My Life Didn't Suck Without You

Looking back for the past year since I walked out my failed marriage to an useless jerk, my life had improved. Sure, I did hit rock bottom when the marriage ended in divorce, but, soon after, I bounced back to start my life anew, I am seeing improvements to my self-worth and self-esteem.
Achievements post-divorce:
1) I made it through my degree and graduated with distinctions.
2) I found someone who treasures me more than anything else.
3) My temper also improved due to my better outlook of life.
4) I have more true friends and wider social circle.
5) My bf and I enjoy double dates with friends and their bfs.
6) My bf and I are planning for our future as a couple rather than as an individual.
7) My life is more enriched with things that I had missed out.
8) I am enjoying my freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have a supportive bf, who understands my need for fun and freedom.
9) I am exploring new places overseas and locally, without being told that certain places are 'far', or '无聊' .
10) I am constantly reminded that life is good without my ex-husband, even minor details of my life has improved.
11) The relationship between my parents and I have slightly improved.

Of course I am also facing some problems post-divorce, which includes:
1) Societal reaction when people knows that I am a divorcee with a bf.
2) Parents being more strict with my current bf and having difficulties accepting that I am attached  again.
3) Mocking statements made by back-stabbing and gossipy colleagues of my divorce and how my character may be associated to the end of the marriage.

Comparing the above, it still proves to me that not contesting to the divorce with him was the right decision for me. I just hope that my next marriage would not end up with a divorce again but no one can gurantee anything and seriously, only time can prove if the next marriage will work out well... Like what my aunt once said to me, '人 suay 一次就好, 不会suay多一次。If really suay again, then 认命 .'

With that statement from her, I took the gamble to fall in love again and am fighting all odds to make this current relationship accepted by my parents.  Tough fight, but I just hope it would be worth the effort.

2nd Chance @ Happiness?

This ring would be presented to me in 2 months time. 

Not sure how it would be present to me and unsure how I react to it. After a failed 12 years of relationship, consisting 6 years being married to the wrong guy, I am not sure I would take the leap of faith again and trust in marriage once more. 

This current guy treats me definitely much better than my ex-husband and I guess I would be quite pampered by him. But what if history repeats itself? 

As usual my parents are objecting to this current relationship as the guy isn't rich or well-qualified. However many friends and colleagues are positive that this current guy would bring much joy and happiness to me. Anyway, my ex-husband was well-qualified (in the end) and life was getting a bit 'richer', but what happened in the end? Still ended up in a divorce due to lack of love and intolerance to my natural mannerisms as well as behaviour or reaction to events. Evidences of poor communication and the inevitable divorce still occurred. 

I understand that no woman would want to walk into a marriage thinking of an ultimate divorce unless she was hankering over the guy's wealth or benefits post-divorce. Naturally same for me. I didn't walk down the aisle to expect a divorce years later and I am glad that I managed to pick myself up within a short period of time. Thus, I hope and cross my fingers that I wouldn't have to deal with divorce again.  

Guess, I will observe another 2 months before making that final decision when he chooses to propose to me in September. Can see his sincerity in planning for it. Can feel his genuineness in wanting to make me his wife. Can tell that this guy wouldn't tell me years later that he doesn't love me anymore or give me crappy excuse that he didn't know what he had signed for at ROM. 

PS: this is a 2 carats diamond ring with 0.75 carat diamonds at each side, not some blue topaz ring. 

Conscience VS Friendship

Once in a while,  God puts me in a situation to test my integrity and moral values. Today, He gave me a dilemma to choose between friendship VS doing what is right for a patient. I am not sure if I should be thanking Him for showing me the true colours of certain people whom I once called close friends or be thankful that through such situations, I managed to stay true to myself and choose moral values and principles of being a nurse over friendship.

I have lost another two people whom were once called my close friends at work. They expected me to keep mum about an error being made, which caused a patient to not get her prescipted dose of Morphine regularly. I was expected by them to not bring up the error to higher management. Although the management decided not to pursue this matter any furthur and the matter has rest but I am now viewed as a backstabber and common enemy by my ward staff.

Sure, I don't gain anything from reporting this matter and have even lost two friends but at least, I can answer my own conscience and that is most important to me. I can't hide from my own conscience.  I am answerable to myself and God that I had done the best to my own knowledge. Knowing myself that if I had failed to bring up this matter, I wouldn't be sleep well at night and would be constantly be nagged mentally by my conscience for not doing the right thing.

It is really disappointing to see the ugly side of these two people whom I once viewed them as full of integrity and morals. It is really sad to witness how they gossiped behind my back on Facebook thinking that I won't have access to that post.  It is really hurting to know that they misunderstood me as a backstabber and my intentions as a fault- finder. But I guess I don't fully blame them, it is just human to want to cover their asses when mistakes arise and when guilt conscience eats them up.

May God bless me with more worthy friends in future and I pray for a better job offer to walk away from such flawed organisational culture. Amen.

Ruined My Life

Found this 'quote' or rather 'rant' online and it reminded me of someone that I used to know or perhaps, someone whom I used to love loads.
I would believe that my life would be better if I hadn't met him and if I hadn't decide to fall deeply in love with him enough to marry him. Yes, frankly, I am still quite bitter that he has wasted all my 12 years on him as well as my efforts to maintain a fulfilling marriage with him. Heartless creep!
Wishing that I :
- hadn't met him
- hadn't loved him
- hadn't married him
- hadn't had to try so hard for him
- hadn't trust him with my future
- hadn't allowed him to make use of me
- hadn't chose him over other guys

Shit him!

Hazy Days

Wonder how many people have died due to the haze? Highest PSI of 401 today.
When is the government going to do anything about it?
Every day I reach home from work with a headache and scratchy throat. When will the rain come???

Post-Grad Celebration

Lunch: Home cooked- Steamed Grey Mullet,  Stir fried mushrooms and Garlic Fried Sweet Potato Leaf.
Movie: Jurassic Park 3D
Shopping: Katong 112
Dinner: Manhattan Fish Market

Graduated With Distinction?!

Finally the day I waited has come. But the main surprise to me is that I graduated with distinction!
All my life, I had never been a distinction in academic studies. I was never good in my studies, but today, to graduate with a distinction to my name? I have done myself, my parents and my late granny proud.

Speaking of my late granny, it is really a pity that she is around physically to witness my graduation as much as I know, she would like to be around to see me wearing this mortar board and graduation gown. When she was alive, she would tell me that if I could, I should be a 'graduate' and do my degree. Today, I made her wishes come true. I know she should be smiling in heaven witnessing me getting my degree.

Anyway, I am still blessed by the strength of God to make it through a crazy year of 2012 and still being to graduate smoothly. I am blessed by my guardian angels that I got my distinction. I am honoured to be where I am today despite all.

Thank you to God, Guardian Angels, My Parents and Myself.