Closure...

I guess all I needed was a relief from the guilt  that I felt when you told me to f-off from your life.
I guess all I needed was an answer to let me know that you are doing fine despite me not giving up my marriage plans for you.
I guess all I needed was a closure to acknowledge that we both have move on from each others' life after all these years.
I guess all I needed was proper ending to our puppy love, first love and first teenage relationship...
I guess that I missed the old you: mentally, physically and emotionally immature self. You won't fit me now. You won't be compatible with me now. Our characters will clash. Our personalities wouldn't suit one another.
If someone were to ask me to choose between my husband and you. I wouldn't hesitate to say, I choose my husband. I no longer need to ponder furthur on my choice. No more regrets. No more day-dreaming of what-ifs. No more endless possibilities. Just a simple closure to know that you fine and leading your life well...
Goodbye, my first love. Sayonara, puppy love.

13 Years Later: Our Paths Crossed

It has been a long 13 years wondering how my first love/bf/stead/puppy love, Mr Ivan Teng, has gotten on in life, where on earth is he and if how he looks like now. Our paths crossed finally...
He is definitely aged, seems more matured, stubbier and though I am certain that he looks shorter than when I last saw him when we were 20 years old.

The Ivan Teng I knew and I had never let go was the 14, 20 years old Ivan Teng. The memories of him was in image of him when he was younger, when life was just starting for the both of us.

After seeing him earlier, I am sure, I don't regret letting this first relationship go. I had the chance to revive it when I was 20 years old but I am glad that I didn't revive it. He seems so in love with the Caucasian lady he was holding hands with, so much immersed in her world that he had even failed to recognize me or notice me as we walked past each other. Perhaps, I too have changed in looks, appearance too. We have both aged, move on in life, found someone else special in our lives as well as just maybe, happier that we left this puppy love alone to die down.

He might jolly well be happier 'cause I remember him to be more Western in his brought up and even flung his Mandarin/Mother Tongue language exams and tests. He was constantly mocked by the Chinese teacher for being unable to speak Mandarin fluently. He is definitely more suited to be with a Caucasian as a partner and led the more Western lifestyle.

It is today, that I have really Thank God for everything... I can finally assure my husband that he has no love rival after today.

The Ivan Teng I know is a memory of the past. I am just glad that we briefly passed by each other, at least, I know he is well and happily leading his own life. No more longing of what-ifs with him and this first and un-kindled love.

I feel liberated that he is just part of my teenage memories and no longings left for him.

Live well, Ivan! God Bless you and your wife/partner/girlfriend.