When I newly graduated from my Advance Diploma, I was 'on fire' to start work and fulfill my purpose to serve and care for Oncology patients...
However, now after nearly 3 months of ward life, shift work and dealing with patients who needs palliative and best supportive treatment to maintain the last days of their life, I am starting to lose the 'fire' and passion yet again. I feel that I am starting to lose that passion I had like when I was in SGH, which made me resign in 24hrs after working in that mundane ward setting for 3 years.
I am not sure why I lost the passion so soon, barely 3 months in the ward... I am not sure if I am sick of the rotating shift or am I am just sick of ward work life or perhaps I am getting the fulfillment I wanted from Oncology Nursing? It may also be due to the fact I feel inferior as compared to the other staff who had been in the ward for the past few years prior to going for their Advance Diploma, so blending back into the ward is much easier for them as compared to me. Sure, I got a few awards and some sort of recognition for certain jobs well done. But that has slowly decreased and I am making more silly errors while on the job rendering me to doubt my own capabilities as a ward staff. As I compare, I seemed to be more suited for outpatient setting and my performance seems to excel to my full potential when I was working office hours as a Chemotherapy nurse.
Then, you may ask why did I choose to go back to ward setting? Well, I thought I would give ward life a second chance and anyway, I couldn't resist the possibility of furthering my education and attaining another certificate to ease my way up to be a SSN. Thus, now I am tied down 2 years to ward setting and feeling so upset as well as unsure if my decision is right...
I doubt speaking to my supervisor would also do me any good 'cause she would tell me that going back to outpatient setting is not possible as the positions are filled. She would also tell me that when I signed the 2 years bond to fulfill my further education, I was also informed of being posted to ward setting after my studies and I had also agreed to their terms and condition. So whatever I say or voice out would be futile now...
About Me
- Mint + Bitter Chocolate = Heaven
- Just the blunt and honest me. Just someone who needs to air her inner most feelings and thoughts. Just a female who suffers from a crazy life journey, with lots of ups and down in her life. Just another moronic human being who wishes for peace and serenity in life one day.
1 comment:
never compare urself to other people. the more u compare, the more unhappy u are. if u think other ppl are better than u, u should see how they are better and change the way u do things, not feeling inferior about urself. no doubt u are probably stuck to the same job(s) everyday, but u have already made ur decision, so try to think to urself how u can improve it in every single way. e.g. how to do things with speed and accuracy; how to make patients more comfortable with u etc. after all this is ur dream job, and it's not the awards or praises u are after, but going home knowing that u have done ur best, and the best have been done for needy patients... there's always room for improvements, even if u are a senior with years of experience.
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