About Me

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Just the blunt and honest me. Just someone who needs to air her inner most feelings and thoughts. Just a female who suffers from a crazy life journey, with lots of ups and down in her life. Just another moronic human being who wishes for peace and serenity in life one day.

Friday, December 31, 2021

End of 2021, Welcome 2022

As 2021 comes to an end and we start to welcome 2022, here are the things I am grateful for...
1) Husband - his love shown through daily actions, big or small. His initiative to put my needs above his, at times sacrificing his business to ensure my requests are met. His easy-going nature to give in to my frustrations, especially when my flares occurs to get me down or when work-related stress manifest into our after office hours life. Plus, his acts of support, unsaid means of reassuring me that no matter what decision I make, what I do (of course in the right and reasonable path of life) he is there behind me to comfort me should anything goes haywire. 
2) My 师傅s - through their blessings, prayers, amulets and lucky charms, I made it through another year quite smoothly. Of course hiccups were bound to have occurred, but I believe without their wisdoms and blessings, things could have been worse. Appreciate their willingness to attend to the requests of all devotees and those who have faith, trust and belief in them. Nothing is too big or too small for them to handle.
3) My immediate work supervisors/managers - their decision to promote me and never did discredit my ability to get work despite my invisible illness. They granted my leave for medical follow-ups and respected my MCs when I was truly down.
4) My buddy - although we didn't managed to meet up properly for the past 2 years due to the covid situation as well as our own commitments, her friendship and promptness to reply to messages or missed calls were unwavering. Her surprise gifts throughout the year, despite her busy schedules and 'checks' that I am still 'very much alive', in her words, makes me feel very blessed to have her as my buddy & close friend.
5) Other close friends - those who stood by me through the year, listening to my rants and offering me sound advices to make decision or to just basically allow me to get things off my chest for the sake of letting go of my irritations or 无奈.
6) 小人s- yes, I thank you for making me stronger, for making me see you in a new light and for your luck. For every one time that you have decided to backstab or gossip about me, the same one time your luck is taken away and accumulated to my merits for my benefits. I am sure I have benefited one way or another through your lost of luck.

I have no new resolutions for 2022, only wishes for it be smooth, mostly filled with joys and blessings, as well as better luck in all aspects of my life. I also wish the same for all my blog readers and those whose lives matters to me.

好的来,坏的去,有求必应,sadhu sadhu sadhu! 

Friday, November 5, 2021

Guess I am That Easily Forgetable

Maybe our memories meant nothing. 
Maybe whatever we went through nothing. 
Maybe there wasn't never 'we', 'us', 'our' in your mind. 
Maybe it was just Me, Myself and My Naive World. 

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

ทางผ่าน

I am just a fool for you
You always know that I loved you and I was down for whatever you wanted.
It's fine, though, you overlooked the things I did.
If your heart has changed, I will not hold you back.
I have accepted to let you go, or I am just a passerby for you.
I cry because my heart can't deal with the so much hurt you have given to me. 
One thing that I realized after so many years is that I've become a person you don't love. 

Saturday, July 3, 2021

漸冷

你多冷漠的语言 没语言
想逼我说出再也不见
没关系 大可不必找理由 直接走
别担心 我会纠缠 求你别回头
不再想要有以后
现在的我们都想要出口
我能不能少爱你一点
像以前 以前一切的以前
有底线 会发泄 不像现在藏几面
如果你从来都没改变
不过是回到一个人的夜里
不过再没你唱睡前的歌曲
不再等 你渐冷的气温回升
你就不用再爱我一遍
像以前 以前你多么热烈
没谎言 不失联 只拥我一人入眠
梦里面 你出现的画面越来越远
我会做到少爱你一点
像以前 以前一切的以前
有底线 会发泄 不像现在藏几面
如果你从来都没改变

Why do all sad love songs point to you and how I felt when we finally parted... That bitter sweet yet having to be strong for myself and own sanity. 

Sunday, May 2, 2021

错位时空

我吹过你吹过的晚风
那我们算不算相拥
可如梦初醒般的两手空空
心也空
我吹过你吹过的晚风
是否看过同样风景
像扰乱时差留在错位时空
终是空
我吹过你吹过的晚风
空气里弥漫着心痛
可我们最后在这错位时空
终成空

Don't miss you. But do wonder if you would think about us occasionally and on nights of insomnia... 

Saturday, March 20, 2021

I Have Loss My Hearing

How should I start this post without feeling a sense of despair or negativity? I don't how so just let me rant. Let me get this feeling of hopelessness out.

Yes, I have loss my hearing, not sure if it is temporarily or permanently. Currently, trying this 'salvage therapy' involving taking high dose of steroids and anti-viral for the next 2 weeks to see if anything can be done to reverse this hearing loss. In medical terms, it is called Sudden Sensorial-Neuro Hearing Loss.

I actually notice this change in hearing abt 2 weeks back but during the first week, I thought it was the actual ear infection or impacted ear wax and tried to self-medicate. Then the next week, I went to a GP and was told it was Eustachian Tube Dysfunction, asked to try out a week of anti-congestants.

When I visited the ENT specialists, after doing the hearing test, it is finally reveal that I do have mild hearing loss but all my nasal anatomy as well as ear are all fine. No problems with ear wax, Eustachian Tube or even sinuses. But I feel like my sinus are ready to explode, I have a constant headache, there is a constant humming sound in my affected ear and now getting this news that I have hearing loss just makes me feel terrible.

Although on paper it is mild hearing loss, but the effects of it is great impact. I can't hear anyone talking to me when the surrounding is noisy, and I won't be able to hear anyone speaking to me without getting my attention first. I am experiencing something that I have never had to deal with before. And it scares me to think that I am losing my hearing at age 38! I still probably have a long way ahead of me if I do live to at least 70 or 80 yrs of age. If this hearing loss permanent then what? Hearing aid? So debilitating!

I already hate taking medication and now while on this 'salvage therapy', I have to take 14 tablets in the morning and 3 at night. Argh! If the therapy works, that's great, if it doesn't then I have to plan what's next installed. Steroidal treatment intra-membrane into the ear? 

Autoimmune Disease is damn't non-sparing!