Reminders.. Another Phrase of Life

Whenever I hear any Jay Chou's song, especially those in early 2000—2012, it reminds me of you. Still feel the hurt, yes, but I have learnt to handle the grief better. Guess no matter how much I would like to forget your existence, I wouldn't be, 'cause you have imprinted so much scars and hurt towards me, wasting 12 years of my life on you.

As much as I know that you have moved from your previous address, changed your number and I even managed to find out your new address and mobile number, don't worry, I won't bug you. You lead your life. I lead mine too.

We both have moved on as evident by new address. I believe you are also happier after me as much as I am better off after you.

Good luck and all the best.

比我幸福

Not sure who is the one that is more 幸福 now.
Does it still matter after 6 years later?
Does it still ring a bell to you that it was your self-proclaimed creed 18 years back that I am supposed be the one who is 比你幸福?
Doubt so.

Your 永远爱你 words is meaningless to me.
Your 'forsaking all others' vow made was broken when you said that there wasn't anymore love between us.
Your 曾经爱你，永远爱你 promise means nothing now.

6 years has passed since we said goodbye for good.
6 years has passed since we gave up trying to make things work.
6 years has passed since I walked out on everything that I once worked hard for and believed in.
6 years has passed since I regained my own true self.
6 years has passed since we won back our freedom just a simple 'I don't love you anymore'

No more tears shed.
No more 心酸.
No more 不舍得.
No more deep seething hatred.
Just memories of who we used to be.

Time Heals Wound

At 13 coming 14 years old, I fell in love with a guy from my class when I was in secondary school. We broke off one and a half months later. Harboured some feelings for him despite marrying my ex-husband knowing that we will probably never be together due to my own insecure and low esteem.
At 16 coming 17 years old, met my ex-husband during a polytechnic orientation meet and on IRC. We dated for 6 years before deciding to get married to secure the relationship, to conform to societal norms to prevent tongues from wagging. Stayed married for another 6 years but we were both unhappy in the marriage. Finally, we called it quits! During the marriage, there were few peoples who asked me about a rumour that was spread around, saying that my first love broke off with his then-girlfriend to look for me on the day I wedded my ex-husband and ask if would I have changed my mind to marry to my ex-husband if I had met my first love before saying my wedding vows? I couldn't answer that question.
A year or two ago, I bumped into my first love at a mall. He was with his partner, holding hands and shopping. He didn't notice me. Immediately, I had answer to the nagging question. The answer is, "No, I doubt I would also be happy if I had married or changed my mind about ex-husband. And, I no longer do harbour any feelings for my first love."
This coming April 13th would mark my divorce of 6 years with my ex-husband. April 28th, would mark I married my current husband for 3 years. Time has healed my wounds from my first love failure as well as the failed first marriage of my life.
All I can say is my love life was pretty screwed-up... I hope it wouldn't be anymore. Enough of heartbreaks, enough of trials and testing of my strength. Enough is enough.

说散就散

說不上愛別說謊 就一點喜歡
說不上恨別糾纏 別裝作感嘆
就當作我太麻煩 不停讓自己受傷
我告訴我自己 感情就是這樣
怎麼一不小心太瘋狂

將一切都體諒 將一切都原諒
我嘗試找答案 而答案很簡單
簡單得很遺憾
因為成長 我們逼不得已要習慣
因為成長 我們忽爾間說散就散

First Post of 2018

First Post of 2018!
This shows how much I blog nowadays. Instead, most of my life is documentated on Instagram and Facebook with lots of pictures of my baby girl, selfies, random food that I cooked.

3 months into 2018 and I am, honestly, tired. Perhaps tired of all the drama around me, tired of listening to crappy excuses given to me by others for their silly mistakes or ideas, tired of pretending I am OK with my subordinates tardiness at work. With age, I have learnt to filter out things and be more 'ignorance' of dramas that doesn't involve me directly.

Fleets of memories of him did plague me. But I guess that is part of my life-story and it is him that made me who I am today, leading the current life I have. It will always be a reminder to me to never let myself be manipulated in a relationship and to stand firm to my own principles of life.

Recently one of my best friend has been made redundant and it is sad to know that such concerns happens at our age. When my parents were at my age, being retrenched was the last thing on their minds. Now, in this modern era, we are currently treading on this thin ice to ensure we stay relevant on our jobs and fight along side fast advancing technology.

In few months, I am turning 35. I believe, or rather, I hope it would be the middle of my life span. These 35 years of my life has been quite full of ups and down, more downs from the moment I reached my 20s. However, in a sense, I can't believe that I have survived 35 years of craziness in this world. There has been times that I was suicidal, probably even suffering from depression (just that I didn't get myself  diagnosed), emotionally raw and upset with my life choices, resulting in many unwanted experiences. But I am glad that I moved on from those days to becoming who I am now.
Let's see what the next 35 years will bring, who knows maybe I won't survive another 35 years due to some illness and/or unfortunate circumstances. Only God knows how long more He will put me on this realm... *grins*

Last Post of 2017

As another year comes to a close, I am thankfully grateful for another year of pretty much mundane and stable life. After going through much instability, mental stress, emotional roller coaster rides in my life, I rather have a mundane otherwise boring year. I don't hope for any highs, joys, blessings or even random drops of miracles. I am happy to just to pass one day peacefully at a time.

Occasionally, I am still reminded of my painful past, heartbreaks by a certain person and had dreams of what I would to say to him even if one day he apologizes. Guess I would bring these hurts to my grave. I probably would never be able to fully forgive him for everything he put me through and false hopes he gave. But yet, I am thankful that we parted, otherwise, I would never be able to have a simple and stable relationship/marriage with my husband. That is something he would never ever be able to give me due to his own insecurities as well as lack of maturity to understand the meaning of being in a marriage.

May 2018 bring about the same simplicity and another words, boring, life for me. Maybe just hope for a bit more salary and less job responsibilities. *LOL* Shall dream on with that though...

爱的越多，伤的越深

The more effort and time you devote into a relationship, the more hurt you would feel.
The deeper you fall in love, the greater pain you be in.
The greater the sacrifice made, the more disappointed you would be.

Sometimes it is better you just walk away once and for all, ending all the false hopes as well as dreams for a brighter future.

Some relationships are not worth your tears anymore.

Some guys are not worth your effort and time.

我以为 相爱的一辈子会很长, 长到了藏得下所有快乐悲伤 当回忆变成了画框才发现你已经不在身旁