Missing My Granny

I miss this lady who had faith in me when the world out thought I would grow up to be a delinquent.
I miss this lady who doted on me and was biased in her love for me.
I miss this lady who was always easy-going and easily contented.

My life is blessed now because of her.
I believe that I am who I am now, because of her doings from Heaven.
It is she who removed me from a toxic marriage, only to give me a better marriage to a guy who would treasure me and love me for life.

I truly wish to see her again and hold her hands.
She is the only thing that I never regret having in my life.
I am glad that I am blessed by God to have her in my growing years as my grandmother.
Ah Ma, wait for me and till we meeting again in Heaven...

Strangers Again

I'd Be A Fool If I Couldn't See
How Things Have Changed Between You And Me
Maybe We Try Just A Little Too Hard
And Now We Are Strangers Again

I Kiss Your Lips But They Feel So Cold
I Still Remember We Used To Hold
On Those Cold And Lonely Nights We Make Love
And Now We Are Strangers Again

It's Hard To Believe
That There In Your Eyes, Stranger I See
And That The Only Song We Got Left To Play
Are The Memories Of Yesterday

Forgetting You

Many people has asked me on why I have not forgotten the past hurt and why (in their opinion) I have not moved on despite being remarried to someone better, someone who makes me happier than my ex-husband.

Internally, I would reply...
How am I supposed to forget someone who has hurt me so deeply? Someone who betrayed my trust to love me until death do us apart. Someone who broke his promise that I would be blissful with him. Someone who took the marriage oath in front of family and friends to stick with me through all aspects of life, only to turn his back on me after 6 years of marriage. Someone who reassured me that he would accept my flaws, only to tell me 12 years later that he doesn't love me anymore and can't stand me any furthur.

How am I to forget this person who inked his impression in my life for 12 years? The memories of how we grew from teenage life into adulthood, from polytechnic to his NS, to working full time and intergrating ourselves into the workforce. The memories of the ups and downs of being financially strapped students to being able to earn our own bucks. The memories of obstacles that we fought together just be a couple and prove that we were going to be together for good.

How am I to forget this guy who ruined my dreams of being happily married?

How am I to forget this guy who made my life such a pain as his wife, while he became egoistic and prideful?

How am I to forget this guy who made me believe in him and standby him from an underdog to a degree graduate, while I held back my own education and job opportunities just to give him the support he needed while pursuing his part time degree studies, only for him to look down on me after completing his studies and getting the job promotion he wanted?

How am I supposed to let go of this matter when there wasn't any proper closure nor apology from him? All he did was to throw me his decision to seek divorce and expected to sign the papers without a fight when he accused me of having unreasonable behaviour. A mere $5k to 'compensate' for everything he has put me through and wasted 12 years of my life. Pffft!

In conclusion, I have spoken to few divorcees and all of them share the same sentiments. Never being able to forget the hatred for their ex-husbands and the stance of un-forgiveness towards the trauma as well as pain they were put through by their ex-husbands. Hence, I guess I am not the odd one out of feeling the way I do towards my ex-husband.