Bad News For The Past Week

Has been a tough last one week me...
18 Oct:  grandma was admitted to SGH due to anaemia after a routine blood test showed low haemoglobin
19 Oct: I recieved news that she has been diagnosed with suspected colon cancer as her CEA was 4360 (the normal is <5), so a colonoscopy was rendered to do a check
20 Oct: Colonoscopy was done and showed 2 tumours, one at the sigmoid, which had 'eaten' up about 70% of the colon space, hindering the scope from proceeding furthur. Hence, a CT scan was scheduled on the same evening to see if there are any other tumours.
21 Oct: CT Scan showed that there are 2 tumours in the colon. One at the sigmoid and the other, a larger one, located at the ascending colon. The scan also shows that there are some liver metastasis and lung metastasis. Thus, a referral to the colorectal surgeon and oncologist is made.
24 Oct: Met up with the colorectal surgeon who told the family that a surgery is not suitable due to my grandma's age, thus, they are not going to do anything about the tumours unless it is an emergency or life threatening. He also told us that the liver metastasis was not just limited to some but nearly the whole liver. The prognosis is about 6months - 2years. However, there may be a possibility of the tumour rupturing and causing a massive bleeding, which would lead to immediate death. Next, we had to be prepare for a stoma if the tumour increases in size and cause a total blockage of the colon leading to intestinal obstruction. The oncologist came along and told us he is recommending oral chemotherapy drugs as my grandma's body may not be able to take the intensive chemotherapy. But he wants to await the histology report to come in before making any final decision.
25 Oct: Grandma is discharged with an appointment to meet the colorectal surgeon again next Tuesday to discuss the histological report and another appointment to meet the oncologist on 21 Oct to discuss about the chemotherapy.

Now, the whole family looks upon me to give advice so as to care for my grandmother. Everyone is also upset with the news and coping differently.

Haiz... I have to be strong for the family but yet I also have to cope with the bad news...

KK Dinner & Dinner 2011

This year's theme was 'When I Grow Up...', so I followed the theme. Since I was already following my childhood dream of becoming a nurse and that it would be kind of boring to wear my nursing uniform to the event, I decided to go with 'When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be A Tai-Tai'. LOLx...
My table-mates aka as my colleagues rocks! Had so much laughter and fun with them...
Sadly, I am not sure if this would be the last time I attend KK DnD or the last DnD I spend with my ward colleagues 'cause, I am seriously thinking of leaving shift work hours and pursue back the office hours nursing career. So I am not sure if I would still remain in KK or even the ward...

Management Issues

Pretty mad today at my nursing manager. Felt that she has suddenly become biased and turned her back on me the moment she knows I would not be helping her with any more projects due to my degree studies soon.

Since, she has decided to be so practical in her behaviour and management style, then, I think I shall not hold back and be so obliging towards her anymore. It is time I fight for my own career happiness and care about no one else but myself now.

I would see how best I could by-pass her and speak to higher management authorities to get the job promotion I need as well as my office hours job back. I have sacrificed so much for my nursing manager for the past 1.5 years and slogged for the hospital for the past 4 years. If the hospital cannot meet either of my two requests, I have planned to leave after my bond in July 2012 and find my own office hours nursing career.

I have been a nurse since 8 years ago and most of my peers are either SSNs or even in the management role, but because I was job-hopping around, I missed the chance of promotion as most places would promote staff after at least 3 years of being in that particular organization. Now I have my advanced nursing certification, even more reasons for me to be promoted. Hence, if my hospital has no plans to promote me due to whatever invalid or unjustifiable reasons they have, I would have to find better pastures again or at least do a job which is office hours and which I enjoy as well as have job satisfaction in. Frankly, I used to have that kind of job satisfaction before when I was working as the day chemotherapy nurse but I was transferred to the inpatient oncology ward due to my advance certification, which they claim that my skills would be more needed at ward level. Thinking that I could cope and may have a chance of promotion, I agreed. Then, my nursing manager kept asking me to do her projects to improve the ward's level of nursing care, especially in the the chemotherapy area, which I also obliged thinking that it would increase my chance of promotion. Now I know, I am wrong, whenever I asked her about when I could be promoted, she would come out with many excuses not to be promote and even asked me to be fulfill her expectations of waiting for the right time. Whenever, I voiced out my difficulties in doing shift work, she would say that their isn't any job openings for office hours and that the ward really needs me so she is kind of unwilling to release me, she would then tell me that she would keep a look out for me to transfer me out to another department with office hours unless the other department is willing to exchange staff also. Currently, I have enough of waiting around and feeling unappreciated for all my efforts as well as patience.

I have started to show her attitude and I guess she would call me into her room on Monday to discuss this with me. Perhaps, it is time I voiced out my unhappiness and really seek for re-dress of my grievances.

Let's see what happens next... Would I get what I need and want or do I really have to leave this organization in seek of better pastures out there??