离婚后不要做朋友

删掉你手机的讯息 
清空你专属的抽屉 
如果可以的话 
多想 从来没认识过你 
置身少了你的空景 
何时不再触景伤情 
雨滴和泪滴 总是会混在一起 
你爱我 你伤我 不算什么 
反正我 绝不说 我多难过 
有你的我 没有你的我 
往后日子都得过 
你内疚 你难受 别告诉我 
免得我 又搞错 当作承诺 
谅解背后的颤抖 谁关心过 
我不坚强 离婚后不要做朋友 
我不善良 不想看你牵她的手 
该怎么走 就怎么走 
不必那么努力演洒脱轻松 
就算寂寞 离婚也不要做朋友 
就算宇宙 早就安排好这结果 
你曾经牢牢地 在我生命里附着 
我要如何去假装 我没有爱过 
终于不必为你挂心 
终于多点爱给自己 
好过不好过 都已跟你没关系 
你爱我 你伤我 不算什么 
反正我 绝不说 我多难过 
有你的我 没有你的我 
往后日子都得过 
你内疚 你难受 别告诉我 
免得我 又搞错 当作承诺 
谅解背后的颤抖 谁关心过 
我不坚强 离婚后不要做朋友 
我不善良 不想看你牵她的手 
该怎么走 就怎么走 
不必那么努力演洒脱轻松 
就算寂寞 离婚也不要做朋友 
就算宇宙 早就安排好这结果 
你曾经牢牢地 在我生命里附着 
我要如何去假装 我没有爱过 
我太爱了 离婚后做不了朋友 
泪流干了 还洗不掉那些温柔 
不要蹉跎 不要联络 
就让我安安静静走完以后 
我忘不了 我们曾不只是朋友 
从今以后 思念再走不到尽头 
你曾经紧紧地 把我拥在你怀中 
我要如何去假装 你没有爱过

Welcome To April 2016

1st April: April Fools Day
8th April: Happy Birthday to someone I once loved.
14th April: Happy Birthday to my Husband, the one who showed me what it is like to enjoy the life of marriage with parents and in laws.
28th April: Our 1st Wedding Anniversary. Cheers to many more years to come!

Missing My Granny

I miss this lady who had faith in me when the world out thought I would grow up to be a delinquent.
I miss this lady who doted on me and was biased in her love for me.
I miss this lady who was always easy-going and easily contented.

My life is blessed now because of her.
I believe that I am who I am now, because of her doings from Heaven.
It is she who removed me from a toxic marriage, only to give me a better marriage to a guy who would treasure me and love me for life.

I truly wish to see her again and hold her hands.
She is the only thing that I never regret having in my life.
I am glad that I am blessed by God to have her in my growing years as my grandmother.
Ah Ma, wait for me and till we meeting again in Heaven...

Strangers Again

I'd Be A Fool If I Couldn't See
How Things Have Changed Between You And Me
Maybe We Try Just A Little Too Hard
And Now We Are Strangers Again

I Kiss Your Lips But They Feel So Cold
I Still Remember We Used To Hold
On Those Cold And Lonely Nights We Make Love
And Now We Are Strangers Again

It's Hard To Believe
That There In Your Eyes, Stranger I See
And That The Only Song We Got Left To Play
Are The Memories Of Yesterday

Forgetting You

Many people has asked me on why I have not forgotten the past hurt and why (in their opinion) I have not moved on despite being remarried to someone better, someone who makes me happier than my ex-husband.

Internally, I would reply...
How am I supposed to forget someone who has hurt me so deeply? Someone who betrayed my trust to love me until death do us apart. Someone who broke his promise that I would be blissful with him. Someone who took the marriage oath in front of family and friends to stick with me through all aspects of life, only to turn his back on me after 6 years of marriage. Someone who reassured me that he would accept my flaws, only to tell me 12 years later that he doesn't love me anymore and can't stand me any furthur.

How am I to forget this person who inked his impression in my life for 12 years? The memories of how we grew from teenage life into adulthood, from polytechnic to his NS, to working full time and intergrating ourselves into the workforce. The memories of the ups and downs of being financially strapped students to being able to earn our own bucks. The memories of obstacles that we fought together just be a couple and prove that we were going to be together for good.

How am I to forget this guy who ruined my dreams of being happily married?

How am I to forget this guy who made my life such a pain as his wife, while he became egoistic and prideful?

How am I to forget this guy who made me believe in him and standby him from an underdog to a degree graduate, while I held back my own education and job opportunities just to give him the support he needed while pursuing his part time degree studies, only for him to look down on me after completing his studies and getting the job promotion he wanted?

How am I supposed to let go of this matter when there wasn't any proper closure nor apology from him? All he did was to throw me his decision to seek divorce and expected to sign the papers without a fight when he accused me of having unreasonable behaviour. A mere $5k to 'compensate' for everything he has put me through and wasted 12 years of my life. Pffft!

In conclusion, I have spoken to few divorcees and all of them share the same sentiments. Never being able to forget the hatred for their ex-husbands and the stance of un-forgiveness towards the trauma as well as pain they were put through by their ex-husbands. Hence, I guess I am not the odd one out of feeling the way I do towards my ex-husband.

Rejoined CNY Family Gathering After 4-5 years Hiatus

This year, with much courage and of course, hesitation, I attended the annual CNY family gathering held at my parents' place.

It wasn't easy to face the crowded and prepare myself to answer any ridiculous questions that relatives would ask or comment. It wasn't any simpler bringing my husband for the first time to see the whole bunch of cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles. I wasn't sure what gossips would fly behind our backs as well as what negative comments would be spread thereafter. But well, I guess there isn't any use hiding and I can't hide from them forever.

Relatives and cousins were 'surprised' and 'shocked' to see me at the gathering. Some even tried to ask silly questions like 'where have I been all these years' and 'what happened and why I had been missing'. I ended up replying that I had eloped with my husband.

Well, afterall, I wouldn't rate this experience a pleasant one but neither would I say it was horrid. It was better than I had expected it to be. I guess everyone in the family has accepted that my ex-husband is gone and Amelia had remarried to someone else whom she is happier with.

Slowly Fading Memories

As time passes, things that once had a memory of you in it are slowly diminishing... I have slowly gotten rid of things that you had 'sponsored' in a way or another. The last thing that I had yet to get rid is the VAIO laptop that you have minimally contributed monetarily. It has died on me 2 weeks back and is lying my the study room waiting for Karang Guni, a voluntary organization that doesn't mind a spoiled laptop or an Ah Beng who can repair it before I donate it to kids in those 3rd-world country for education.

In May 2012, I have already gotten rid of the wedding ring and the mementos of our (once) love, your clothes, shoes and undergarments from my wardrobe in Azalea. The only thing left that I had was the old VAIO laptop, which I had paid nearly $2k. I had also changed job so that I could start life anew. Taking your compensation of a mere $5k to Melbourne to refresh myself.

The past 3, coming 4 years since then, my life is so different. I have learnt much more about myself, regain my own esteem and respect, became more confident in dealing with matters and led a new life, got married, owned my own house, gained a better career prospect along with my degree. I had done things that you once put me down for, I have proved you wrong. I found and married someone better than you, led a better life without you and achieved my own degree without the need for anyone to do my assignments for me.

I hope you are happier without me. The prideful you will say 'Of course' but ask your own heart, deep down inside, are you really better off and happier without me? I need not know the answer.

Goodbye VAIO laptop with memories soon.