Dear Jeff aka Ex-Baku,
I am not sure if I am right. Somehow, my sixth sense tells me that you have something to say to me since the day I was at your place (void deck) to sign off the HDB letter for our flat. However, perhaps due to pride or because another stranger was around, thus, you kept your words back.
Today, when I recieved your call to inform me that our divorce has been finalized. Your tone of voice seems pissed or annoyed. I am not sure why, but you just hung up the call quite abruptly. Then, later in the evening, when I was messaging you with regards to meeting up in December to settle the payment you 'owe' me, you were lingering online for a while before deciding to go offline.
It seems to be that you want to say or tell me something but it just can't come out from you. Pride? Ego? Perhaps, as usual, your downfall. Anyway, if you would like to say or tell me anything, your last date is 3 Dec 2012. After that date, I won't be expecting to hear from you again, 'cause I will always remember your request to cut off all ties totally from you, to the extend that even if I do meet you or your parents on the streets, to ignore you all and pretend that we are strangers.
Anyway, I am still the same Amelia. Maybe not exactly the same Amelia you once know, but more or less the same in certain ways. And if you want to tell me something on the 3rd Dec, I would be willing to hear you out, as long as it is rational and honest words coming from you. Plus, as long as you don't go shouting at me or hurling vulgarities at me, I would be more willing to hear what you have to say.
By the way, I have done my own reflection and have concluded, when a marriage fails, it is not one party's fault but the fault of both husband and wife. My fault would be:
- Knowing you at such a young age (17yrs old)
- Deciding to commit you when I am still quite immature (23yrs old)
- Not knowing what I wanted in a husband
- Not being able grow up mentally and emotionally as your wife due to the 'habit' of being childish around you.
- Naively thinking that you have forgiven me for my immature behaviours and thinking over the past 12 years.
- Kidding myself that one day you will come to understand my mistake of almost choosing another guy over you.
- Having too much confidence in you that one day you will change back to the loving and sweet man that I had chose to marry 6yrs back.
- Allowing myself to tolerate your 'incapabilities' when I knew or should I say, when I should have suspected something else was wrong rather just your physical 'incapabilities' to fulfill your duties as a husband.
Anyway, all has ended now, just the way you have asked for and wanted. Now that I have spoken all I should have told you over the phone, face to face or via message through my this blog post, I have nothing else heart-felt to say to you. Somehow, I guess you still follow my blog and may continue to do so until one day you have decided to give up totally on me.
Hope on 3rd Dec, if need be, you will be able to put aside your pride and ego to confess whatever you need or want to say to me. I doubt I would be bringing anyone along with me, 'cause I think you may want to have some private talk to me or whatever. Hopefully, my sixth sense isn't wrong and end up being the laughing stock as I have always been in your eyes. Anyway, it doesn't hurt to be mocked by you one last time. I also wouldn't be surprised that you would still continue the same aloofness to maintain your pride, 'face' and ego...
PS: If you want to ask me to forgive you, I have already done so when I signed the papers for divorce at Jayne's office. If you want to ask me to move on without you in my life, I have also done so maturely. As long as you are happier, I have already granted all that you request from me by leaving you and signing on the divorce papers. All I ask for is peaceful parting on 3rd Dec, ideally with a mutual handshake to end it all.
