God is Good

Thank God for protecting me...
Thank God for protecting my family...
Thank God for protecting those close friends to me...
Thank God for protecting my dearest fiance...

May He continue his everlasting protection even though I often fail to see through his grace, blessings and love for me and those who are dear to me. Amen.

Happiness is...

What is happiness to me as a kid....
- able to play with the kids I want
- able to watch my tv shows without doing my homework
- able to go on car rides with my dad
- able to walk to Esso with my dad for an ice-cream and back home again in the middle of the night
- growing up to gain my own freedom

What is happiness to me as a teenager...
- able to get good grades for my Literature, English and F&N
- able to wear sexy clothes and be prettier than my cousin
- able to have go chalets and stay overnight away from home
- able to have constant attention from guys and flirt with them
- able to have my close friends to understand me
- to pursue my dreams to be a nurse and get my diploma

What is happiness to me as a young adult...
- have a stable job as a nurse, away from all the shit and politics
- clubbing at Zouk and having fun with alcoholic drinks
- have a guy who drives or at least owes a bike
- have a guy who loves me and have fun with me
- getting married to the guy I love and having his kids
- owing my own house
- have endless cash to buy my luxury bags and jewelleries

What is happiness to me now...
- having a good career and holding a 'position' at work
- getting parental approval of my boyfriend cum fiance
- fiance to do well and have a stable income enough for us to buy a house
- having a boyfriend who is able to drive me to work and back home after dinner
- have endless cash to travel around whenever I like
- people who doesn't remind me that I am a divorcee due to a series of mistakes I made as a young adult
- settling down with my fiance to a better future

PS: When I was young, I wanted to grow up. When I am grown up now, I wished that I could return back to my toddler stage, where life was much simpler and less stressful.

Brand New Position = Higher Stress Levels

Being the Clinical Coordinator for the past two weeks, I have learnt and experienced the pros and cons of it.

New Position Pro:

- authority to make decisions for change and improvements to current system

- autonomy to handle conflicts and patients independently

- able to attend and speak to higher management directly

- authority to handle staff and their need for taking annual leaves or MCs

- better insight in work operations

- challenge my skills to balance work-life and multi-task

New Position Cons:

- more need to exercise independent decisions making skills to handle conflicts and troubleshoot problems faced in daily clinical operations

- higher level of patience needed to speak to staff who are not compliant to changes made

- need to exercise more caution when speaking to higher management staff

- need to handle last minute MCs and lack of staff to work

- 'work comes before self' mentality automatically to the extend that I had to work OT and return to work foregoing my planned day off because of lack of staff to work

- need to attend more meetings and better understand situations that may potentially harm clinic or doctor's reputations.

- people/colleagues tend to talk more behind your back due to misunderstandings, especially those who are jealous of the promotion

- people/colleagues expect a more biased judgement towards them just because they were once 'close' to me or 'in talking-terms' with me.

In conclusion, the past two weeks (teething period, as one of my close pal calls it) has been challenging my patience and mental capability as I am faced with assorted of problems on a daily basis. There seem to be hiccups and problems awaiting for me to solved everyday. I didn't even get to fully enjoy my mum's birthday celebration on the 12th and Valentines' Day. 

However, I am glad for one thing: my fiance who is also in his 'teething period' of new job has been quite supportive of me and has been trying his best to accommodate to my mood-swings and mental stress overload. Although, he is also have his own issues in handling his new job and he is also mentally bogged down by them, but he is able to prove to me that he is still after-all able to be my confidant as well as pillar of support after work.

Hopefully, this teething period would be over soon and the both of us will be able to embrace on with our new careers more confidently, working towards a better future together. One more good news is that my mum has finally or should I say reluctantly accepted this relationship with him and even invited him for the family gathering held for her birthday dinner celebration. But that doesn't mean the wedding/ROM is confirmed yet eh :)!

"Let Her Go" by Passengers

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

PS: In life, we will never know what we have lost until we have lost it/him/her. That is why, it is important to treasure those or things that are dear to you and don't wait until it is gone before you regret and start missing it. Time waits for no one and God plans are always beyond prediction.  

"Demons" by Imagine Dragons

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

At the curtain’s call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you've made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

PS: I am who I am, I will never will be perfect and I do admit that I do have a demon hiding inside me. Just that I won't show it to people who treats me properly and with respect... I guess everyone somehow has their own demons to fight inside them. 

"Try" by Pink

Ever wonder about what he's doing?
How it all turned to lies?
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy?
Even when it's not right

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

Ever worry that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by, by, by?

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try

You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try



PS: If you never try, you will never know what will work and what won't work. If you don't even try, how would you know what the future may bring. Don't live your life in regrets and what ifs, try and see how things can go your way. Even if doesn't work out the way you wanted, you could still tell yourself that you have tried and given it your best shot without any regrets...

CNY 2014

This year, there has been mixed reviews for the fortune of the Pig and the Goat. There are some that says the both zodiacs will do very well, while some says that both zodiacs have an average rating in all aspects of life. However, one thing is for sure, both of us are going good so far as the new lunar year approaches:

- He finally got his vocational license and is now licensed to drive his own taxi. 

- He managed to get his taxi before the CNY.

- I got my recognition for all the hard work put in for the past few months and have been promoted to Clinical Coordinator aka Nurse Clinician/Manager for G.S (General Surgery) team. My new duties will start from 4 Feb 2014.
- With the both good news, we are both working hand-in-hand for a better and brighter future as a couple.

Since the lunar year started well, I pray for a smooth year ahead for both of us. Some close friends and relative had asked if marriage is on the cards this year, the answer is 50:50! :)

In the meantime, Happy Horse Year to all my readers and may you & your family have a blessed year ahead.

I hope after all those down-falls I had been through for the past few years, luck with me shining brightly on me and may the year of The Horse 2014 will bring better luck as well as more blessings to me and to those loved ones around me.