Let It Go

Lower my expectations would equate to a lower sense of disappointment during failures and higher sense of joy during successes.

There is no need to force myself to make anything work in my way. What is meant to be mine, will be mine anyway, no matter what. What isn't meant to be mine, will never be mine even if I die trying to make it mine.

My tears are precious water and letting them flow is akin to wasting fluids and allowing myself to dehydrate. Moreover, tears flowed for people who doesn't appreciate them is seriously foolish.

My life may mean a lot to those who loves me truly but yet it can be dust to those who doesn't value me as a human. So it is useless to waste my life on those who doesn't treat me right.

I am me. I do what I know is best for myself. I shall live my life in the way I like, for self-fulfulment. I shall pursue my life in the direction that I deem fit. No one can control me or stop me anymore. My life. My rules. My world. My goals. My dreams. My journey. Period.

The scars I bear are witnesses to my own failures and reminder that I am a stronger person fighting those battles. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. Enemies may try to break me but I don't stay down forever.

Goodbye.

First Step Towards A Better Future As One

Final exams passed. License granted. Soon enough, my fiance will have his 'car' to drive around and I would be able to enjoy being ferried around to and fro from work.

As long as he works hard, he will be able to make money to start a family. As long as he is willing to learn on the job, he would be able to cope with his new job.

Finally, a breakthrough after 3 months of studying and taking exams. Amen.

Hope that life would be more smooth sailing from today. Hope that we would able to start planning for a better future as one soon... Hope that we would be able to fulfill his granny's death wish of seeing as get married by next year. Although no concentrate plans for marriage yet but tentatively in April this year or September next year.

Guess my life is destined to help my partners from scratch to achieve greatness in life and to help them find a place in society...

SOMETIMES IT IS THE LYRICS OF A SONG THAT SPURS OLD MEMORIES

Say something I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere I would have followed you

Say something I'm giving up on you
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head, I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl

Say something I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would have followed you

Say something I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye

Say something I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would have followed you

Say something I'm giving up on you
Say something I'm giving up on you
Say something...
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

I tried my best as your wife for 6 years to maintain a failing marriage, which ended up too painful for us to continue and had given up on you in April 2012.
Time for me to find and pursue my second chance at happiness with someone else who loves me much more than I love him.
Contemplating between 24.04.2014, 09.09.2014 or 09.09.2015 for the actual day that I sign on the dotted line to marriage for a second time. I know it is a risk that I would take again and marriage is always a gamble.
By the way, the good news is that my parents has more or less reluctantly accepted the fact that I would be standing firm on my decision (as always) to be his girlfriend, fiancee and future wife. This time, I am not marrying in a hurry neither am I marrying due to pride or to save face. I am marrying based on sound judgement that I would be definitely happier emotionally and mentally being with him. Life maybe slightly tougher after my marriage to him but I still believe that our love would tide us through nicely.
I still trust God to see us through this journey of love. Amen.
Will keep those interested in my life and its progress on this blog as well as via private messages. And for those not interested or those reading my blog for kapo-nism, you are still welcome, afterall this is a public blog and I have nothing to hide now. My life is nearly transparent and akin to an open book. Living with a clear conscience...

First Post of 2014

Spent the day lazing in bed after a night of Staycation and countdown at Changi...
Today as I take the steps to embrace 2014, I am feeling grateful for those few significant people who had made 2013 a easier to go by.
1) God: Thanks for the strength and blessings You have provided me. Although 2013 had a few hiccups and lows, it is through prayer that I found slight peace and 'shelter' from the harshness of those hiccups and obstacles. I pray that You continue to protect and bless me as I proceed on in 2014 life.
2) Myself: Thanks for knowing what you want and need in your life. It is through this knowledge that you know what to fight and persevere on. Although, you have been through much hurt and harm emotionally as well as psychologically,  I am glad that you are still sane enough to continue in life bravely. Although you put on a smile to others, but I know deep down all those secrets that you hide, which makes you insecure and less confident in proceeding on in the rest of your life. Continue to march forward, Amelia. May you not fall so badly in life again.
3) My best pal and neighbour, Jessilin: Thanks for helping me emotionally, physically and mentally through all the negative experiences since 2012. We may not be very close before but now, I know you well and you know me well too. Thanks for cooking me meals and buying stuff for when I need them. Thanks for helping my blur sotong boyfriend through the proposal and whenever we argue, leaving him clueless. May 2014 bring both of us more joys and less sadness. May both our relationships with our fiancés be better and stronger. May we bond tighter and continue this friendship until we both grow old.
4) My bf or should I call fiance, Desmond: Thank you for tolerating my insecurities, negative personality, childishness at times, fiery temper and easily jealous emotions. I am grateful for knowing you and accepting your love. You have shown me a different world and perspective of love. A love where you self-sacrifice is shown and your love for me is greater than any pride, ego or elements that may cause a downfall in a relationship. Thanks for your company in my daily life, be it when I am a good or bad day. May our love prosper and head into a more better future. I love you. May God bless our relationship, steering it into a stable future filled with bliss and joy.

As I end my first night of 2014, I am constantly reminded of blessings of 2013 from the above mentioned people... Amen for them!