and open to any male competition but just that in order to win me over, the poor guy has to work extra hard to win my trust and heart.

To Jeff: I have had feedback that you are also doing pretty well without me and I am glad that you are doing good. Keep it up and may you find your aims in life. Good luck in your future endeavors. I will return your books as promised once my results for this semester is out. Don't worry, I would put it in your letter box as I respect your wishes to never wanting to see me again.

心声

答應自己沒有你也要努力過下去
但我從沒刻意對你的消息回避
我之後的愛情。。。
我之後的你在她的愛裡
真的確定過去都已過去
你之後的我比較愛自己
也決心一個人練習不那麽想你
我之後的你在她的愛裡
終於確定過去都已過去
你之後的我比較愛自己
偶爾想你也未必是不可理喻
有些困難的事情，等時間處理
我漸漸聽見了心裡的聲音，原來真正的幸福那麽容易
懂得了祝福只要你愛得再也不猶豫
我之後的你在她的愛裡
終於確定過去都已過去
你之後的我比較愛自己
陪回憶寫完了日記
告訴自己停止再想你
我之後的你終於確定過去都已過去
你之後的我懂得愛自己
讓回憶不留痕跡
我會自己停止再想你

Rewind back to 26 April 2000

还记得吗 窗外那被月光染亮的海洋
你还记得吗 是爱让彼此把夜点亮
为何后来我们 用沉默替代依赖
曾经朗朗星空 渐渐阴霾

心碎离开 转身回到最初荒凉里等待
为了寂寞 是否找个人填心中空白
我们变成了世上 最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折 各自悲哀

只怪我们爱得那么汹涌 爱得那么深
于是梦醒了 搁浅了 沉默了挥手了 却回不了神
如果当初在交会时能忍住了 激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里 沉沦

我们变成了世上最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折 各自悲哀

Fly Away

<---Manado

<---Cebu

Ever since I left Jeff in April, a part of me kind of died. The part where Amelia needs to stay put in Singapore for more than half a year has died. I feel that I have this craving to fly away and explore new places alone. Face the world alone, without anyone knowing my history and asking me if I am coping ok or if I am happier now being single with the freedom to do anything I want. I am just sick and tired of answering the same answers only to kid myself and bluff the world that I am perfectly fine, coping with divorce well as well as 100% happy to be single.

This time, I am exploring the options of flying away from 31/12/2012 to 5/1/2013...
Where should I head to:
1) Manado
2) Bali
3) Phuket
4) Langkawi
5) Cebu
6) Krabi

I feel that I wanna countdown alone sitting by the beach, emo-ing myself away while the world counts down to a brand new year. After this January 2013 trip, I am also thinking of going away during CNY in Feb 2013. So which place should I go first and second? I love sitting by the beach and enjoying the horizon, peace and serenity of the sea coupled with the sea breeze. The salty sea smell also refreshes my mind.


Any suggestions?

Epic Fail

Another Emo Night

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
在這場愛情角力的拔河裡
愛我還是愛你　你選擇了自己
撒嬌的　可愛的　黏人的　愛哭的
照片裡　曾經的都是你喜歡的
如今我還在原地 你卻走回你的記
分開是一種解脫　讓你好好的想過
我想要的　那片天空　你是不是能夠給我
分不清激情　承諾永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口　我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔　是因爲我太愛你
安靜了　在我枕邊的夢裡
我知道相愛原本就不容易
愛不是一加一　努力就有結局
臉頰的淚還溫熱　卻沒有人握我的手
愛情是一道傷口　我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔　是因爲我太愛你

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得
你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我 也只是曾经
我会逼自己离开
你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你 是因为我太爱你

如果这最后的结局
为何我还忘不了你
时间改变了我们告别了单纯
如果重逢也无法继续 失去才算是永恒
惩罚我的认真是我太过天真
难道我就这样过我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最爱的人
为你等从一开始盼到现在
也同样落的不可能
难道爱情可以转交给别人
但命运注定留不住我爱的人
我不能
我承认你是我不该爱的人
如果再见是为了再分 失去才算是永恒
一次新的记忆为何还要再生
需要那么残忍才证明爱的深
我愿意承认你是我爱错了的人

等时间过去 等现在的一切变成回忆
在某个夜里我将站在海边大声喊你
曾有的悲喜将会温暖也会刺痛我的心
我知道我一定会后悔失去你
就快看不到你的背影
分手就要成定局我快要不能呼吸
能够相爱并不容易
那些洒满阳光日子里 那些眼泪和笑语
你真的已不在意
My love, 轻轻的喊着你
曾经爱你永远爱你
我还抱着盼望停留在原地
一段并不长的距离 爱却跨不过去
天空无语海无情
对着你的背影轻声说 "我爱你"