End of The Road

I hope I will never have to cross paths with you in future.
I hope I will never have to ever see you again.
I hope I will never have to shed another tear over you.
I hope my life will be better off without you.

Attack of Old Memories

I walked away not because I want to break my promises to you,
I walked away because I guess I had enough.
I walked away not because I don't love you anymore,
I walked away because you will never love me as much as you used to.
I walked away not because I wanted to break free,
I walked away because you will never be mine again.
I walked away for me, myself and I.
I walked away in seek for a better future.
I walked away to have a happier life without you.

If I Died Tomorrow...

In the recent light of MH 370, I have been hearing on how the plane mysteriously disappeared and much speculation was given that the plane was hijacked, crashed or perhaps being parked somewhere remote due to terrorist demands. However, after nearly 2 weeks, it is declared that the plane had crashed into the Southern Indian Ocean. Relatives, friends and family members on that doomed flight reacted to the final news in rage and were left in anguish with despair. That I led me to think, what if I had been on that flight? How would people and family members react?

I, for one, doesn't have any insurance plans to 'give' any payout to any beneficiaries, neither, do I much assets to my name. So that is good in certain ways that nobody will fight for my monetary assets or wonder how to settle my bank accounts. (Rather, they would be left to think how to settle my credit card bills...)

Secondly, to certain people that have misunderstood me to be a bitch or a nasty person would celebrate my death with a bottle of vintage wine or champagne. I admit that I am not exactly an angel to certain people who crossed my life and happen to have 'stepped onto my toes', in fact, I have been pretty much hard on such people.

Thirdly, my parents would probably grieve the worst (duh), but finally, my mum would start wondering who is going to pay for the Condominium's maintenance fees, air-con maintenance fees and who will be giving her the monthly household expenses to cushion household bills. My dad would probably get over the grief by karaoke-ing, drinking and avoid going home before 11pm, so as to avoid clashing with my mother over financial issues.

Fourthly, my close relatives would remember me as the defiant daughter of my parents, who actually dotes on them in my own ways. They would also remember me as the stubborn niece that would pursue my own life journey at my own pace: career, studies, love-life and stand firm on my own beliefs. My close aunts would remember me by my caring personality to help those in need, at the expense of my own benefits.

Fifthly, my fiance will apply my 'After Death Wishlist' on my behalf. I am not sure how he would cope although he did say that he wouldn't find anyone after me... (Of course, he would say that he won't find anyone else after me, but God knows, how true it would be...) Maybe if he met another female who treats him well and as good as I treat him, he may change his mind of remaining single for life.

Lastly, for my close friends, I am not sure how they would cope as only one person under that category replied that she will remember me as a Fish & Chips lover. The rest of those friends in that category did not comment...

Either way, if I died, I wouldn't also be able to react to any emotions or any form of reactions from other people and seriously, by then, I would be much bothered how they cope with the news of my death. All I hope for is that my religion would not be wrong and I would be able to go Heaven to reunite with my late grandmother and enjoy the peace, serenity as promised by my God.

If that eventful day of my death comes, I hope it would be swift and painless...

Differences...

1) When I am hungry and whining about it...
J: You are old enough to find food. Or... You have hands and legs to get your own food!
D: Ok, what you want to eat? Wait for me, I drive over to bring you out.

2) When I vocalize that there is an issue between us that would potentially harm the relationship. ...
J: So? It is your fault for _______ and for _______. If you really unhappy, you go your own way and I go mine.
D: Let's talk about it. See how to solve it.

3) When I am frustrated or irritated for something not done properly by him...
J: You think that you are a princess eh? Everything must be done your way eh? Go fly kite lah!
D: I am sorry. But I did it because ____________ (rationale explained).

4) When the argument gets too serious and unresolved despite thrashing it out...
J: If you want to still meet, you better don't give me a black face, otherwise you will get it from me! Or.. If you want, don't bother coming back home,  I don't want to see your black face! I don't owe you a living!
D: You cool down first. Don't angry, I will see you later then we talk again.

5) When I see someone who needs help or is in distress...
J: Don't be such a busy-body! Let's go! (Drags me away or walk away...)
D: Yeah, does he/she need help? See if you or I can help. Let's go! ( Goes over to volunteer help...)

6) When I ask if he could join my friends or family for some gathering...
J: What for? You want to go,  then go alone, why ask me for what? I am not so free.
D: Ok. You remind me again when the date is nearer,  I scared that I will forget... *sheepish grin*

7) When I ask for 'me-time' or time with my friends alone...
J: Do whatever you want. I am not restricting you. (Stomps off...)
D: Ok. Enjoy yourself and let me know if you need my transport anywhere.

8) When I get fed up at work or complain about my day...
J: *Nonchalantly* work is like that, do you not think that I suffer at work too? Stop complaining.
D: *listens in silence* Ok lah, dont angry, bring you to de-stress, where you want to go?

9) When I complain that he is unromantic and less attentive to me...
J: Want to be so romantic for what? 无聊!
D: *offers kisses and hugs*

10) When I talk about going on holidays or stay-cations as a couple...
J: What for? Waste money!  Waste time!
D: Ok! Where you want to go, I go with you. *broad smile*

Disclaimer: No one is perfect... Just a comparison on who is a better guy suited for me. And, I am not a spoiled girlfriend or fiancee, just a woman who wants to be valued and treasured by my better half.

Grown Apart

Came across this quote and picture while browsing Facebook. Reminded me of Mr J...

Yes, I agree that what we had between us in the beginning was real, but as time passed, we grew apart and what we had between us faded with the time. I guessed no one is truly to be blamed for the ending of us. Perhaps you or I didn't love enough. Perhaps you or I didn't know to accept the changes mutually as we matured into adults. Perhaps you or I didn't know to treasure each other and forgive one another for the flaws we had developed over the years. Indeed, I did resent you for some issues that I encountered as your girlfriend and wife, while you hated my way of handling things and detest my attitude in life.

But now all is gone. We have gone our separate ways and pursued our life in two directions. Hopefully we won't have to ever cross paths in future 'cause I won't know what sarcasm I would have for you, neither would I bother to even interact you diplomatically. You will always be a thorn in my memory as the guy whom I loved and sacrificed so much only to be spitted out by you like a poison in your mouth. No matter what happens in your life or how successful you have become in the future, you will always be known as a jerk and unappreciative bastard in my eyes.

Everyone Has Dark Side & Deep Secrets

There's a place that I know, it's not pretty there and few have ever gone. If I show it to you now,
will it make you run away or will you stay? Even if it hurts, even if I try to push you out, will you return  and remind me who I really am? Please remind me who I really am.

Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect but we're worth it, you know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond, from black dust, it's hard to know what can become. If you give up, so don't give up on me, please remind me who I really am...

People end up changing their natural self due to previous experience with pain or set-backs, There are some who even end up changing into someone totally different from their original values and principles just to fit into the society. That is so sad...

I hope that I wouldn't be one of those who change myself so much that I would lose my original self. I firmly believe those who truly love and treasure me would accept my dark side, as well as understand my reasons for being who and what I am today due to my own experiences with sadness, anger, politics and betrayals.

HOW LONG DO I LOVE SOMEONE?

Recently heard this songs by Ellie Goulding, called How Long Would I Love you, and it brought about a thought how much I could love someone or how long would I love someone...

Below are her 'Q&A'

How long will I love you?
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I can

How long will I need you?
As long as the seasons need to
Follow their plan

How long will I be with you?
As long as the sea is bound to
Wash up on the sand

How long will I want you?
As long as you want me to
And longer by far

How long will I hold you?
As long as your father told you
As long as you can

How long will I give to you?
As long as I live through youHowever long you say

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This is my Q&A after all the crappy love story and life I have been through since I was 14 years old...

How long will I love you?
As long as I feel you are worth my love.
And longer if time permits.

How long will I need you?
As long as I feel you are dependable.
And longer if I permit myself to depend on you.

How will I be with you?
As long as I feel that you love me .
And longer if I feel that I am your top priority in life.

How long will I want you?
As long as you would want me in your life.
And longer if I can trust you with my future.

How long will I hold you?
As long as you can provide me with basic happiness and security.
And longer if you want to hold me (before your arms are amputated due to certain accidents or diseases).

How long will I give to you?
As long as I am to purse my own interest and own needs first.
And longer if I am able to spare my own heart to give to you.

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忘情水

Sometimes I wished such portion would exist, so I could fully forget all those painful memories. I would be the first few to queue for this portion that would wipe out my memories and allow me to restart life brand new.

Many people believed that if I were still feel the pain and aches of what had happened to me, it means that I have not forgetten and move on from my past. All I can say to these people who feels that way is, BULLSHIT! How can one forget something so painful? How can one totally forget whatever shit that he/she has gone through? How do one forget memories when almost everywhere reminds him/her of someone who broke his/her heart?

Can someone please invent this portion? I bet it would be very much sellable.