Everyone Has Their Own Patience Limits

Period.

Better 2 Be Loved Than 2 Love

Please love me more than I love you.
Please dote on me more than I dote on you.
Please care for me more than I care for you.
Please pamper me more than I pamper you.

Please win my trust.
Please win my parents' trust.
Please prove to me that you are not the same.
Please show me that history will not repeat itself.
Please say you will never let me go.

Please be gentle with my fragile heart.
Please bear with my overbearing character.
Please empathise my low self esteem.
Please understand my need to be possessive.
Please look beyond my cons and find my pros.

Please be the man who you are now forever.
I love you just the way you are.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

So Do I Measure Up?

That was a question my fiancé asked me this evening while he was driving me for our dinner. This topic was brought about as my colleague had commented that us, as a nearly 2 years old couple is still considered new and have still a long way to go to understand each other better.

My fiancé wanted me to compare our relationship to the relationship had with my ex-husband (when we were still dating and he was my bf). My answer was of course my current relationship is way better as compared to my ex husband's. Why? 'Cause, I knew my ex-husband during polytechnic years, when we were still pretty much immatured and didn't know how to handle our relationship properly. Plus, at that time, we both were not working yet and haven't seen the real and practical world. Thus, even before the time relationship hit 2 years old, we were already fighting like kids with immature behaviour and arguments were over petty, trivia matters. We were also unable to solve these petty arguments maturely and ended just sweep all our differences under the carpet.

Now, I am in a relationship, which comprises of respect and compromises. A relationship where I am happy to hold the reins, while my fiancé takes the backseat and vice-versa whenever necessary. I admit that I have always wanted to be the dominant one in a relationship and yet be the pampered one whenever necessary, something that my fiancé has been doing pretty well. He is able to balance out on when to be in charge and when to let me to take charge. He also able to give me the space that I require to handle my strrss and emotions, yet control me in his own subtle manner whenever I get a bit overboard.

My fiancé drives me to work and back, takes the trouble to schedule his work to spend time with me and we take turns to pamper one another. There is mutual respect between us as well as we are both show that commitment to make this relationship work hand in hand.

Of course, our relationship is always smooth sailing and he ain't perfect. But, I believe that it is how we make imperfection to our perfect advantage...

Perfect? Hell no!

No one is perfect.
No situation is perfect.
Nothing in this world is perfect.
Not even God (He does make mistakes too).

What is perfect for me now?
Having a good job. Having my own house. Having a fulfilled family with 2 kids and a loving husband. Having sufficient money to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Having a husband who does averagely well in his career and works with me equally to support the family. Having parents and parents in law who fully accepts my husband and me. Having absolute time to balance all aspects of my life.
Sadly, like I said, nothing is perfect. I win some, I lose some... But I am sufficiently contented. Life could be better but perfection is a far reached goal. More than a decade ago, I walked the wrong path: chose the wrong person as my husband, made wrong decisions in life due to a moment of fun and pride, committed to a disastrous marriage and loved the wrong man. Now I see the repercussions of my wrong moves...

I just hope no more major wrong moves in future. Hope life would either remain status quo or get better... Amen.

Coffee Love

太浓了吧
否则怎会苦的说不出话
每次都一个人在自问自答
我们的爱到底还在吗

已经淡了吧
多放些糖也很难有变化
不如喝完这杯就各自回家
别坐在对面欣赏我的挣扎

一场失败的爱情像个笑话
热的时候心乱如麻
冷了以後看见自己够傻
人怎麽会如此容易无法自拔

一场无味的爱情像个谎话
甜的时後只相信它
苦了以後每一句都可怕
人怎麽会如此难以了无牵挂

A failed and dead love relationship is akin to drinking coffee when you are seriously sleep deprived: Useless. 


At times when I listen to sappy love song, I can't help to allow old memories to flood my mind and I began to ponder about how glad I am that I moved on and walked away from all the torturous, emotional roller coaster ride that I put myself through before.

It was painful to be the only one struggling to make my previous relationship/marriage work out the way I had always hoped for it to be, as a teen to young adult. It seems like I was the only one who is sacrificing my pride and humbling myself to a guy who didn't seem to appreciate my efforts to work out the sinking marriage. Instead, he tried to sink it further to the stage where I decided that it was not salvageable and decided to allow to end with a divorce.

My current life may not be perfect but I am happy. I am contented to my life now, mundane yet fulfilling. I am old enough to stop seeking the 轰轰烈烈 kind of life, I rather live my life in stability, peacefulness and serenity. I have a understanding fiance, who is mature enough to handle my emotions and temper. I have a career with a not-too-bad pay. I have a parents who has practically left me alone to fight for my own dreams, which is good as I hate people breathing down my neck and telling me how to lead my life. 

No one is perfect. Nothing is perfect. It is how you choose to view imperfections that makes perfection.

Happy Birthday To Me

 Birthday was spent with fiance and a couple, who are close to us...

Aged a year older

The pictures would have summarized my whole day of celebrations and fun... May the next one year of my life be filled with joy and blessing!

10th May before 12th May

What happens when a dreaded date occurs just two days before your birthday?
Do you celebrate your birthday with a foul mood?
Would you still want to celebrate your birthday with the bad memories of the past haunting you?
Would you allow the bad memories to dampen your birthday mood?
Would you pretend that 10th May doesn't come before 12th May?
Could you totally wipe out the sad memories of a supposed celebratory event, which now is replaced with a daunting or mocking event, two days before your birthday?
Could you pretend that the bad memories doesn't affect you in one way or another?
Could you pretend that the sad memories doesn't exist in your life?

Anyway, not many people will be celebrating my birthday, only my parents and my fiancé. I am also not surprised that people will forget my birthday, afterall, I am always a non-existing person until I am 'needed' by them for medical knowledge or nursing skills or free medications to avoid medical fees incurred when visiting doctors.

Turning 31 also something I am looking forward to as it just marks me being older and one step away from my life's dream milestone. It is also a mockery to me that life hasn't been too good for me since turning 29. Stepping into another year in my life just means I am growing older and nearer to being a failure in my own goals of life. Nothing to celebrate also.

Basically, life has pretty much sucked for me since I was turning 29. The only few good things that happened me since then was knowing my fiancé and being engaged to him, getting my degree, finding a better job prospect and being promoted soon after joining the company.

Until I blog again... Here's wishing my dearest pal, Happy Birthday one day after me! God bless.