1 Year On

13 April 2012: I moved out of Sengkang, walked out of an unhappy marriage. I made the choice to respect his wishes for a divorce. I made the decision to move on with my life, away from any more negative emotions attached to being his wife. I decided that I had enough of his threat of divorce. I did what I felt was right for me and my future. We both decided that we had enough pretending to the world that we were happily in love and married.

13 April 2013: I am back in love with someone whom I think is better in accepting me for me. I am a girlfriend to someone who is able to handle conflicts maturely and is able to deal with my emotions who rationally as well as calm me down whenever I am upset over stuff. I am reminded constantly what I seek in a relationship involving love daily. I am able to speak my thoughts and behave freely, without the fear of saying or doing the wrong things. I am able to communicate my feelings with him without the fear of being called immature, irrational, mad, unreasonable, spoilt or demanding.

1 year has passed since the day I almost sunk into depression due to a failed marriage. I am still occasionally haunted of the arguement over a plate of chicken rice, escalating to end up in a divorce. I still have the memories of my deeply overwhelmed emotions so much so that I have to jet over to Melbourne to take a breather and settle my emotions before returning to face the impending divorce process.

I thank God and to those who had stayed by me, supporting me psychologically and emotionally. I am grateful for everyone who had helped me step out of the taboo of being a divorcee. Thankfully God made me strong enough to ride through this storm with the help of close friends, family members, relatives and blessing me with a boyfriend who is better than my ex-husband in personality and maturity level.

May my journey be smooth from now onwards. No more devastating relationship related issues and no more emotional roller coaster rides. Amen.

Love Doesn't Involve Politics

Over the past few days, I have been tending a close friend's BGR issues. The insomnia and frustrations that she has been experiencing sounds so familiar to me. The fact of threading on thin ice, for fear of an argument with her bf and the totally heck care bf brings me back to a year ago.
I am reminded that I broke free from that dumb-ass routine of being the fearful and 'obedient' partner to a totally selfish and self-conceited husband.
As I 'celebrate' my anniversary of being a divorcee on 13th April, I am thankful for the fact that I can live my life fearlessly and do whatever or say whatever I want as long as I don't betray my own conscience. I need not thread on thin ice wondering if my words would spark any arguments or would my sms-es cause an explosion of negative emotions of verbal abuse and emotional abuse.
I am inclined to believe that he is also having a good life as a single person as he once told me that he had enough of me and sick of being married when he craved for single life.
I just wish my close friend all the best and advised her to be careful with her bf as I know he has intention to break off with her sooner or later but he doesn't want to be the 'bad person', thus he would be installing a CCTV to capture her behaviour while he attempts to annoy her and use it against her when mentioning the subject of break-up.
When there is politics in a relationship, it is not called love anymore. When there is an intention to backstab one another, love doesn't exist anymore. Love in this era isn't as simple and everlasting as compared to our parents' or grandparents' era. Sigh.

Mixed Personality Me

I may look confident on the outside but inside, I am insecure.
I may look strong on the outside but inside, I am vulnerable.
I may seem to care-less of the world that revolves around me but, I am one person who reads deeply into everyone or everything.
I may seen not to be haunted by my setbacks but, actually I am bothered by my own past.
I may seem nonchalant about what others think of me but, in fact, I am self conscious of what people gossip about me.
I can be happy but deep down be bothered.
I can be seen quiet at times but actually I am deep in thoughts.
I am easily affected by my own emotions.
I may seem to get over matters fast and forgive people easily but in reality, I am petty and bear grudges hoping for karma to hit you in the face while I sit down and watch you suffer or writher in pain.
I may have gotten over certains matters but in real life, I have used my own downfalls as life lessons.
This is me. This is Amelia. This is my life.  This is my complicated personality.  This is me, multi-faced dealing what life throws at me.

Dreaded April Is Here

The next 2 weeks of April is what I am dreading. The 2 dates that I don't wish to go through but have to. WTF!

8 April: Reminder of his birthday.

13 April: My 'start of divorce path ' anniversary

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The only date that brings slightly more joy.
14 April: My bf's birthday...

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April  please pass quickly so that I could start with May and start looking forward for my birthday trip overseas with my bf, as well as KIV with my 'sister' cum close friend, who may join me for our birthday celebration.
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Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty (it is foolishness on my part for thinking that I could let my guard down and allow you to see my negative points and everything about me)
And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep,
Things you never say to me,
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love (not to forget telling me that you have tolerated of my 'unreasonable behavior' enough and how you can't forget & forgive that I almost chose another guy over you.)

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
(too bad, as your heart/love died, my love towards you unknowingly died too)
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts (yes, you scarred me real bad)
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again (I did, I fell in love with someone else more worthy of my heart)

Life Is Good

I have made many mistakes in life.
I have made many wrong judgements in life.
I have learnt from these mistakes and misjudgements.

I never regretted being a nurse.
Never regretted having my fun times back during my secondary school years.
Never regretted taking my time to attain my degree.

Although I was careless with my heart and got it broken quite a few times with the wrong guys, but after each failed relationship, I became more certain that I knew what I want in a guy.
Yes, I survived a failed marriage and walked out stronger as well as clearer in what or who my ideal guy should be.
I agree that I should not fallen in love with that jerk who ruined my happiness and wasted 12years of my time, but without him, I wouldn't know my threshold limit for patience and being tolerant for the sake of love and for the obedience in the covenant of a marriage.

Now, as I am fighting a brand new war in my life, I still feel my life is good. I have always been that rebellious daughter in the eyes of my parents and this time, it is no different. As usual, my dad is neutral to my decision and my mum is pretty mad as well as upset with my decision.

I think the day I stop having all these dramas and wars in my life, would be the day I close my eyes for good and be laid to rest in my ideal pink acrylic coffin, dressed in a wedding gown and looking pretty with thick makeup, with formaldehyde pumped into my arteries and veins.
God, that would the day you will take me back once you find that I had enough of those tests and tribulations in my life. Hopefully I land myself in Heaven with you and do not qualify for eternal stay in Hell.

Amelia, just enjoy a brand new day in life for you will never know when God decides to take you back. Each brand new day is a blessing and adventure for you to conquer. Cheers!

The Battle Begins

Officially introduced.
Formally introduced.
Fighting for our future together hand in hand.
May time and God be on our side.
Amen.

We Are All Humans Afterall

Everyone needs a little reassurance that life is unkind at times and the storm will pass soon enough for the rainbow to shine again.
Everyone needs a pair of strong + reliable arms to hold them up when they crumble under life's challenges or when life gets a little too overwhelming to handle alone.
Everyone needs a pillar of strength to lean on, to catch a breath and rest before fighting the next battle of life.
Everyone needs someone to understand that vulnerability is part of being human and shouldn't be mocked at or be taken as a joke. Never attempt to judge one's vulnerability as.weakness, for you may not know the full story that has caused for him/her to crack under pressure.
I admit that I am only  human and do suffer from setbacks and crazy emo derangements. I am just a human, controlled by emotions, hormonal imbalances and politics, which is never a fun game after all.