3-0 in 5mths...

While waiting for the bus today, this thought dawned upon me: Hitting that 3-0 in 5 months and what have I achieved?

Firstly, I proudly declare that I have gotten my Diploma, Advanced Diploma and Degree in Nursing! Although I know most of my peers have already achieved a Masters or PhD, but I am contented to have achieved up to a degree standard. I had never imagined myself to study up to a degree as I knew from young that I wasn't 'studying material', I never did we'll in school and my grades were always borderline pass. Now, I that have achieved my degree, I feel that it is suffice for me at this current stage of my life.

Secondly, I am proud to have met and achieved my childhood ambition to be a nurse. That was the only goal that I used to motivate myself to studying those boring subjects such as Mathematics, Chemistry, Physics, History, Geography and Social Studies since Primary to Secondary school. I remembered how badly I cried when I received my 'O' level results thinking I wasn't able to enter Nursing as I had failed my science subject but when a friend told me I could still get into Nursing with my F&N grade, I immediately stopped crying. That was how desperate I was to enter in Nursing school. :)

Thirdly, I am glad that for the past nearly 30 years of my life, I am strong enough to face any form of defeat in my face and get up on my two feet to fight all those depressive events. Some of these events scarred me and some of these events just made me stronger as a person. Some of these events opened my eyes to the cruelty of this world and some of these events made me realise that trusting the wrong person would lead to your downfall. Some of these events made me a little more skeptical about humans and some of these events affected the way I treat mankind. However, despite all these downfalls, I am still me: narcissistic and yet able to forgive those who has hurt me in the past.

Fourthly, (something that I am proud nor glad to say but I still must add them to my list of 'achievements') I have been through numerous of BGR, most short lasting and some lasting slightly longer than I expected. I have been loved and I have loved. I have experienced what it felt like to walk down the aisle and I have experienced what it is like to end a marriage after trying my best to mend whatever broken pieces that he destroyed and eventually drove me to my ends wits. The only pity to these all, I don't even know the truth to reason of divorce just the same story to my first relationship, broke off without a proper explanation on why he chose to run away from the relationship although he claimed that e still loved me.

My last achievement was to maintain my sanity through all these shit and crap that life throws at me. Thank God for His strength. Thank God for His grace to helping me keep my sanity intact. Thank God for allowing those close friends and family members to be there for me when I needed them for support and understanding. Thank God for protecting my life by ensuring that I had sufficient time to heal before allowing another blow to hit me. Thank God for understanding that although I don't go to church or attend any masses or whatever Christian activities, He still knows that do worship Him and believe in Him.

After 3-0, I just hope to achieve a peaceful life. Perhaps deliver a child and know what it is like to experience pregnancy and labor before the 3-5. Perhaps enjoy the ups and downs of motherhood. Perhaps continue to keep my sanity until one day when dementia hits me. Perhaps understand my needs better than wants in life and prioritise my life accordingly.