About Me
- Mint + Bitter Chocolate = Heaven
- Just the blunt and honest me. Just someone who needs to air her inner most feelings and thoughts. Just a female who suffers from a crazy life journey, with lots of ups and down in her life. Just another moronic human being who wishes for peace and serenity in life one day.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Betrayal...
Where do broken hearts go?
When they don't have a song to sing or have a prayer.
When your heart is bare.
Where do broken hearts go?
When your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on.
When your body goes numb and you can no longer care.
Where do broken hearts go?
To shun themselves away from the rest of the world.
When they're all alone and can't stand to go on.
To be at one with themselves.
And think...think...think...think.
Thinking why?
Why would this person want to deliberately hurt me?
Was it something I did?
Something I said?
How could they do this to me?
Then the depression turns to RAGE.
You feel betrayed.
You want revenge.
But what is the use of revenge? Would it cure the broken heart?
Would it make you truly happier?
WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO?
When they don't have a song to sing or have a prayer.
When your heart is bare.
Where do broken hearts go?
When your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on.
When your body goes numb and you can no longer care.
Where do broken hearts go?
To shun themselves away from the rest of the world.
When they're all alone and can't stand to go on.
To be at one with themselves.
And think...think...think...think.
Thinking why?
Why would this person want to deliberately hurt me?
Was it something I did?
Something I said?
How could they do this to me?
Then the depression turns to RAGE.
You feel betrayed.
You want revenge.
But what is the use of revenge? Would it cure the broken heart?
Would it make you truly happier?
WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO?
Friday, September 3, 2010
Lack Of Job Satisfaction
When I newly graduated from my Advance Diploma, I was 'on fire' to start work and fulfill my purpose to serve and care for Oncology patients...
However, now after nearly 3 months of ward life, shift work and dealing with patients who needs palliative and best supportive treatment to maintain the last days of their life, I am starting to lose the 'fire' and passion yet again. I feel that I am starting to lose that passion I had like when I was in SGH, which made me resign in 24hrs after working in that mundane ward setting for 3 years.
I am not sure why I lost the passion so soon, barely 3 months in the ward... I am not sure if I am sick of the rotating shift or am I am just sick of ward work life or perhaps I am getting the fulfillment I wanted from Oncology Nursing? It may also be due to the fact I feel inferior as compared to the other staff who had been in the ward for the past few years prior to going for their Advance Diploma, so blending back into the ward is much easier for them as compared to me. Sure, I got a few awards and some sort of recognition for certain jobs well done. But that has slowly decreased and I am making more silly errors while on the job rendering me to doubt my own capabilities as a ward staff. As I compare, I seemed to be more suited for outpatient setting and my performance seems to excel to my full potential when I was working office hours as a Chemotherapy nurse.
Then, you may ask why did I choose to go back to ward setting? Well, I thought I would give ward life a second chance and anyway, I couldn't resist the possibility of furthering my education and attaining another certificate to ease my way up to be a SSN. Thus, now I am tied down 2 years to ward setting and feeling so upset as well as unsure if my decision is right...
I doubt speaking to my supervisor would also do me any good 'cause she would tell me that going back to outpatient setting is not possible as the positions are filled. She would also tell me that when I signed the 2 years bond to fulfill my further education, I was also informed of being posted to ward setting after my studies and I had also agreed to their terms and condition. So whatever I say or voice out would be futile now...
However, now after nearly 3 months of ward life, shift work and dealing with patients who needs palliative and best supportive treatment to maintain the last days of their life, I am starting to lose the 'fire' and passion yet again. I feel that I am starting to lose that passion I had like when I was in SGH, which made me resign in 24hrs after working in that mundane ward setting for 3 years.
I am not sure why I lost the passion so soon, barely 3 months in the ward... I am not sure if I am sick of the rotating shift or am I am just sick of ward work life or perhaps I am getting the fulfillment I wanted from Oncology Nursing? It may also be due to the fact I feel inferior as compared to the other staff who had been in the ward for the past few years prior to going for their Advance Diploma, so blending back into the ward is much easier for them as compared to me. Sure, I got a few awards and some sort of recognition for certain jobs well done. But that has slowly decreased and I am making more silly errors while on the job rendering me to doubt my own capabilities as a ward staff. As I compare, I seemed to be more suited for outpatient setting and my performance seems to excel to my full potential when I was working office hours as a Chemotherapy nurse.
Then, you may ask why did I choose to go back to ward setting? Well, I thought I would give ward life a second chance and anyway, I couldn't resist the possibility of furthering my education and attaining another certificate to ease my way up to be a SSN. Thus, now I am tied down 2 years to ward setting and feeling so upset as well as unsure if my decision is right...
I doubt speaking to my supervisor would also do me any good 'cause she would tell me that going back to outpatient setting is not possible as the positions are filled. She would also tell me that when I signed the 2 years bond to fulfill my further education, I was also informed of being posted to ward setting after my studies and I had also agreed to their terms and condition. So whatever I say or voice out would be futile now...
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Progression
Went down to my future love nest to snap some pix and to see if there is any progression...
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Singapore Flyer With Daddy
In celebration of Nurses' Day, the Singapore Flyer was having a one for one free admission. Thus, I went with Dad to have a virgin trip on board the Flyer... Nice! But after a while the scenery gets a bit boring. Anyway, we sat on the Flyer from a nice weather until it began heavy downpour. Not bad an experience...
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Haiz...
不喜歡懷疑什麼, 並不表示我沒有感受.
看你微妙的變化, 慢慢不同, 我不是生氣, 只是心痛.
我從來都不說不, 不是因為我願意, 是因為我愛你.
我從來都不生氣, 不是因為我沒有脾氣, 是因為我愛你.
但是哭過就好了, 因为不是我的, 永远不回属于我的.
你要的是她的幸福.而我只是你生命必須走過的一段路.我很清楚...
Promises made are meant to be broken.
So what for make promises and vows???
All useless when they are all broken and I am made to pick up the broken pieces all by myself...
I thought things would improve once married but they all remained the same or worsened... Haiz...
Sometimes we just don't appreciate those people who really care for us until they leave us. Until we lose them, then we would regret...
看你微妙的變化, 慢慢不同, 我不是生氣, 只是心痛.
我從來都不說不, 不是因為我願意, 是因為我愛你.
我從來都不生氣, 不是因為我沒有脾氣, 是因為我愛你.
但是哭過就好了, 因为不是我的, 永远不回属于我的.
你要的是她的幸福.而我只是你生命必須走過的一段路.我很清楚...
Promises made are meant to be broken.
So what for make promises and vows???
All useless when they are all broken and I am made to pick up the broken pieces all by myself...
I thought things would improve once married but they all remained the same or worsened... Haiz...
Sometimes we just don't appreciate those people who really care for us until they leave us. Until we lose them, then we would regret...
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